Blurred Lines
by GirlyGeek
Summary: Ever wonder why Cullen never reported Hawke to Meredith or turned her in even though it was more than obvious that she was a mage? AU Rated M for sexual situations and other adult content.
1. Prologue

Hello everyone! Long-time no write. I know it's been more than a while, but in the past few months I not only had a baby but two surgeries, so yeah…I've been a little preoccupied not to mention highly uninspired as of late.

This fic serves not only as a way for me to get back into the groove of writing but also a means to explore my obsession with Cullen. Seriously…does no one else find him yummy?

For all of you waiting for an update on my BMFM fic, that update will be slow in coming because I can't find my flash drive that had literally _**EVERYTHING **_on it…my fics, my notes, my WIP chapters, so yeah…until I find it, the fics I was working on beforehand are on hold…

Thanks to my friend **OrielleD** for being my sounding board :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Prologue**

* * *

…_Cave on the Wounded Coast; Night…_

Cullen still could not believe it.

Even now, propped up on his elbow and gazing down at Minerva Hawke as she slept peacefully after their most recent bout of lovemaking—the light from their campfire casting a soft glow over her skin and bringing out the golden highlights of her red hair as she smiled softly—Cullen could not believe it had all happened.

It was never supposed to go this far…or go on for this long.

But it had.

Fear had been a constant feeling for Cullen from the moment he and Minerva had begun their forbidden relationship. Naturally, Cullen had been afraid for himself had his involvement with Minerva had been discovered, but most of his fear was for Minerva herself should the discovery have been made. Even though Minerva lived openly outside the Circle because of her being Kirkwall's Champion, her title and status would _not_ save her from the Rite of Tranquility or even execution should their relationship ever come to light.

Knight-Commander Meredith would be only too happy to have an excuse—_any _excuse—to put an end to Minerva's freedom. She had made that perfectly clear on more than one occasion.

Cullen could not bear the thought of that. Even after all these years of sneaking around and having one close call after the other, he loved Minerva more than ever and the thought of losing her pained him like a blade to the heart. Despite their differences, Cullen could not deny the sense of completion and wholeness that he felt from having Minerva in his life—from being able to call her _his_.

And she _was_ indeed his…just as _he_ was _hers_.

Cullen closed his eyes and shivered in delight as he thought of all the times they had marked each other while making love—all those erotic love bites in those secret places that only the other would ever see. He lightly traced his fingers over the newest mark so lovingly delivered over his heart, and he smiled at the symbolism it entailed. There was no doubt in his mind that his heart belonged completely to Minerva, and as he gazed down at the matching bite he had left over his apostate's heart, Cullen knew that _her_ heart belonged to _him_.

Yet even now, it seemed like a strange dream.

Six years ago, after Minerva had helped him in the fight against Wilmond and in the solving of the mystery behind the missing Templars, Cullen had been unable to clear thoughts of the beautiful apostate from his head. For weeks after the incidents, Cullen had prayed to the Maker for relief from his thoughts—to have them ripped from his mind and thereby end his torment. After all, even if Minerva had not been an apostate, any hopes of a relationship with her were doomed to fail.

Templars were forbidden from pursuing romantic relationships—required to remain chaste and pure in order to effectively dedicate themselves to the Maker and His teachings. There _had_ been cases of Templars visiting local brothels and releasing pent up frustrations and tensions, but the Order had always looked the other way with such things…so long as it did not happen regularly. After all, despite their calling and devotion to the Maker, Templars were still human, and humans sometimes had needs that no amount of prayer could counter—especially the new recruits. Unfortunately, there had also been a few cases of Templars marrying in secret and even having families…also in secret.

But in those cases, something would _always_ go wrong…

The Templar in question would be discovered and publicly shamed before being expelled from the order and exiled with his family. Or a child born to the Templar would be born a mage—as though the Maker himself were forcibly reminding the deviant Templar of his sacred duties.

Cullen had seen many of his fellow Templars crumble beneath the guilt of having to imprison their own children within the walls of the Circle—becoming mere shells of the men they once were—and he knew that he would not be able to bear such a burden.

Funnily enough—though in retrospect, Cullen could see the reasoning behind it—none of the female Templars succumbed to such temptation or tragedy. The Free Marches had been the only place so far to allow females into the Order…to allow them another means of serving the Maker aside from Sisterhood within the Chantry. As a result, female Templars all felt as though they had something to prove to the men within the Order and strove to be pictures of virtue and piety—none more so than Knight-Commander Meredith.

Cullen however had always prided himself on his inner resolve in resisting falling prey to such temptation as his brothers in arms had failed to do. In all his years as a Templar, Cullen had only ever developed feelings for two women—funnily enough, both of them were mages. He had been strong in resisting his urges and desires for the delicate, elvin mage in Ferelden's Circle. She had been so lovely and sweet-tempered, she had been one of the few mages to stand up against Uldred when he took over the Circle…and she had been one of the first to meet her end at the renegade mage's hands. While he had been infatuated with her while she was alive, Cullen had been firm in his resistance of his desires and never acted upon them. He had not even indulged in self-pleasure. He had assumed he would have the same strength and presence of mind when dealing with whatever it was he began feeling for Minerva after his first meeting with her.

He had been wrong.

After Minerva had rescued Keran, Cullen had not been able to stop thinking about her. Her inner strength and conviction, the way her emerald eyes seemed to flair with emerald fire when she became impassioned…the way her crimson locks framed her lovely face, her smile…they all filled Cullen's mind and try as he might, he could not stop himself from dwelling upon them.

Anymore than he could stop himself from imagining how soft her lips must feel, how silken her hair would feel between his fingers, how warm her skin would feel against his or how it would feel to trace his hands over those deliciously feminine curves…and grip those enticing hips…

Cullen's feelings for the apostate had gone from attraction to infatuation to obsession in what seemed like a mere moment. In actuality, it had happened over the course of a few weeks, but for Cullen it felt both instantaneous and agonizingly slow. A juxtaposition to be sure, but while those feelings developed fairly quickly, for Cullen it felt as though he was fighting those feelings for an eternity. In those weeks, Cullen had prayed to the Maker from sunrise to sunset for the strength to dash his desires for Minerva from him.

But his prayers had gone unanswered.

It was only a matter of time before Cullen had been completely unable to resist his desires for the beautiful woman lying so trustingly by his side.

He lovingly traced his fingers over the curve of Minerva's jaw before slowly moving down to her collar bone as he leaned in and kissed her temple. His heart raced excitedly and he smiled as his lover sighed and smiled in her sleep before shifting onto her back and allowing her eyelids to slowly flutter open. Cullen's smile grew as Minerva smiled up at him, and he shifted his position so he was on top of her as he claimed her soft lips in a deep, languid kiss—his member beginning to harden once more as his beloved's hands lovingly stroked their way down his back.

"I love you…" Cullen murmured against Minerva's soft lips after slowly breaking the kiss. His heart swelled with masculine pride as his lover spread her legs for him. "Maker…how I love you, Minerva." He lightly brushed his nose against hers then kissed her again while pushing into her.

Minerva moaned softly into the kiss and wrapped her legs around Cullen as he entered her again. "And I love _you_, Cullen," she murmured after the kiss broke before tenderly kissing the corner of her Templar's mouth. "May the Maker preserve us both, because I cannot live without you."

Cullen's smile was loving as he captured Minerva's lips in a slow kiss, and his heart fluttered blissfully as it always did whenever his lover made such an admission.

Well…perhaps not _all_ of Cullen's prayers had gone unanswered.


	2. Chapter 1

Thank you to the awesome **OrielleD** for being my sounding board. You rock, chica!

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

* * *

…_The Gallows; Six years earlier…_

It was as though the Maker were punishing him…

Punishing him for developing feelings for yet another mage.

Why else would his mind be filled nonstop with thoughts of Minerva?

At first, Cullen thought it might have been a spell…that he was bewitched or somehow possessed or under the thrall of a Desire Demon, but then he realized that aside from his imaginings, nothing else had changed. He went about his daily duties in a perfectly normal way without any abnormalities.

Besides, not all of his imaginings were of a sexual nature.

Not all of his fantasies revolved around Minerva in different sexual positions or of the two of them making love for hours on end in different settings. A good deal of them involved Cullen simply holding Minerva in his arms as they simply talked and laughed before finally falling asleep in each other's arms, or of the two of them walking hand in hand in broad daylight without a care in the world.

In any case, there was no way Minerva had cast a spell upon him. She had saved his life. Despite the curse of her magic, she had acted with honor.

"_This is Templar business, stranger."_

Those had been the first words Cullen had ever spoken to her.

And yet, Minerva had still jumped into the fray and helped Cullen when he came under attack from the possessed Wilmod and his following of abominations.

Such was not the action of a mage who would use her powers for evil.

Hawke…

Cullen refused to refer to the apostate by her surname as so many others did.

Though quick, beautiful and deadly like the animal from which her namesake was taken, Cullen knew that Minerva was not some mindless predator that acted on instinct alone. She could have just as easily turned her back and left Cullen to deal with his attackers and allow the chips to simply fall where they may. After all, Cullen was a Templar, and no doubt Minerva knew that her freedom would be risked by helping him against Wilmond—that exposing herself as a mage in the midst of battle could land her in the Circle.

Yet she had helped him anyway.

And Cullen had been unable to stop thinking about her since that moment.

It was bad enough for a Templar to develop romantic feelings for another and thereby detract from their focus upon their duties, but for a Templar to develop such feelings for a _mage_? It was the ultimate betrayal to the Maker and the Order.

Yet, even now as he covertly watched Minerva from across the Gallows courtyard as she carefully made her way over to one of the vendors, any feelings of betrayal to the Maker could not have been further from Cullen's mind. The lovely apostate was trying so very hard not to attract any attention to herself but Cullen would have noticed her even in a crowd much larger than the one currently in the courtyard. The graceful way she moved…the way her crimson hair swayed as the wind swept through it…it all made Minerva stand out.

Which was why Cullen always took such pains to keep the attentions of his comrades as well as that of Meredith turned away from the lovely apostate.

"Knight-Captain, look…it's that Hawke woman."

Cullen looked to the initiate, a young woman with boyishly-short brown hair. "What of it, Initiate?" he asked simply.

"I've heard tell that she's an apostate."

"Listening to rumors again, are we?" Cullen asked

"But she's of the Amell bloodline, isn't she? Magic is supposed to run strong within that family. It's a well known fact, Ser."

"I've heard that too," another initiate said with a nod of his head.

"The only Amell that I personally knew to be a mage was back in Ferelden, and Hawke is most certainly _not_ she," Cullen replied while crossing his arms over his chest. "What other theories do you have? Explain yourself."

"Well…" the first initiate floundered uncertainly. "There's the staff she keeps at her back. Mages use staffs…"

"So do _other_ people who don't fancy the use of either a blade or a bow," Cullen replied smoothly with an air of condescension. "Really…by _your_ reasoning, _everyone_ who carries a staff should be rounded up and placed in the circle along with all members of the Amell family. You'll _never_ become a full-fledged Templar with such a shoddy chain of reasoning."

The initiate hung her head. "Yes, Knight-Captain…I am sorry."

"See that it doesn't happen again," Cullen said. "Knight-Commander Meredith already has a reputation for being exceptionally hard on mages. She doesn't need harsh treatment of normal people added to that."

"Yes, Ser…sorry Ser."

Inwardly, Cullen breathed a sigh of relief at having kept Minerva free for yet another day, though he still could not believe that he had taken it upon himself to do so. It went against everything Cullen was taught to believe in to be sure—especially after what had occurred in Ferelden—but he simply could not bring himself to have Minerva thrown into the circle. Not when he witnessed firsthand the good she was capable of doing.

* * *

"Sister, come on," Carver hissed while grabbing a hold of Minerva's bicep and glancing across the courtyard to where he saw a group of Templar's headed by the Knight-Captain himself. "You're attracting attention."

"What are you talking about?" Minerva asked in annoyance while shaking her arm free of her brother's grasp. "I haven't done anything." She looked across the courtyard and her eyes immediately found Cullen watching her passively.

"Doesn't matter, does it?" Carver retorted icily. "It doesn't matter what you do or don't do…it's _always_ about you, isn't it? You were the one father charge with taking care of the family before he died despite the fact that _I _was rightfully the man of the house after his death. You're the one everyone looks to for leadership. You, you, _you_…_always_ you. Maker forbid that someone _else _gets a chance to prove themselves."

Minerva narrowed her eyes and glared at her brother. Normally she would have shrugged off any of her brother's snide comments, but Minerva had finally reached her limit, and it was taking all her self control not to turn Carver into a weasel. "I've just about had enough of you," she snapped. "Did it ever occur to you that father left _me_ in charge because I was the eldest? You might've been the only 'man' in the house after his death, but were and are still far from being a man, you emotionally stunted child. You want to know why father passed you over for guardian of our family? It's because of things like _this_. Your jealousy fueled by your feelings of inferiority…the fact that you're _always_ trying to find glory for yourself and putting _yourself_ first instead of thinking of others. That's _not _what the head of the family does, and father knew you weren't responsible enough to assume the role he left vacant."

The two of them were standing nose to nose now—the toes of their boots barely touching.

"You want to blame someone, Carver? Take a good, long look in the mirror. You want to be the man of the house? Then stop acting like a spoiled brat and grow up. Take up some sort of responsibility instead of simply bitching to anyone who'll listen that no one takes you seriously. You want things to change for you? Then make them change and stop using _me _as your scapegoat." Minerva pushed past her brother and strode away.

"Where are you going?" Carver called after her. Minerva had never spoken to him like that before.

"Away from _you_," Minerva snapped over her shoulder. "Before I do something I know I'll regret," she muttered under her breath. "And don't you even _think_ about following me!" Maybe a talk with Varric would help.

Yes, a talk with Varric over a pint at the Hanged Man was just the thing Minerva needed

* * *

Cullen slowly let out a breath while subtly watching Minerva all but stomp out of the courtyard after what had looked like a very heated argument between her and her brother, Carver. Even angry, the apostate was a beautiful creature to behold. He groaned inwardly and hung his head just a little before turning his gaze to the group of approaching Templars that were to relieve him and the two initiates of their post.

Perhaps a visit to the Chantry would be in order. Yes…a blessing from the Grand Cleric might just be what Cullen needed to clear his mind and empty it of all thoughts of the beautiful apostate.

Though, even as he turned and started for the massive gateway that would lead him from the Gallows, Cullen could not help but fear that it would be ineffective folly.


	3. Chapter 2

Thank you to **OrielleD** for being my sounding board. You rock, chica!

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

* * *

…_A few nights later…_

"_This is Templar business, stranger."_

That was the way Minerva should have left it. She should have just taken those words to heart and left Knight-Captain Cullen to his fate. After all, one less Templar in the world could only be good and advantageous to mages—both apostate and Circle-bound.

In her mind, Minerva knew this to be true. It would have been perfectly logical for her to turn her back on the outmatched and outnumbered Templar.

But she did not.

As always, her conscience got the better of her, and she jumped to the aid of a person who would have been otherwise outmatched. This of course meant that she dragged Varric, Carver, and Aveline into the fray with her.

However, her involvement with Cullen had not ended there.

Minerva _still_ did not know what had possessed her to agree to help the Templar in his mission, but she _had_ agreed. Perhaps it was because it was the best way to keep the promise she had made to Macha to find out what had happened her brother Keran. Perhaps it was because of how adorably befuddled and sheepish Cullen had become when he openly admitted that he had been unsuccessful in questioning the prostitutes at the Blooming Rose. Perhaps it was because that despite Cullen's being a Templar, Minerva could still sense a genuine goodness within him instead of a cruel fanaticism.

Perhaps it was a combination of all three, but either way, Minerva had said 'yes' to his plea for help.

That _should_ have been the end. Minerva's receipt of a reward after the rescue and return of Keran as well as the disposal of the renegade blood mages _should_ have been the end of anything even _remotely_ pertaining to Knight Captain Cullen.

So why then was Minerva lying awake in her bunk weeks later and thinking about him?

Lying on her back with her head pillowed upon one arm, she found herself staring up at the ceiling as she tried to sort things out in her mind. Usually good at reading people, Minerva found herself at a complete loss when it came to the handsome Templar. Cullen _knew_ she was an apostate. How could he not when Minerva had so brazenly displayed her magical abilities in front of him? Why then had Cullen not apprehended her for imprisonment within the circle?

Was it his way of thanking her-silently protecting her from afar because she had saved his life? Or was it simply Cullen's way of lulling her into a false sense of security so he could better spring a trap upon her that would land her within the circle? Minerva really did not have the faintest idea, which made the fact that Cullen seemed to always be watching her both unnerving and exciting.

Why was he watching her?

Was he making sure she did not put so much as a toe out of line?

With very few exceptions in which the situation simply could not be helped, Minerva was always very careful to not use her magic within the city walls in broad daylight. But the fact that she could feel herself being watched made her all the more cautious.

Or was Cullen watching her for a different reason?

Minerva could not deny that Cullen was handsome…

His voice was warm as were his eyes, and Minerva could not help but wonder if he ever smiled bigger than the small, fleeting grin she had seen grace his well-formed lips. She wondered if he ever laughed. She also found herself wondering just what the Templar's body looked like underneath his heavy armor. Was he as firm and sculpted as Keran?

He _had_ to be.

_No_ man could walk around in that heavy armor all day and _not_ have muscles to show for it. It was simply a physical impossibility, and Cullen was certainly taller and broader in the shoulders than Keran, so Minerva could only imagine the body hidden beneath the heavy metal was nothing short of breathtaking…

And the possibility that he was watching her because he found _her_ attractive made Minerva's heart race excitedly.

Her eyes widened and she shut them tightly while giving her head a shake.

No! No, this would certainly not do!

As an apostate, Minerva could not allow herself to be blinded by a handsome templar. For the sake of her freedom, she could not afford to let her guard down and develop any sort of feelings for him. Her eyes snapped open again as the image of Cullen lying naked upon a bearskin rug in front of a fire in all of his masculine glory with a 'come hither' smile upon his lips filled her mind. The flames cast a warm glow upon the Templar's healthy skin and caused the faintest sheens of perspiration to glisten over the expanse of his beautifully sculpted body as his length stood erect and ready for her.

Minerva blinked her eyes rapidly in shock.

Where had that thought come from?

Minerva had never thought of Cullen in such a way before, and she felt her cheeks burn with her blush as the thought caused molten heat to pool rapidly between her legs as her body shivered wantonly. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly as she fought to push the image from her head.

"No…" she whispered. "No fantasies…not about _him_. Anyone else _but_ him."

Closing her eyes, Minerva slowly let out another breath and tried to fill her mind with thoughts of Anders. She smiled softly as her fellow apostate's handsome face began filling her mind…his gentle smile, kind eyes and long, golden hair that begged to have fingers run through it…yes, Anders was _very_ handsome. The healer made no secret of his attraction to her—despite the fact that he fought so hard against it—and as a fellow mage, he would never judge her. He understood her in ways that no one else could. He would accept her for everything she was just as she had accepted that _he_ was an Abomination.

Yes…she should fantasize about Anders. She _would_ fantasize about Anders, and as images of the two of them tangled naked in the sheets of a large, lavish bed while sharing heated, passionate kisses began filling her mind, Minerva's heart fluttered. She did not even fight the impulse as the hand she had resting on her abdomen slowly made its way down under her blanket…

Only to have Anders suddenly replaced by Cullen.

Minerva's eyes snapped open and an ache formed deep in her womb in vehement protest as her hand paused in its southward journey. "No…!" she whispered desperately. "No, no, no, no, no. Please Maker, no…!" She shut her eyes and pushed the image forcibly from her mind. "Andraste's sake, _Fenris_ would be safer than Cullen and _he_ hates mages more than Templars do." She took a deep, calming breath and let it out slowly as she tried to think about Anders again, but for every setting she imagined them in…for every image she had of Anders making love to her inexperienced body, Cullen would always replace him.

And Minerva's heart would race every time!

Finally reaching mental _and _sexual frustration, Minerva gave up in her efforts. She groaned and rolled over onto her stomach in order to prevent herself from giving into her body's desires. She then buried her head under her pillow and tightly gripped the fabric to ensure her hands stayed there—cursing the betrayal of both her imagination as well as her lusting body.

This was going to be a _very_ long night.


	4. Chapter 3

Thank you to **OrielleD** for being my sounding board. You rock, chica!

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

* * *

…_Hanged Man Tavern; a few weeks later…_

"If you don't mind my saying so, Hawke…you seem tightly wound," Isabella remarked while leaning against her usual spot at the bar. "_Very_ tightly wound, actually…" She grinned knowingly then moved around so she was standing behind Minerva, and placed her hands upon her shoulders. "Oh, my…such tension..." she mused while massaging the mage's shoulders. "How long as it been since you've been bent over a table and had your treasure plundered?"

Minerva's eyes widened. "That's _none_ of your business," she said tersely as a slight blush rose into her cheeks. However, she could not stop the soft moan that escaped her as Isabella's fingers worked the tension out of her shoulders and neck. "Sweet Maker…oh, Isabella…right _there_…"

Isabella grinned and giggled softly. "Not the first time I've heard those words spoken…though I must admit, I _do_ rather like how they sound coming from you." She brushed Minerva's hair aside just enough so she could nuzzle the back of her neck.

Minerva's eyes widened before fluttering closed as a soft gasp escaped her and a shiver ran through her.

Isabella chuckled low in her throat. "Oh, my…you're wound tighter than I thought."

"Am _not_," Minerva protested hoarsely as she felt a familiar tension building within her—desperate for a release that she refused to provide. As if it was not bad enough that her sleeping patterns had suffered because of her dreams being plagued by erotic thoughts of her and Cullen, but now it would seem that her extreme sexual frustration was apparent to _everybody_.

Well…maybe not _everybody_. She had a feeling her situation would be completely lost on Merrill…maybe even Fenris since he was always either drunk or brooding, but Aveline, Varric and possibly Anders would not be so blind—_especially_ not Varric.

Oh, Maker…if _Varric_ noticed, Minerva would never hear the end of it!

"Oh, come on now, Hawke," Isabella coaxed with a smile and a lowered voice as she drew closer to Minerva's ear. "It's just us girls here, you can tell me. How long has it been?"

Minerva averted her eyes. "Never," she muttered before taking a sip from her flagon of ale.

Isabella drew closer. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

Minerva heaved a martyred sigh before looking over her shoulder at the pirate captain. "_Never_," she repeated.

Isabella blinked. "Are you saying that you're never going to tell me, or that you've never—"

"The _latter_," Minerva said hurriedly as her blush returned.

Isabella stared at Minerva silently for several moments—her mouth slightly agape. After a few moments, she blinked rapidly before giving her head a small shake and moving around so she was standing in front of the mage once more. "I'm sorry…we must not be speaking the same language. I could've sworn that you just said that you've never—"

"Because I _haven't_," Minerva hissed—her blush now matching the crimson of her hair. She all but buried her face in her flagon and allowed the curtain of her hair to hide her face.

"If you don't mind my asking, Hawke…_how_ is that possible?" Isabella hooked a finger under Minerva's chin and tilted her face up to hers with a grin that bordered on lecherous. "You're not exactly repulsive, you know."

Minerva softly cleared her throat. "I'm an apostate, Isabella," she said in a low voice. "I'm not spreading my legs for anyone unless I know I can trust him with that secret…and I haven't met that person yet."

"_I_ know your secret," Isabella said with a growing grin as she slowly traced her fingers up Minerva's arm while leaning in and nuzzling the mage's ear. "You can trust _me _not to squeal on you," she purred before giving Minerva's ear a nip.

In her current, wound-up state, it took nothing but Minerva's sheer will to keep herself from going over the edge at the feel of those teeth teasing her skin. Who would have thought her ears were so sensitive?! "Yes…you _do_ know my secret—"

"Then what are we waiting for?" Isabella purred with a grin while slipping her hand into Minerva's and gently tugging her away from the bar. "Let's go to my room."

Minerva's eyes widened. "Wait, wha—"

"Don't worry, lovely…_virginal_ Hawke," Isabella purred. "I'll be gentle."

"Isabella," Minerva squeaked while yanking her hand free. "As true as that might be, and as truly flattered as I am by the offer…I have to say no." She blushed deeply. "I…I…"

Isabella raised an eyebrow. "Prefer sea cucumbers to clams?" she supplied with a small teasing grin.

Minerva's blush remained though she did give Isabella a small grin while nodding. "Exactly," she answered with a soft chuckle.

Isabella gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "Fair enough…well, I suppose that leaves Merrill out too, which is sad because I think the two of you would make an adorable couple. What about Anders, then?" Isabella asked matter-of-factly. "_He_ knows your secret _and_ he's an apostate himself," she added in a low voice.

"True on both counts," Minerva said softly.

"_And_ I've seen the way he looks at you when you're not looking." Isabella grinned impishly. "If you beckoned, I know he'd come running despite all his protestations."

Minerva sighed and hung her head. "I know…and for the Maker's sake I _wish_ Anders was the one plaguing my every dream and waking thought, but he's not."

"Ah, so it isn't just general frustration you're dealing with but _unrequited_ frustration," Isabella said while ordering a fresh flagon for herself. "Alright then who is he?"

"I can't tell you," Minerva said while taking a sip of her ale.

"Is it Varric?" Isabella asked. "Don't be put off by his short stature," she said with a lazy grin. "As someone who's been with her share of short men, I can honestly say that they have much better leverage."

"It's not Varric," Minerva answered simply.

Isabella's eyes widened just a little. "Maker, Minerva…is it _Fenris_?"

Minerva blinked. "Are you joking? He'd probably kill me in my sleep…or while he was on top of me."

Isabella chuckled softly. "True…but at least you'd die sated."

"Could we please change the subject?" Minerva asked with an underlying desperation. "I'm having a hard enough time trying to keep myself from tackling the man to the ground without _you_ adding wood to the fire."

Isabella grinned and raised an eyebrow as she chuckled. "No…you'd much rather have _his_ wood in your fire." She threw her head back in laughter at the almost purple blush that now colored Minerva's cheeks.

Minerva covered her face with both hands and sank to the floor with a groan. "Dear Maker…just smite me down right here and now…"

Giggling, Isabella crouched down and fondly stroked Minerva's hair. "There, there."

Minerva slowly lowered her hands and looked the pirate captain in the face. "_Please_ don't say a word of this to Varric," she pleaded.

Isabella sighed and gave Minerva's head a pat. "Your secret is safe with me, sweet Hawke…and speaking of that dwarf, are you any closer to reaching your half of the funding for the Deep Roads expedition?"

Minerva slowly let out a breath—relieved that she would finally be granted some reprieve. "I'm almost there," she answered as she felt her blush fading. "Halfway there in fact." She sighed heavily and gave a small shake of her head while standing. "We'd be more than halfway there if Carver wasn't sneaking coin from those funds and spending them at the Blooming Rose."

"Oh, leave him be," Isabella soothed before taking a sip from her flagon. "He's a young man and they have needs."

"That might be true, but _I_ have a need to get my mother out of the slums so she can live the comfortable life she gave up when she married my father," Minerva said with a sigh. "She's lost _so_ much…her husband, her youngest daughter, and now she doesn't even have a home to call her own anymore." She ran a hand through her hair. "Why can't Carver understand that providing some sort of comfort for our mother is far more important than his own personal needs?"

Isabella gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "I'm not the best person to ask about this sort of thing…but Carver's a boy, and like every boy I've ever met, he thinks with his member."

"Anders doesn't think like that," Minerva said. "He's always finding ways to distance himself from me. Varric seems ever devoted to Bianca's namesake, and Fenris…" She blinked her head to the side a little. "I honestly don't know how he could possibly fit a member into those tight pants of his."

Isabella snorted before giggling. "You _do_ know that they're smaller when they're soft and not erect, don't you?"

Minerva blinked. "How much smaller?" she asked curiously.

Isabella stared at Minerva blankly for a few moments before sighing and sliding an arm around her shoulders. "Maker…you really _are_ a virgin, aren't you?" She began leading Minerva from the bar and towards the stairs.

"Where are we going?" Minerva asked.

"My room," Isabella answered. "You have _much_ to learn before you bed this man you're lusting after…_much_ to learn."


	5. Chapter 4

Thank you to **OrielleD** for being my sounding board. You rock, chica!

Many thanks to those of you who reviewed!

**A/N:** By the way, I realize that in Dragon Age Wiki, it says that Templars are _not_ required to take vows of celibacy and while marriage is not forbidden it's still not encouraged, but to me that simply doesn't make sense because they live cloistered within the Circles they're assigned to and with very few exceptions (Aveline & Wesley), you _never_ see them married or even so much as referring to a spouse. To me, that means that they have to sneak around for a little companionship.

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

* * *

_…A week later…_

"No more spiders, Isabella," Minerva growled as she stomped through the gates of Kirkwall—Varric, Isabella and Fenris not far behind her. There was a slight limp to her gait as she favored her injured leg. "I _mean_ it! I don't care _what _sort of treasure is _rumored_ to be buried in a cave, I _refuse _to brave any _more_ giant spiders unless I know for certain that there's a reward at the end!"

Fenris raised an eyebrow. "And _when_ exactly in the midst of all your running away screaming from the giant spiders were you 'braving' them?" he asked dryly.

"The fact that I didn't abandon the lot of you in the cave speaks to my bravery," Minerva replied only a little snippily. "And I wasn't running away screaming, as you put it."

"Oh?" Fenris asked with a wry grin as his second eyebrow joined the first in a raised position. "And just what _would_ you call it?"

"Putting a proper amount of distance between the horrid creatures and myself while expressing my particular disdain for them," Minerva replied simply.

Varric threw back his head and laughed while Fenris rolled his eyes and gave a shake of his head while grumbling under his breath. "Whatever you call it, I'm still inclined to agree with Hawke," he said while rubbing the back of his head. "Maybe it's my dwarven nature talking, but as much as I like a good fight, I'd much rather go into one knowing there's some kind of reward at the end…preferably glittering treasure."

"And after that last cave, I've had my fill of giant spiders to last me a lifetime," Minerva grumped. "Honestly…why does it _always_ have to be spiders?"

"Dare I ask what you _would_ rather face while treasure hunting?" Fenris asked

Minerva shrugged. "I don't know…a herd of necrotic cows…a warren of rabid bunnies? I wouldn't even mind if a troupe of singing and dancing bandits…at least we'd be entertained while we were fighting for our lives."

Varric grinned and chuckled.

Fenris blinked. "_Why_ in Andraste's name would you want to fight a necrotic cow?"

It was Minerva's turn to raise an eyebrow as she looked to Fenris. "Because necrotic though it might be, at its core it would still be a _cow_…something that can be killed by sneaking up behind it and hitting it in the head with a rock."

Fenris simply stared at Minerva blankly.

Varric grinned and chuckled. "While I wouldn't object to a bit of cabaret in the heat of battle, the odds of you finding necrotic cows or even rabid bunnies in a cave are highly unlikely, Hawke."

"Semantics," Minerva replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I just don't want to fight anymore giant spiders."

"So…_no_ more spiders?" Isabella asked cheekily after having simply listening to the banter between the three. "Is that what I'm hearing?"

"No! No more spiders!" Minerva said emphatically. "For every giant spider you bring me to, I will forcibly remove one of your piercings…and I _won't_ be starting with the ones on your face."

"Oh, turn a girl's head, why don't you?" Isabella purred with a grin while sidling up to Minerva as they walked. "I _do_ enjoy mixing pain with pleasure."

This was _not_ the reaction Minerva was expecting, and she raised an eyebrow while staring at the pirate captain. "You madam are _seriously_ depraved," she said with the softest of chuckles.

Isabella chuckled and her grin grew. "Oh, Hawke…you have no idea," she playfully grabbed Minerva's bottom and threw back her head with a laugh when the apostate squeaked and jumped in surprise.

"What have I told you about that?" Minerva asked while batting Isabella's hand away.

"Never do it in public?" Isabella asked cheekily.

"That's not what I said, and you know it," Minerva replied wryly.

"Please…don't stop on _our_ account," Varric said with a lecherous grin while elbowing Fenris in the side. "Am I right?"

Fenris chuckled nervously before clearing his throat and averting his eyes—his cheeks darkening just a little.

Minerva heaved a martyred sigh and shook her head—though she _did_ give Varric a grin. "And just would Bianca say, Varric?"

"I'll put a blanket over her," the dwarf answered cheekily.

"There, you see, Hawke?" Isabella asked with a teasing grin while twirling a lock of Minerva's crimson hair around her index finger. "All taken care of."

Minerva rolled her eyes and gently batted away Isabella's hair. "No means no," she said with a chuckle before looking down at the strip of fabric that was wrapped around her thigh—the material just beginning to get soaked through with blood. "In any case, even if the answer _wasn't _no, I wouldn't be much fun with my leg in its current state. Now, if you all will excuse me, I'm going to Anders' clinic so he can take a look at the nasty bite I've got on my leg."

"Have him take _another_ bite out of you while you're there," Isabella called after Minerva with a grin as the apostate started off in the direction of Darktown.

"Isabella…" Minerva said wearily with a soft blush.

"See you at the Hanged Man later?" Varric asked.

"If Anders doesn't _see_ her first," Isabella said with a wink and a lecherous grin.

Minerva shot the pirate a glare over her shoulder as her blush deepened. "Isabella!"

"What?" Isabella asked with a shrug and a teasing grin. "Like you would honestly turn him down if he kissed you and said 'Minerva, I must have you now'?"

Minerva opened her mouth to make a reply but found herself shutting it instead and hurriedly hobbling off with the sounds of Varric and Isabella's laughter sounding behind her.

* * *

_…Darktown…_

As she made her way through the dark, dirty tunnels, Minerva could not help but think over what Isabella had said…

What _would_ she do if Anders tried kissing her?

It was not as though they never flirted…

In fact, they _always_ flirted when they were together. Flirting with Anders was so easy and natural, and Minerva could feel a definite connection growing between the two of them. They were kindred spirits. They understood each other. They understood what it was like to live in fear of the Circle and its captivity. She had a feeling that should Anders ever let go of his inhibitions that he would love her more than anyone else ever could, and that thought warmed her heart.

Reaching Anders' clinic, Minerva stopped and leaned against the doorway—simply watching the healer as he tended to a heavily pregnant woman.

Objectively, Minerva knew she could do a lot worse for herself than Anders. He was very handsome and was in possession of a gentle, caring soul. He listened to her. He made her laugh. It was true that he had made mistakes in his life, but so did everyone. The mistakes Anders had made could not detract from the fact that he was a genuinely good man and that she felt completely at ease when she was with him. Anders was the perfect man for her…the perfect partner with which to navigate the hidden shoals of life.

Why then was it _Cullen_ who plagued her thoughts?

Was it simply because it was so forbidden?

Or was there more to it?

Minerva watched as Anders helped the pregnant woman to her feet, and her heart gave a small flutter when he smiled at her. Minerva loved his smile…the way it erased from his face the lines of stress and worry that made him look so much older than his actual years.

"It's always good to see you, Hawke," Anders greeted.

"It's always good to be seen by you, Anders," Minerva replied with a smile as she began limping towards him.

Anders' eyes widened just a little. "Minerva, you're hurt…!" He hurriedly closed the distance between the two of them and lifted Minerva into his arms. "What happened?" he asked while carrying her to a cot.

"Isabella thought she had a lead on some treasure…instead all we found were spiders," Minerva replied with a shudder. "One of them bit me…while I was running away and trying to not be eaten by it, and by the way, Anders…" She blushed. "You don't have to carry me…" Her heart still fluttered from Anders having called her by her given name. It was a rare thing for any of her friends and companions to do, but only the sound of her name upon Anders' lips could make her heart flitter within her chest like a butterfly.

"Until I know just how bad the bite is, I don't want you aggravating your leg anymore than necessary," Anders said while gently placing Minerva down on the cot before kneeling beside her. "I've seen the mandibles on those horrid beasts…" His hands were gentle as they began unwrapping the cloth currently serving as a bandage for Minerva's wound, and he hissed softly once the wound was revealed to him. "It looks angry…but I've seen worse." He tenderly rested his hand on Minerva's thigh on either side of the bite. "There doesn't seem to be any traces of poison within the wound…" He looked up so their gazes met, and he smiled. "This won't take long."

As Anders spoke, his hands began emanating a warm glow and Minerva sighed softly as the healing energy chased away the pain and knit the torn layers of skin back together. She tried focusing on how Anders' hands felt against her leg…the reverence with which they touched her. She wondered if they would be so reverent and gentle on other parts of her body, and she allowed her eyes to flutter closed as images of Anders' hands slowly moved up her legs and rested briefly upon her hips before making their way up her waist and cupping her breasts.

She shivered.

"Are you alright?" Anders asked while gently brushing his fingertips to Minerva's cheek. "Hawke…Minerva, tell me what you're feeling. Is there more pain? Are you injured elsewhere? Please tell me so I can help you."

Opening her eyes, Minerva's heart warmed at the genuine concern etched deeply into the healer's face, and she smiled. "No…there's no more pain." Her smile faltered as the images in her mind's eye of Anders' hands became replaced with hands encased in silver plated armor.

_No… _

Anders' face began to slowly shift into Cullen's.

_No…please no!_

"Anders…?" Minerva asked softly as she reached out and lightly traced her fingertips over the ever present stubble on his cheek.

"Yes?"

Desperate to free herself from whatever strange hold Cullen had on her and instead cement Anders as the one she dreamt of, Minerva leaned in and had just barely brushed her lips against the healers before he had drawn back and jumped to his feet.

"What are you doing?" Anders asked with wide eyes as he distanced himself from Minerva. Though it had been only the barest of touches of Minerva's lips against his, his heart still raced with excitement, and his blood still roared through his veins.

"Anders, please…" Minerva all but begged in a soft, plaintive voice as she stood. "Please don't push me away." She reached out a hand for her fellow apostate. "I beg of you."

Anders closed his eyes to steel himself against the plea in Minerva's voice. The desire to close the distance between them and press her close…to run his fingers through her crimson hair as he kissed her enticing lips was so very strong. It took all of his self-control to remain rooted to the spot and not do what he wanted to do from the very first moment he saw the lovely apostate. "Please don't beg me, Hawke. Whatever is here…whatever connection that is growing between us, it can never become anything more."

"But—"

"No," Anders said firmly with a shake of his head. "It would never work…because of what I am, anything and everything that we would start would be doomed to fail. I can never give you the life you deserve."

"You can't possibly know that," Minerva said desperately. "Anders, please…how will you know unless we try?"

"I simply _know_," Anders said sadly—his eyes mournful as he gazed at Minerva. "I can feel it in my bones. I know that I will hurt you…that I will break your heart because of what I am…what I have inside of me. There is simply nothing for it…it _will _happen." He took another step away. "Hurting you in such a way…ruining your life, it would kill me. You deserve so much better than me."

Minerva took a step forward. "Don't say that, Anders. Please, can't we just—"

Anders held up a hand. "Please…" he entreated with an underlying desperation. "Please, _please _I beg of you, don't ask me again." He swore that he could literally feel his heart break at the defeated expression that etched itself into Minerva's face.

"Very well…" Minerva said in an uncharacteristically soft voice that wavered just a little as she fought to keep her feelings of rejection under control even as her heart sank. "I'll leave you now…thank you for fixing my leg." She managed a ghost of a smile before turning and hurrying out of the clinic.

Anders' entire body trembled with the effort it took to not chase after her.


	6. Chapter 5

Thank you to **OrielleD** for being my sounding board and for pointing me in the right direction when I got lost chasing multiple plot bunnies. You rock, chica!

Many thanks to everyone who rleft reviews for my last chapter. Reviews keep me going!

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

* * *

…_Hightown; The next day…_

"Hawke…is everything alright?" Aveline asked as she walked down the palace steps with Minerva. The two of them were on their way to the Hanged Man to collect Varric and Isabella so they could venture into Darktown to investigate a lead on a smuggling ring.

"Hmm? Oh, yes, fine…everything is fine," Hawke replied in as much of a non-committal tone as she could muster. Her first impulse had to turn her back on Aveline and the lead—the thought of running into Anders so soon after his rejection of her the previous day was absolute torture. Only the promise of a coin reward to put towards the Deep Roads expedition was what motivated her in the end to brave the possibility of running in her fellow apostate.

What would she say if she ran into him?

What _could_ she say?

Minerva knew that any words she spoke to Anders would sound pitiful and pathetic to her ears. But could she simply ignore him if their paths crossed? Her heart was broken at having been so rejected by the man with whom she shared so close a connection that Minerva was almost certain that she would turn tail and run if she saw him.

Aveline sighed softly and gently pulled Minerva to a halt by resting a hand upon her wrist. "Hawke…have you forgotten that I'm a widow? I know a broken heart when I see one…"

Minerva simply hung her head a little more.

"It's Anders, isn't it?" Aveline prodded gently.

Minerva blinked and raised her face to the warrior woman. "How did you know?" she asked incredulously.

Aveline sighed. "While _I_ personally don't approve of him and the choices he's made in his life…I can't deny that he would be a good match for you…more than a good match in fact. The both of you are kindred spirits, and understand each other in ways that no one else possibly could. For all his mistakes and faults, he still seems to be a good man…and while he's not my type, I'm still able to admit that he's handsome enough to look upon. It only makes sense that you would attempt to begin a relationship with him." Her eyes searched her friend's face. "Judging by your current state, would I be correct in guessing that he rejected you?"

"I thought…that is to say, I honestly believed that he would be the one for me…the one whom I would love and who would love _me _for the rest of our lives…that we would raise little mage children in the wilds somewhere free of the Circle. But…it doesn't matter anymore," Minerva muttered mournfully. "He's so convinced that he'll hurt me in the long run because of his being an Abomination that he's made it perfectly clear to me that we can never be together. Isn't it ironic that his misguided attempt at protecting me is what's making my heart feel as though it's being crushed beneath the heel of someone's boot?" she asked wryly.

Aveline gave Minerva's hand a small squeeze. "I know it hurts, Hawke…but try to think of it _this_ way...perhaps this present stab of heartache now will spare you much greater heartache further down the road. Think of Ander's rejection as a blessing."

Minerva sighed softly and hung her head once more. "I would've preferred to encounter the heartache down the road…at _least_ he and I could've been happy until then…however long it was."

"But then the heartache would have been infinitely worse because you would have been so much more involved with him," Aveline countered in her firm but gentle way. "As someone who's gone through that…I can honestly tell you that it is the worst possible pain that can ever be experienced.

Minerva was silent for a few moments. Then, she raised her face to Aveline's once more—a lone tear rolling down her cheek. "But what a beautiful pain it _is_, Aveline. _All_ I want is to be_ loved_…to love and be loved by someone _so_ intensely that the both of us are consumed by it to the point that we cannot live without the other. I want someone who is the other half of my soul…someone whom I can trust above all others and know that he will _never_ let me come to harm."

It was a small, sad smile that played over Aveline's lips. "_Everyone_ wants that, Hawke…but few are fortunate enough to find it."

"_You _were fortunate enough to find it, but you're right about it being rare…especially if for mages," Minerva added bitterly as she slowly began walking again—her mind filling with images of Cullen as though to mock her. "Few would _want_ to tie themselves to an apostate, so I suppose the chances of my finding my one true love are rarer than finding a dwarf who can do magic."

"You don't know that, Minerva," Aveline said gently as she walked along beside her friend.

"Don't I?" Minerva asked softly. "You said so yourself that Anders and I are more than a good match for each other….if I can't secure _him_, then I'd say the chances of my securing _anyone_ as a husband or even a lifemate are rather hopeless."

"Minerva…"

"Must I _really_ go into Darktown?" Minerva asked with an underlying desperation as she and Aveline walked through down the covered stone steps and left Hightown behind them. "Couldn't you take Carver instead? If you need a mage, wouldn't Merrill suffice?"

Aveline sighed and shook her head. "Your brother is headstrong and impulsive…hardly the manner of person we need for this situation. Add to that the fact that his attitude leaves much to be desired, no…I _couldn't _take him instead. As to Merrill…she is a sweet, gentle soul to be sure, but I don't approve of her use of Blood Magic. The less opportunity and reason she has to use it, the better. You know I speak the truth, Hawke. Hers is a dangerous path…even more so since she refuses to see it. Fenris only seems to follow _your_ orders, and before you even _think_ about suggesting Isabella, I don't trust her any further than I can throw her…and I am a _very_ strong woman."

Minerva sighed heavily. "I know…I know, but Aveline…what if we run into Anders?"

Aveline shrugged. "I punch him in the nose," she said simply.

Minerva grinned and giggled softly. "Trust you for that, my friend. Trust you for that." She glanced at Aveline. "You know…Isabella's really not that bad. Couldn't the two of you _try_ to get along?"

"Only time will tell on that one, Hawke."

* * *

Cullen had watched Minerva covertly from the steps of the Chantry she walked down the Lowtown steps with Aveline, the new Guard-Captain. The sun was slowly beginning its descent, and the light glinted off the two very different shades of red hair that covered the heads of the two women. He could not help the small smile that curled upon the corners of his mouth as he took in the beauty of Minerva's hair as it framed her face. That the two women were friends was obvious. This was not the first time Cullen had seen them together, and they seemed too comfortable with each other for their relationship to be considered impersonal or strictly businesslike. But it was not the sight of the two unlikely friends walking together that caused Cullen to tilt his head to the side a little in silent question.

It was the fact that Minerva looked so sad.

Even from a distance, Cullen could see that Minerva was not walking with her usual confidence and that she hung her head a little as her shoulders slumped forward. There was even a slowness to her pace—a hesitation to her step. She seemed so unsure…defeated even.

What had happened?

Had Carver upset her?

Cullen found himself clenching his jaw a little. Whenever he saw the two siblings together, they always seemed to be having some sort of quarrel or another. Some were decidedly more heated than others, but Cullen did not have to be in possession of magical powers to notice that it was Carver who always started them.

Seeming to forget the reason why he had been praying in the Chantry to begin with—once again praying to the Maker and begging him to remove the impure thoughts he had of the lovely apostate from his mind—Cullen found himself striding down the remaining Chantry steps and turning decidedly towards the covered steps down which Minerva and Aveline had disappeared.

Why was he following them?

Cullen could not even begin to understand his reasoning for doing so.

Had he not just spent the better part of two hours begging to have his thoughts cleansed of impurity? Why then was he knowingly pursuing the object of his desires? It was as though the past two hours had never happened. The inner calm he had felt upon leaving the Chantry was immediately replaced by excitement and arousal as he pursued them from a distance, and he felt his heart racing every time he caught a glimpse through the crowd of Minerva walking beside the taller Guard-Captain—the way her hair swayed slowly against her back…the hypnotic, fluid motion of her hips. The two women continued in the direction of the Hanged Man where they stopped upon being met by a beardless dwarf that Cullen only vaguely recognized. What was his name? Victor? Vargus? Varric?

Though he knew the dwarf had his fingers in just about everything that went on in Kirkwall outside of the Circle, Cullen had never bothered paying much attention to him. After all, any of dwarf's dealings fell under the jurisdiction of the guards, so none of his actions were of any concern to Cullen and his fellow Templars.

Where were they going now?

Darktown by the looks of it.

Cullen stopped dead in his tracks and his eyes widened just a little. _Why_ was he following them? Was it simply so he could catch as many glimpses of the lovely apostate as he could in order to sate himself until the next time? Such carelessness could not go unchecked!

Turning quickly on his heel, Cullen hurried back the way he came—suddenly feeling the urge to pray within the safety of the Chantry walls.

* * *

_...Hanged Man; a few hours later…_

"You put your nose any deeper into that pint, Hawke you're gonna drown."

"Hmm? What?" Minerva asked after blinking and looking to Varric.

"Something troubling you, Hawke?" the dwarf asked with a raised eyebrow. "You should be happy after that smuggling ring we busted today…put a nice amount of coin in both our pockets and brought us that much closer to the expedition. What's with the frown? Need help with something?"

For all her melancholy, Minerva could not stop herself from smiling fondly at the beardless dwarf. Though they had not known each other for as long as she and Aveline had, Minerva still considered Varric a trusted friend. Every job and quest she had taken him on, Varric had proven time and time again that he had her back, and Minerva often felt naked when she went into any situation without him—her trusty dwarf. Unfortunately, what ailed her was not something that could be fixed by his connections, smooth-talking _or_ Bianca. "Not from _you_," she replied. "It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, and were the situation a different one, I _would_ take you up on it…but in this case, there's nothing you can do."

Varric furrowed his brow before raising an eyebrow. "'Lady' troubles?" he asked cautiously—clearly uncomfortable.

Minerva could not help the soft giggle that escaped her. "No," she said while shaking her head. "Well…_maybe_…sort of…that is to say it's _not_ what you're thinking…that is if you're even thinking what I _think_ you're thinking. If you are, well it's _not_ that…and if you're not, well it's not what you're thinking of _instead_ of _that_ particular thing." A soft blush crept into her cheeks.

Varric stared at Minerva in blank silent for several moments before he finally blinked. "How did you just manage to be both _extremely _wordy and yet _completely _non-descriptive at the same time?"

"A special gift, I suppose," Minerva commented wryly.

"Hey, Rivaini!" Varric called across the Tavern to Isabella who was standing at the bar waiting for her drink. "Get over here."

Minerva looked to Varric incredulously. "Varric, what're you-?"

"You bellowed?" Isabella drawled with a grin as she sauntered over to Varric's booth with a pint in hand.

"Find out what's bothering Hawke, will ya?" Varric asked of the pirate. "She claims I can't help her, and I need her wits sharp if we're going to fund this expedition."

Minerva let her forehead fall to the table with a groan.

Isabella chuckled and grabbed a hold of Minerva's arm before pulling her up to her feet. "Come on, Hawke. Grab your pint and come with me."

"Do I _have_ to?" Minerva asked meekly as she allowed Isabella to drag her—this time not putting up a fight as the pirate led her up the stairs.

"Come on, a little girl time never hurt anyone," Isabella said as she led the way to her room. Opening the door, she ushered Hawke inside before closing the door behind them. "Now then…what's on your mind, sweet thing?"

Minerva blinked. "You're not going to let me leave until I tell you, are you?"

"You would be correct in that assumption," Isabella answered before taking a long swig of her ale then moving across the room to sit on the edge of her bed—patting the spot beside her for Minerva to join her.

Minerva heaved a martyred sigh as she followed Isabella then sat down next to her. "Fine…I took a chance yesterday at Anders' clinic. I kissed him."

Isabella blinked in genuine surprise at Minerva's admitted forwardness then grinned. "That's my girl," she purred. "Look at you taking the initiative."

"He rejected me," Minerva said simply—her eyes sad.

Isabella blinked again and her jaw dropped in disbelief. "He did _what_?"

"He told me we could never be together," Minerva replied.

"After _all_ that flirting on his part and all the other signals that he was interested?" Isabella asked incredulously. "Of all the stupid…oh, that is _so_ typical of a man…leading you on with the sweet promise of happiness only to rip it away from you when you decide to accept it." She closed the distance between Minerva and herself and drew her into a one-armed embrace. "Serious relationships of a romantic nature have never been my forte, Hawke…but for what it's worth, I'm very sorry."

Minerva sighed and allowed her head to fall against Isabella's. Being taller than the pirate, it would have been awkward to rest her head upon her shoulder, so her scarf-clad head was the next best thing. "It's alright…I'll get over it gradually. Or so I hope, in any case…"

"You know what you need to do?"

Minerva sighed heavily and slowly pulled out of the pirate's embrace. "Isabella, I'm _not_ knocking boots with you."

Isabella chuckled and grinned. "As much as I still believe that I could convert you into being less rigid in your sexual preferences, that's _not_ what I was going to say."

Minerva blinked. "Oh? Then what _where_ you going to say?"

"What I was _going_ to suggest is that you allow yourself a night of simple, mindless pleasure," Isabella replied.

Another heavy sigh escaped Minerva, and she rubbed her forehead before taking a sip of her ale. "Isabella, I'm _not_ paying someone to sleep with me."

"Again…_not_ what I meant," Isabella replied dryly, though she grinned in amusement. "_I_ personally might not be one for meaningful relationships, but I know that _you_ are so I wouldn't suggest you lose your virtue to someone who didn't matter to you. Regardless how I view love and relationships, I _do_ believe that the first time should be special…" There was the slightest hint of sadness in her eyes which vanished when she blinked in response to finding Minerva staring at her in surprise. "What?"

Minerva blinked. "Nothing…I just never thought you would agree with my wanting to save myself for the man I truly love." She smiled softly. "It's sweet of you."

Isabella smiled ruefully. "I used to be like you, Minerva…innocent, idealistic…believing that two souls could meet and be bound together by a love _so_ powerful that _nothing_ could tear it asunder. But that girl died the day my own mother sold me into a marriage with a man who used me in whatever way tickled his fancy…always without my consent. In all the time we were married, he _owned_ me…and the day I was finally free of him, I swore I would _never_ be tied down to anyone again."

Minerva's eyes were sad as she reached out to her friend and placed a hand upon her shoulder. "Izzy…"

"But _yours_ is not _my_ situation," Isabella said smoothly as she pushed her unpleasant memories aside. "There's no reason why you shouldn't get your chance at deciding to _who_ you offer up your innocence." She smiled. "In the meantime, however, I suggest that you indulge in a little self-pleasure while thinking of someone who _isn't _Anders. It'll help you move on…trust me."

Minerva blushed madly. "I can't do _that_…"

"Hawke…you _have_ done that before, haven't you?" Isabella asked worriedly.

"Yes, of _course_ I have…" Minerva answered. "Just…not since I've been in Kirkwall."

Isabella, who had been taking a swig of her ale, promptly choked and spluttered on the frothy liquid. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she looked at Minerva in shock. "Are you _serious_? It's been over a _year_ since you've touched yourself?"

Minerva's face matched the color of her hair perfectly. "It's not as though I've had the opportunity to do so, Izzy…I don't have my own room, I share the loo and the bath with three other people, _and_ Carver sleeps below me…talk about a mood killer," she added dryly.

Isabella gave a small shake of her head. "Maker, Hawke…that's not good. You're a living, breathing woman with needs that should _not_ be denied." She gave her friend a gentle nudge. "Tell you what…whenever you feel that you can't fight it anymore…that you _need_ release or else your head will explode, come to me. I'll let you use my room…I'll even wait downstairs to give you the privacy you so crave," she said with a grin.

Minerva stared at Isabella in shock before blinking. "I couldn't do that…it's _your_ room. I couldn't put you out like that."

Isabella smirked. "You _wouldn't_ be putting me out, and what's more…it would be for a good cause."

Minerva was silent for several moments. "Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't genuine," Isabella replied simply before taking a sip of ale.

"Very well…I'll think about it," Minerva responded.

"Do more than _think_, sweet thing…_do_," Isabella said with a cheeky grin. "Trust me…you'll feel infinitely better and more relaxed."

Minerva chuckled softly before taking a sip of ale. "We'll see about _that_."


	7. Chapter 6

Thank you to **OrielleD** for being my sounding board and for pointing me in the right direction when I got lost chasing multiple plot bunnies. You rock, chica!

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

* * *

…_Cullen's quarters; Two weeks later…_

Cullen was hard…_painfully_ hard.

His dream had started off innocent enough. He and Minerva had simply been lounging on the floor in front of a roaring fire. Minerva had been lying on her stomach and reading aloud from a book of poetry and Cullen had been lying beside her on his side with his head propped up on his elbow as he simply listened to her voice with a peaceful smile. He was not wearing his Templar armor in this particular dream, but rather the tunic all Templars wore when they were off duty and behind the closed doors of their cloistered barracks.

He did not know where the room was located, but it appeared to be the main room of a cottage located in the wilds somewhere. He had seen snow falling on the trees outside, so wherever the cottage was, it was winter. However, inside the cottage, he and Minerva were perfectly warm and safe. He loved the way the glow from the fire played over the lovely apostate's hair, and within moments he was reaching over and stroking her silken tresses. Minerva had leaned into his caress which then prompted Cullen to shift closer to her so he could nuzzle her hair and allow his hand to slowly slide down the apostate's back.

Moments later, they were kissing. Then, they were removing each other's clothing piece by piece—their hands caressing and exploring their flesh as it became exposed before Cullen was gently pinning Minerva beneath him. His tongue deeply explored his lover's mouth as his length penetrated her to the hilt with one thrust, and even in the dream, the sound of Minerva's pleasured whimpers and moans were music to Cullen's ears.

_Fight it._

This was not the first sexual dream Cullen had had of Minerva…not by any means. However, this time, the temptation to succumb to the needs of his body—the desperate need for release—was more powerful tonight than ever before.

_Fight it…fight it! Merciful Maker…I beg you please help me fight it! Please deliver me from temptation!_

However, Cullen's silent prayers went unanswered and after the seemingly endless months of inner turmoil and torture, the last of his resolve crumbled away. He could no longer fight the impulse and he allowed his hand to slowly slide beneath the covers and then finally into his bed trousers as he rolled onto his side—a muffled sigh of relief escaping him as his fingers wrapped around his aching length. "Maker…" he whimpered in pleasure as his hand gave his inexperienced member its very first experimental stroke.

He was not worried about being discovered.

As Knight-Captain, Cullen was allowed the privilege of his own private bedchamber, and he knew that he would not be interrupted as he indulged in the self-pleasure that he had never once allowed himself to experience. As his hand moved slowly over his throbbing length, he imagined that it was Minerva's warmth encasing him, and every thrust of his hips brought renewed soft groans and gasps of pleasure. He felt something powerful building within him, and in the dream, Minerva arched beneath his powerful body and begged him wantonly to go faster…to take her harder, and Cullen could not help but oblige her—his hand tightening its grip while quickening its pace. A few drops of his seed escaped, and Cullen shuddered hard as they acted as a lubricant between his hand and his length.

"Min…Min…Minerva…!" he whimpered desperately under his breath before burying his face into his pillow and smothering his shout of release as he spilled his hot seed all over his hand, belly and sheets. His hips continued thrusting into his hand until it had milked him dry, and then he very slowly rolled over onto his back with a serene smile as a warm feeling of euphoria the likes of which he never before felt enveloped him like a cocoon. "Minerva…" he murmured as his hand rested limply over his now softened length—his taut, strong body still trembling from the first orgasm he had ever experienced. "Minerva…"

He could feel shame at his actions creeping along the edges of his euphoric haze as the seed that was spattered over his sculpted stomach became cold—reminding him of his moment of weakness. Cullen's hazel eyes snapped open, and a bright blush rose into his cheeks before he tightly shut his eyes. "Dear Maker, please…_please_ forgive me my trespass. Please hear my prayer, Maker and forgive me of my sin."

However, as the image of Minerva straddling him slowly entered his mind, he found himself less concerned with damnation and more focused on just how arousing it was to watch the beautiful apostate riding him while arching her back in pleasure—her ample breasts bouncing with every rock of her delightfully feminine hips.

So very arousing…

Cullen's fingers once again wrapped around his length as it began hardening once more. "Minerva…" he whispered as his hand slowly stroked his now erect member—using his seed as lubrication upon remembering how good it had felt when he had accidentally done so before. "Maker's breath…Minerva…!"

Seeking forgiveness could wait.

* * *

…_Merrill's home…_

It had started as a simple cup of tea.

Feeling disgusted and somewhat shaken from what she had discovered remained of Ninette de Carrac, Minerva was not quite ready to go home—not in the mood to deal with either Carver _or_ Gamlen. She did not feel the urge to visit the Hanged Man either—somehow feeling that being in such a place of disorderly frivolity would dishonor the dead woman she had found…or rather, what little remained of her. She did not feel comfortable with the idea of being alone with Anders, so that left Merrill. Not that Minerva minded in any case.

She liked Merrill. In fact, in the time they had known each other, Minerva had grown quite fond of the elf. She was genuinely sweet and good natured, and her previously sheltered life gifted her with a naïve innocence that one rarely found in adults. As a result, Minerva often viewed Merrill as something pure that needed to be protected, and she felt that she needed to be around such purity and innocence after the day she had. So she had decided to pay Merrill a visit, and they had sat at her table chatting back and forth with cups of hot tea to stave away the chill of the night. She was feeling so much more relaxed, and when she briefly closed her eyes, she was filled with a slowly blossoming feeling of general good.

That is until Minerva suddenly felt as though she had been struck by lightning.

In her seat at the table, Minerva shivered hard and her eyes fluttered closed as she focused on not allowing tea to spill out of the earthen mug she held in her hands. Though, it was no small feat. The shiver that raced through her felt like an electric shock that started at her heart and ended at the vulnerable junction between her legs as images of herself riding Cullen like a stallion suddenly raced through her mind. Though Minerva bit her bottom lip, the smallest of whimpers still escaped her as the mental images of Cullen and herself threw their heads back with joint, wordless cries of release as they clung to each other and rode the waves of their orgasm while kissing each other hungrily.

Merrill blinked her sage-green eyes worriedly and leaned forward. "Hawke? Hawke, are you alright?" She lightly touched her fingers to Minerva's hand.

Minerva was silent for a few moments then she opened her eyes slowly and even more slowly let out a breath. "Yes…yes, Merrill, I'm fine."

What was that? What had just happened? Minerva had fantasized many a time about Cullen, but it had never been this intense. It had never felt so…_real_.

"What _was_ that?" Merrill asked as she slowly returned to her original position in her chair. "Is the tea not good? Are you ill? Do I need to take you to see Anders?"

Minerva shook her head. "No, no…there's nothing wrong with the tea, I promise," she said with a gentle smile. "There's no need to visit the clinic." She blushed a little as she shook off the residual shivers of what she had just experienced. "Besides…there's only _one_ way Anders could help me with this, and he's made it abundantly clear to me that it's not an option."

Merrill blinked her lantern eyes and tilted her head to the side a little. "That doesn't sound like Anders. He wouldn't turn you away in your moment of need."

"In _this_ case, he would," Minerva said with a soft blush.

Merrill narrowed her eyes a little. "Well _that_ certainly won't do," she said while standing. "Come on. We're going to march into Anders' clinic right now and make certain that he sees to you."

Minerva squeaked and jumped to her feet—her blush darkening just a little at the lovely elf's unintentional double entendre. "Merrill! No! It's…it's not that kind of a problem. It's…" Her blush darkened even more. "It's something of a decidedly more…_personal_ nature," she said—hoping desperately that the sheltered elf would comprehend her meaning.

"Personal?" Merrill questioned before blinking and quirking her head to the side in the most adorable of ways. "Oh…oh, dear…have I missed something dirty?"

"No," Minerva said hurriedly before sighing. "Maybe…alright, _yes_ you did," she admitted finally as she slowly sat back down in her chair. "I feel strange talking about this with you."

Again, Merrill quirked her head to the side. "Why is that?"

"Because…you've been so sheltered…I'd feel like I was corrupting you somehow by talking about my urges and what sort of things seem to be passing through my mind as of late," Minerva said sheepishly.

Merrill blinked her lantern eyes then giggled as an amused smile spread over her face. "Oh, Hawke…I might have been sheltered because of my being First to my clan's Keeper, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm a woman. I may not have ever bedded anyone before, but that's not to say that I've never had my fantasies."

It was Minerva's turn to blink. "Well…that was certainly something I never expected to hear from you," she said with a small giggle and a sheepish smile. "So…it wouldn't bother you if we talked about this?"

"Not in the slightest, my friend," Merrill said with a smile and a small shake of her head.

Minerva slowly let out a breath. "Well…alright then. That shudder just then…was the result of a rather graphic fantasy that suddenly appeared in my head." She ran her fingers through her crimson locks. "The _only_ thing that will make me feel better is a very _special _sort of release…and Anders won't give that to me," she added this last bit softly.

"Even if you _want_ him to give it to you?" Merrill asked as she sat back down in her own chair. "Have you talked to him about it? I've seen the way he looks at you, Hawke…he obviously cares for you."

"He won't let our relationship become anything more than friendship," Minerva stated. "But in any case…the fantasy wasn't about _him_…so even if Anders _did_ change his mind, I just don't think I would feel right making love to _him_ while I was thinking about someone else…as much as I _wish_ it was Anders who was ravishing me in my mind just now because I truly _do_ care for him deeply." She closed her eyes. "Maker…I so _desperately_ wish it was Anders. Why, _why_ can't it be Anders?" she asked in frustration while looking up towards the ceiling. "I find him handsome…I care about him, and the thought spending the rest of my days with him fills me with such warmth. Why then is it someone _else_ I keep lusting after?"

Merrill shyly bit her bottom lip. "Who was he? The one in your fantasies, I mean. Is he handsome?"

Minerva blushed furiously. "I can't tell you…you'd think I was completely mad. But yes…he _is _handsome. Maker…he's so _very _handsome." She averted her eyes. "And I have been trying _so_ very hard _not_ to give in…to not submit to my desires, but at this point, I think it's only a matter of time before I do something completely foolish and idiotic that will endanger me." There was a desperation in her eyes as she looked to Merrill. "You have no idea how badly I long to kiss the life out of him every time I see him…to feel the weight of his body against mine as he ravishes me…but it can _never _happen."

"Is he married?" Merrill asked softly.

Minerva shook her head. "No…but that doesn't make him any less attainable."

Merrill was silent for a few moments. "Does he…prefer _male_ company to female?" she asked with a slight blush rising in her cheeks.

Minerva blinked. "I…I honestly don't know," she admitted sheepishly. "With the exception of a few times that were out of necessity, we've never actually spoken." She hung her head. "It would be foolish of me to strike up any other sort of conversation with him because of the danger it would pose to me…and those like me."

Merrill was silent for several moments then her eyes widened as realization dawned upon her face. "Hawke…please don't tell me he's a Templar."

All Minerva could do was silently avert her eyes.

Merrill leaned forward. "Hawke…!"

"It's not like I planned it!" Minerva said defensively. "I don't even know _how _it happened. How do you think _I_ feel about this? I've been going out of my mind for _months_ trying to _not_ feel the way that I feel, but no matter how hard I try, these feelings won't go away!" She let her head fall onto the table. "I'm so lost, Merrill…so _very_ lost."

"I see," Merrill mused softly. Having never been in this sort of situation before, she could not personally empathize with Minerva, but she could see that her friend was visibly distraught, so she moved her chair closer to her so she could gently stroke her fellow apostate's crimson hair. "I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you."

"Isabella says that these types of fantasies are normal and harmless and that there's no harm in 'taking things into my own hands', as it were…but what if_ this _fantasy is different?" Minerva asked worriedly. "What if only grows stronger until it has consumed every bit of me? What if one night of self-given release only leaves me wanting more? I _cannot_ get involved with this man, Merrill…it would be a _very_ bad idea."

Merrill sighed softly. "Sometimes a fantasy is just _that_…just a bit of harmless fun that allows the mind to escape and be free for a while." She gave Minerva a sweet, gentle smile. "Perhaps you're simply thinking too much in this instance."

Minerva slowly let out a breath. "So…do you think I should take Isabella's advice and not simply chalk it up to her own sexual appetite?"

Merrill nodded. "Aye…indulge yourself for a night…let your fantasies run wild in your mind and simply enjoy yourself. Remember, Hawke…_all_ living beings enter the fade when they dream, but mages are able to draw from it whenever please. You might not be able to fully control and manipulate the Fade like Dreamer, but you're _still _a mage." She smiled conspiringly. "Your fantasies can be as real as you want them to be."

Minerva's eyes widened. "Merrill…that sort of thing is dangerous. My father warned my sister and I about it. What if…" She lowered her voice. "What if I bring something back with me? Spirits and demons love to latch onto mages."

Merrill gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "Not _all_ spirits are bad. Anders is no worse for wear, is he?"

Minerva looked to Merrill with disbelief. "How can you say that? He struggles with his condition _every_ day. It's _because_ of it…because of Justice that we can't be together." She gave a small shake of her head. "No…I _can't_ do what you're suggesting."

Merrill gave another shrug of her shoulders. "Suit yourself. More tea, then?"

Minerva sighed softly and gave a small nod—happy for the change in subject. "Yes…more tea please." She could not believe how casually Merrill had suggested manipulation of the Fade for so trivial a thing. Though, in light of how casually the elf seemed to use blood magic, perhaps Minerva should _not_ have been so surprised.

She could not help but worry that so cavalier an attitude would only get Merrill into serious trouble one day.


	8. Chapter 7

Sorry if this chapter feels a little rushed, but when dealing with a 7 month old baby, one finds their focus seriously divided -,-

Thank you to **OrielleD** for being my sounding board and for pointing me in the right direction when I got lost chasing multiple plot bunnies. You rock, chica!

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

* * *

_…Chantry; the next afternoon…_

Cullen still could not get over how intense last night had been. The two times that followed after the first had felt so real that he almost really _could_ hear the sound of Minerva's excited gasps and whimpers and feel every shiver and tremble of her perfect body as he claimed and took possession of her in his mind But all the pleasure in the world could not make up for all the guilt he had felt that morning when he awoke from what was possibly the best night's slumber of his entire life.

That guilt was _why_ he was sitting in a confessional with his head hung in shame on his day off. "May the Maker forgive my trespasses," he murmured through the screen that separated him from the Chantry sister.

"What trespasses would you offer up to the Maker?" came the young, female voice from the other side of the screen.

Cullen slowly let out a sigh and closed his eyes. "I am a Templar…and as such, I must be above the more carnal desires to which civilians fall prey, and yet…for longer than I would like, I have been plagued with impure thoughts of a very specific woman." He sighed softly. "This woman…she is kind, brave, honorable…and Maker, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life. My every thought…both waking and dreaming are consumed with this woman and the desire I feel for her is nothing that I have ever felt for anyone." He hung his head. "Yet, for all my prayers to the Maker, I cannot push these thoughts from my mind, and last night…" He felt himself blush furiously to the tips of his ears. "Last night I succumbed to my lusts and…and…"

"Visited the brothel?" the sister supplied cautiously.

Cullen's eyes widened and if possible, his blush deepened. "What? _No_. I would _never_ do anything like that. Maker…I couldn't even question the prostitutes during an investigation without blushing like a choirboy." He sighed softly. "No…last night I pleasured myself while thinking of _her_. It was the first time I had ever done _anything_ like that, and I feel so very ashamed at my weakness."

There was silence on the other side of the screen. Then… "Truly? Last night was your _first_ time?" While the sister tried to remain impartial, there was the barest trace of disbelief in her voice. After all, it was in fact a _man_ on the other side of the screen. Templar or no, a man was still a man.

Cullen slowly let out a breath. "Yes, Sister…I was raised by the Chantry, and I was taught that such behavior was a sin in the eyes of the Maker. But last night…it was as though I lost every ounce of willpower that I possess." He rested his forehead in his palm. "I am so very ashamed of myself."

"If last night _was_ indeed the first time in your years of life, then I'm certain the Maker understands this singular moment of weakness." There was a smile behind the voice. "You are hereby absolved of your sin, Ser Knight. Go in peace and may the Maker's light shine upon you."

"Thank you, Sister," Cullen murmured before standing and leaving the confessional. Feeling as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he strode towards the Chantry doors with the barest of smiles playing over his lips. He felt completely relaxed and at peace. "Everything will be alright now," he murmured allowed as he stepped out into the daylight and made his way to the clean, stone steps. "Everything will be alright."

* * *

_…Docks; sunset…_

Leaning against the railing, Minerva stared out over the water as the sun began its slow descent. She sometimes came here when she needed a moment alone with her thoughts, and today was certainly no exception. So much had happened since the previous night…from her confession to Merrill to her rescue of the escaped Starkhaven mages earlier that afternoon.

Minerva did not have to worry about Merrill spilling her secret. Even if the elf _did_ mention her secret to someone else in their group of friends, the identity of Templar it was that had so iron a grip upon Minerva's desires would still remain a secret. Above all else, she knew that Anders would remain in the dark about it. Even if Merrill _did_ let the secret slip to Varric or Isabella, even the two loquacious rogues possessed enough tact and sense to know _not_ to tell the possessed apostate that the object of his affections was lusting after a Templar.

Anders…

Minerva could still see the proud, affectionate smile he had given her when she had agreed to help Thrask in his efforts to peacefully help the escaped apostates earlier that day. Oh, how that smile had warmed her heart. She had wanted so desperately to kiss him at that moment, but she knew that any kiss she would give Anders would be lacking in the hunger with which she longed to kiss Cullen, and that thought saddened her. Even if she and Anders would never be together, Minerva refused to give herself to another if she could not give herself to him wholly—body _and_ mind. But as long as she lusted after the unattainable Templar, Minerva knew that would _never_ happen.

She could no longer hold back.

If what she had experienced last night was any indication, her body would no longer allow her to ignore its desires and lusts. She could not believe how real it had felt…how any time she had begun to truly relax and let her guard down, it felt as though Cullen was _really_ inside of her and that her name was a constant murmur upon his lips between his pleasured groans as his warm breath tickled over her skin.

But those were not the only things she had felt.

Minerva had felt Cullen's desire for her. She had seen it turn his warm, hazel eyes into molten gold as they gazed deeply into hers, and it made her spine turn to jelly. It had been maddening, and even now, she could not understand how such a thing had happened. As powerful as her imagination could be, it had _never_ before been so vivid, and Minerva could no longer resist its pull.

Tonight, she would take Isabella up on her offer and use her room for a little while. Minerva had made up her mind, and she would _not_ change her it. She would give herself over to the fantasies in her imagination and she would _finally_ be free of Cullen and the strange hold he had on her. She would surrender to every erotic image in her mind and allow her imagination to run wild as she pleasured herself. Perhaps then her desires for Cullen would be sated. Perhaps _then_ she would be free to give herself fully to another if Anders truly would not have her; and if by some chance Anders _did_ change his mind, then Minerva could give herself wholly to him without fear of Cullen haunting her every thought.

Minerva's heart raced as images of Cullen began filling her mind, and as those images shifted to ones of her and Cullen making love until their trembling bodies could do nothing else but nestle into each other, a familiar ache formed deep in her womb. She could already feel wetness beginning to pool between her legs, and Minerva knew that she would not be able to hold out any longer without much needed release, so it was with deliberate steps that she turned on her heel and made her way up the stone steps that led to Lowtown.

All the while she walked, Minerva's cheeks were tinged pink.

She could not believe what she was about to do. No doubt Isabella would be tickled pink with amusement to have Minerva as her for permission to use her bedroom for privacy, but the thought of making such a request made the apostate's cheeks turn bright pink. Masturbation was something to be done privately without anyone knowing, yet Minerva would be all but telling Isabella what she was going to be doing. There was simply no way to be secretive about it. Even if she lied by saying that she needed some safe and solitary place where she could read a book, Isabella would see right through the fib.

Like Varric, the pirate had an innate ability to smell a lie a mile away.

No, there _was_ no way to hide her intentions from Isabella. However, unless Minerva wanted to be a slave to her forbidden fantasies forever, she knew she would _have_ to endure whatever teasing the pirate had in store for her. It was simply the lesser of two evils. Yet, now as she stood in front of the door to the Hanged Man, Minerva found herself rooted to the spot as she stared at the heavy, wooden door.

"Come on…come on, you can do this," Minerva encouraged softly. "You can do this."

Summoning up her courage, Minerva squared her shoulders, opened the door and hurriedly stepped inside. It did not take her long to spy Isabella who was standing at her usual place at the bar taking a long swig from her tankard, and so Minerva made her way over. Not exactly knowing how to breach the subject, Minerva simply cleared her throat when she arrived behind Isabella.

Turning, Isabella grinned in greeting. "Evening, Hawke. Buy you a drink?"

"Not tonight," Minerva answered before clearing her throat and summoning up her courage. "Isabella…Izzy…"

"Those are my names, sweet thing…don't wear them out," Isabella replied with a cheeky grin before taking a swig of ale.

Minerva nervously shifted her feet. "Isabella…remember the offer you made to me?"

Isabella slowly raised an eyebrow. "Which one, sweet Hawke…there have been _many_," she purred with a coy grin.

Minerva felt her cheeks beginning to warm. "The uh…the one where you said I could use your room whenever I needed a little…" She cleared her throat softly. "…privacy?"

"_Yes_?" Isabella replied with a questioning lilt with her brow still raised and her grin growing just a fraction of an inch.

Minerva was silent for several moments as she and the pirate simply stared at each other before she groaned and closed her eyes. "Maker…you're going to make me actually come out and ask you, aren't you?"

Isabella's grin grew as a throaty chuckle escaped her. "I _am_."

"Dare I ask _why_?" Minerva asked.

"Because it will amuse me, sweet thing," Isabella replied airily. "And you above anyone else here should know that my puckish nature is not one to be denied."

Minerva heaved a martyred sigh and tried futilely to keep herself from blushing, but could tell by how intensely her cheeks burned that her face was now the same color as her hair. "Isabella…may I _please_ use your room for…" If it was possible, she blushed even harder. "…for releasing my massively built up tension?"

Isabella giggled softly but otherwise said nothing.

"Oh, for Maker's sake…_please_ don't make me say the word," Minerva pleaded desperately.

"Can I help it if I find you utterly _adorable_ when you squirm?" Isabella asked with a smirk before sighing. "Though I believe I've tortured you enough for one night." She motioned with her head towards the stairs. "Go on then…and be sure to have fun," she added with a wink.

Minerva groaned softly and turned on her heel before beating a hasty retreat to the sound of Isabella sniggers and laughter.

_Just this one time. I'll do it just this one time, and everything will go back to normal._ These were the words Minerva kept repeating to herself like a mantra as she made her way up the staircase. _So what if I think about Cullen while I do it? It's just a fantasy…just a harmless fantasy that will stop plaguing me the moment I give into it just this once._

Though as she pushed open the door to the pirate's room, Minerva could not help but feel that it was all an exercise in futility. "Just this one time…" she murmured while closing the door with her foot, and then locking the door after a moment's thought before stripping off her clothing as she made her way over to the bed. "Just this one time while thinking of Cullen and then _everything_ will go back to normal."

She eyed the bed warily before deciding not to remove her smallclothes as she slowly climbed onto the bed and settled herself comfortably. After all, who knew how often these sheets had been cleaned? Slowly letting out another breath, Minerva allowed her eyes to drift closed as she opened herself to the fantasies she had been fighting for so long.

It did not take long for Minerva to fall prey to a particularly vivid image of Cullen taking her against a tree with slow, deep thrusts. She shivered as in the fantasy her legs wrapped tightly around the Templar and held him deep within her. Her hands cradled the back of Cullen's head and combed through his hair as he nuzzled, kissed and nibbled along the column of her neck, and Minerva did not bother to stop the whimper that escaped her in reality just as one escaped her in the dream.

They were out in broad daylight and completely naked, but they were not worried in the least about being discovered. In fact, as Minerva's fingers slipped down under her underwear and into the molten heat between her legs, she knew all that mattered to them was the intimacy of the moment they were sharing as they made love. There was nothing else outside of their little world. There was only the two of them—the warmth of each other's skin as their bodies joined together as one.

In that moment, Cullen was not a Templar, and Minerva was not a mage. They were simply a man and a woman engaged in a dance that was as old as time itself, and as Minerva's fingers delved into her wet folds as her thumb caressed her sensitive nub, her every sense was on fire with just how real the fantasy felt.

"Cullen…" she moaned softly as her free hand moved up to cup her left breast and tease her nipple through the fabric of her bra, and her back arched as a delighted shiver raced through her. "Sweet Maker…Cullen…!"

Having been so pent up for so very long, it did not take long for Minerva to go over the edge with a cry of release, and as she squeezed her eyes shut, she swore that she could actually hear Cullen crying out her name as he joined her in euphoric bliss. For the next several moments, all Minerva could do was lie on her back with a smile as her body trembled uncontrollably after the first orgasm she had experienced since leaving Ferelden. After a few minutes though, the image in her head changed to one of her and Cullen making love in a large, lavish bed, and Minerva smiled as a purr rumbled low in her throat.

"Yes, Cullen…" Minerva murmured as nibbled her bottom lip as in her mind, Cullen gently pinned her hands to the mattress as he kissed her deeply as he claimed her with hard, deep thrusts. "Take me…possess me…have your way with me…" She whimpered and arched her back as her slicked fingers resumed their work. "Do what you will with me…tonight, I belong to you and no one else. Tonight, I am completely yours."


	9. Chapter 8

Thank you to **OrielleD** for being my sounding board and for pointing me in the right direction when I got lost chasing multiple plot bunnies. You rock, chica!

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

* * *

_…Hanged Man; four weeks later…_

In the aftermath of her allowing Fenris to kill the magistrate's son, Minerva was left with a feeling of both relief and revulsion. She was relieved that so twisted a soul was no longer alive in the world and terrorizing the elves in the Alienage by taking and torturing their children before murdering them, and she was disgusted that such a person could exist to begin with. Of course, most of Minerva's revulsion was directed at the magistrate himself. _How_ could such a man claim to be on the side of justice while knowingly allowing his monster of a son to remain free and protected in the face of his atrocities?

Did goodness no longer exist within the souls of mankind?

As she pondered this, Minerva found her thoughts instinctively draw to Cullen and how he seemed to radiate light whenever she saw him. If ever there was a man with goodness in his heart…

Minerva's eyes widened before squeezing tightly shut as she gave her head a shake in attempts to clear her mind of the man whose presence had only become stronger within her thoughts since that first night of self-pleasure four weeks ago. Instead of acting as the cure she sought so desperately, that night had only served to firmly fix the Templar into Minerva's mind until he was the _only _man she fantasized about. She did not even _try _substituting him with Anders anymore because the sheer amount of effort it took made her head hurt. At this rate, Minerva would die an old made for want of so desperately desiring the one man she could never have. That thought alone was enough to make the crimson-haired mage groan and slowly shake her head before allowing her eyes to open again and stare up at the ceiling as she allowed her head to fall back.

"Maker…I should _never_ have started this," Minerva muttered while staring into the contents of her tankard.

"Should never have started _what_, sweet thing?" Isabella asked while sliding onto the bench across the table from Minerva.

Minerva squeaked in surprise. "Maker, where did you come from? I could've sworn I didn't see you when I sat down."

Isabella grinned and chuckled. "That's because I came from my room. Speaking of…did you need to borrow it again?" she asked with a waggle of her eyebrows.

Minerva shook her head violently. "No, and I don't intend to borrow it ever again," she said firmly. "You mustn't let me no matter _how_ much I beg and plead."

Isabella sighed and gave a small shake of her head. "That bad, eh?" she asked with a sympathetic smirk.

"No…that _good_," Minerva corrected mournfully. "If only he _were_ that bad. I would give _anything_ for the object of my lust to be that _bad_."

Isabella blinked. "I'm sorry…you _want_ yourself to be left unfulfilled by your fantasy lover?" she asked in confusion.

"Yes," Minerva said desperately before heaving a heavy sigh. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

Isabella raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm _trying_ to, but I must admit that I'm having trouble following your pattern of thought."

Minerva sighed and rubbed her forehead before looking the pirate captain in the eye. "The man…my fantasy lover, he's…he's not a figment of my imagination; rather, he's a man of flesh and blood…a _very_ unattainable man of flesh and blood. That night four weeks ago was supposed to quell my lusts and desires for him, but it only made them stronger." She looked into Isabella's eyes with a gaze filled with desperation. "Each time I've used your room...every fantasy in my mind has felt _so_ real. I can hear him…smell him, taste him…feel the warmth of his sculpted body, and I'm always left wanting and _craving_ more. The nights that I _don't _use your room because I'm _trying _to be strong, I simply do it in my own bunk. I'm quiet, of course…but the point is that I don't even care anymore that Carver is sleeping below me. It's become an obsession, Izzy…I can't think straight for want of _wanting_ him." A sound between a groan and a whine escaped Minerva before she let her head fall onto the table with a soft thud.

Isabella looked to her friend silently for several moments before sighing and looking to Norah as she walked past. "We're going to need another round." She glanced over at Varric who was heading up the stairs to his suite. "Put it on Varric's tab."

* * *

_…Lowtown; two hours later…_

It had gotten out of hand.

How many nights had Cullen stifled his crying out of Minerva's name in release within his pillow while spilling his hot seed all over his hand and belly as he vividly imagined the lovely apostate and himself entangled so intimately in the throes of passion?

Too many for him to count.

It had since that very first time become a nightly ritual—something Cullen did after his nightly prayers and before going to bed after his patrol. On certain nights, once was never enough; yet, in spite of the feeling of shame that Cullen inevitably felt after engaging in such an act, he could not deny that he was always left wanting more. He had long since given up trying _not_ to do it anymore…just as he had long since given up seeking forgiveness for his actions by way of confession.

It had become an addiction that rivaled the daily need for lyrium that _all _Templars endured. The sound of Minerva's voice, the warmth of her breath washing over his skin, her scent…the vividness of it all had become something that Cullen could not go one night without experiencing. But even with this new, nightly routine of his, Cullen was still left feeling wanting, and it had become maddening.

He could no longer bear the torture!

Cullen _had _to do something about it.

Perhaps all of his fantasies and lusting for Minerva simply stemmed from some sort of curiosity that needed to be satisfied. He had never pursued his infatuation with the elven mage in Ferelden. He had been able to resist his desires then, but now his famous willpower and inner strength failed him so miserably with a mere thought of how Minerva's hair glistened in the sun. Perhaps all Cullen needed was to kiss Minerva….

Just a kiss…one, small kiss.

Such an act could only result in one of two outcomes. Either his curiosity would finally be satisfied, or the experience would not live up to his fantasies. Either way, Cullen would finally be free and able to move on, and things would finally go back to normal in his life.

_That_ was why Cullen was currently waiting in one of the dark alleyways that lay between The Hanged Man and the hovel in which Minerva and her family were living. Once his patrol had ended, he had excused himself from his fellow Templars with the excuse that he was investigating a possible lead on an apostate before making his way to Lowtown in the hopes of catching Minerva.

He did not know how long he had waited. It could have been hours or a mere matter of minutes, but when he saw the beautiful apostate walking slowly past the alley alone, Cullen did not hesitate to grab her by the wrist and pull her deeper into the shadows with him where no passerby would pay them any heed.

Minerva did not scream. Rather, she pulled out the dagger she kept tucked at her back and pressed it to Cullen's throat. "I did not survive the Blight to be killed in an alley like some stray dog, so unless you fancy yourself a very close shave, I would recommend letting me go."

Not once did Minerva raise her voice or use her magic, and even with a blade pressed to his throat, Cullen could not stop the small but proud smile from spreading over his lips as the object of his desires bravely defended herself without resorting to her magic when so many other mages would have done just that. "I have been trying to let you go for months…since the first moment I met you."

Minerva slowly lowered her dagger from Cullen's throat before tucking it back into the sheath at her back as she strained her eyes in the darkness even though her body trembled with the innate instinct of just _who_ the man was. _"_I know your voice…I've heard it before." Minerva's hear raced. "Knight-Captain Cullen? What are you-?"

Cullen gripped Minerva's shoulders and pushed her against the opposite wall before pressing his lips against hers in a chaste but earnest kiss. His heart paused in his chest as Minerva stiffened in his grasp with her eyes widening in shock, and for a moment Cullen feared he had made a fatal mistake. Moments later, Minerva was pressing her hands against his chestplate and pushing him away with a look of confusion that conflicted with the evident excitement in her beautiful emerald eyes. Cullen's heart beat anxiously in his chest, but soon raced with excitement when Minerva smiled and closed the distance between them before leaning up to kiss him back.

Maker, she was kissing him back!

Cullen's kisses were chaste but earnest, and each only served to further his excitement as Minerva welcomed each and every one while gifting him with kisses of her own. The mage's lips were softer than Cullen ever imagined they would be, and they were so warm and pliant against his own—all but begging for him to claim them again and again.

Minerva did not fight Cullen this time as he pushed her back against the wall, and she slid her arms around his neck encouragingly as his hands came to tentatively rest upon her hips. After months of fantasizing about the Templar, she could not believe that one of her fantasies was actually coming true, and her very blood sang excitedly within her veins as Cullen took possession of her mouth over and over again with a restrained passion that gradually became more unbridled with each passing moment. Her thumbs lightly brushed against where his neck met his hairline, and her heart fluttered in ecstasy when Cullen shuddered and groaned softly. She shivered when she felt the Templar's tongue tentatively brush against her lips and shyly beg for entrance, and within moments she was opening her mouth to him—gasping in surprised delight before whimpering at the sudden tingles of pleasure that rushed through her as Cullen's tongue brushed against hers.

Maker, that whimper…!

Cullen's blood was like liquid fire in his veins, and his armor became unbearable as his length hardened painfully in response to that whimper that called to something buried so deeply within him that it could only be classified as primal. He felt so alive! It was as though some deep, unknown part of him had suddenly awakened after slumbering for his entire life. He felt…_complete _and every brush of Minerva's soft lips, every stroke of her sweet tongue and caress of her fingers only served as fuel to the fire burning within Cullen's very soul.

It could only have been by some miracle of the Maker that Cullen broke the kiss and pulled away, though his hands still remained upon Minerva's hips. Panting, he kept his eyes averted and fought to rein in his desires and ever-rising need to make the apostate his in that very moment—his hands openly defying him by remaining fixed upon Minerva's enticing hips in spite of his efforts to remove them. Just as he had begun to win the battle against his appendages, Minerva leaned up and kissed him again and Cullen could not stop himself from once again pressing her against the wall and claiming her perfect lips in a deep, heated kiss.

Despite his armor being in the way, Cullen could not stop himself from instinctively rocking his hips against Minerva in a pantomime of what he so yearned to do and his mind nearly melted when the lovely apostate wrapped one of those long legs around him and held him close as she rocked her own hips against his with a soft, wanton whimper. He could feel himself slipping—losing himself to his baser desires as the heat between Minerva and himself rapidly grew into that of a wildfire. But Cullen was stronger than that…albeit, just barely. He forced his hands up from the apostate's hips and gripped her shoulders before breaking the kiss and stepping back to hold her at arm's length. Panting and his cheeks warm, his eyes found Minerva's and he stared pointedly into them. "This was a moment of weakness…" he said huskily in a voice that sounded as though he were mostly trying to convince _himself_. "This can _never_ happen again."

Minerva's cheeks were flushed, and it felt like she was on fire from the inside as she gazed back into Cullen's honey-colored eyes. Yet, in spite of the ache of longing within her, she knew Cullen was right. To let things go any further than these stolen kisses was foolish and dangerous to them both, and so she nodded even as she panted softly. "I know…" she whispered huskily—resisting the urge to touch her fingers to her lips which still burned from Cullen's kisses that Minerva knew she would forever remember.

Cullen shuffled his feet a little, and his face adopted that sheepish look that Minerva found so adorable. "I would thank you for your discretion in the matter…"

Minerva reached up and lightly brushed her fingertips over Cullen's cheeks before drawing her hand away. "You know what I am…you could've handed me over to Meredith anytime you wished, but you didn't. You've kept _my_ secret all these months…what sort of person would _I_ be if I couldn't do the same for you?"

Cullen had to fight to keep himself from leaning into Minerva's hand or brushing a kiss to those fingertips. Both his theories about the kiss had been proven completely wrong, and now he had to fight twice as hard to make certain that a repeat of this night never happened again. "Thank you…and know that your secret will be forever safe with me," he murmured while barely resisting the urge to kiss the lovely mage's lips once more. Slowly releasing Minerva's shoulders, Cullen took another step back from her and tried to ignore the sudden feeling intense emptiness he felt at not having her in his arms. "May the Maker's blessings be upon you…Minerva," he murmured—already knowing that it would be torture to stay away from the beautiful mage.

"And may His light shine down upon _you_…Cullen," Minerva replied softly as she barely resisted the urge to wrap her arms around herself in order to compensate for the sudden feeling of abandonment that threatened to crush her beneath its weight. In what had been a mere matter of moments, she had gone from feeling complete and alive to more alone than she had ever felt in her entire life, and it took every ounce of restraint that she possessed _not_ to sob openly in front of the Templar.

For all Minerva's efforts, Cullen could see the pain and sadness in her beautiful eyes, and he knew that they would be mirrors of his own. His every instinct screamed at him to pull Minerva into his arms and comfort her with tender kisses and encouraging words, and he hesitated a few moments longer before turning and squaring his shoulders while hurriedly striding from the alleyway before he succumbed to those instincts.

Minerva waited only half a moment after the Templar had left before sinking to the ground with a whimper as she drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. She knew that whatever forces had seen fit to draw her to Cullen in the first place had now firmly bound her to him. With every kiss and every caress, she had felt her very soul cleaving to him as though it had recognized its true, missing half. A lone tear rolled down her cheek now as the reality of that sank in, and a soft, choked sob escaped her as she tried desperately to ignore the very real, painful ache that had taken up residency in her womb and heart as they jointly mourned the union that would never happen.


	10. Chapter 9

Thank you to **OrielleD** for being my sounding board and for pointing me in the right direction when I got lost chasing multiple plot bunnies. You rock, chica!

**A/N**: And by the way, my mage was ALWAYS stumbling into traps even with Izzy or Varric in the party…anyone _else_ have that misfortune?

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

* * *

_…Three weeks later…_

"You _never_ take me anywhere," Carver growled as he followed Minerva through the Lowtown marketplace. "You're _always_ leaving my behind."

"Aren't you the one who's _always_ complaining about being in my shadow?" Minerva asked a might snippily. "I figure you would've been happy I so often leave you to do your own thing…whatever _that_ might be."

"Oh, I get it," Carver said snidely. "You're using my words against me. Tell me, sister…does it add to your sense of self-superiority to hold me down?"

Minerva stopped in her tracks and whirled around to face her brother—not so much as flinching when he walked into her. "Oh, shut up, Carver!" Feeling nothing but anger and frustration because of the situation with Cullen, Minerva no longer had the patience to deal with her brother and his passive-aggression. "I'm beginning to think that you _like_ being in my shadow, because if you _weren't_ there, you wouldn't have anything to complain about to anyone who will listen and you wouldn't be an object to be pitied." She rolled her eyes and adopted a whining tone. "Oh, poor Carver…_always_ being held back by his elder sister. Oh, _poor_ Carver…never being allowed to grow into his own person because his elder sister is always taking center-stage."

Glaring and standing nose to nose with his sister, Carver opened his mouth, but Minerva cut him off.

"Here's a tip, _brother_…stop complaining about my dragging you around and then complain and throw a tantrum when I leave you behind. You want to stop being in my shadow? Then get off your lazy ass and step out from behind it yourself instead of waiting for _me_ to step aside for _you_." Minerva squared her shoulders. "Now then, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to work myself to the bone yet _again_ to ensure there are enough funds to go on this blighted Deep Roads expedition so that we have the chance to give mother a better and more comfortable life because she deserves it. But please by all means, go right ahead and enjoy your little pity party," she said dryly. "That seems to be what you're best at," she added before spinning on her heel and stalking away towards the steps that led down to the docks where she would be meeting Merrill, Fenris and Isabella to investigate the matter of Martin's missing cargo.

It had been three weeks since she and Cullen had kissed. It had been three weeks since she had even _seen _him because she had avoided the Gallows like the plague in order to nurse her wounds—knowing that if she saw Cullen she would either throw herself at him or burst into tears. In each moment that had passed within that period of time, Minerva felt as though her heart were being gradually crushed under a boot. She literally ached from the inside out, and all she wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry until she had no more tears left. However, Minerva had long since gotten into the habit of hiding her pain and never crying in front of anyone. After all, tears were a sign of weakness, and she could not afford to appear weak in front of people when they so often looked to her as a leader.

However, that meant her pain always manifested in other ways…

Usually, it would manifest as snark, short-tempers, or even straight out rudeness. But _this_ time was different. _This_ time, Minerva was itching for a fight—for any excuse to cause someone some pain of an either emotional or physical nature.

Carver had proved her fist victim, but it was not enough.

Minerva felt like a powder keg, and she knew it was only a matter of time before she exploded. She could only hope that she exploded on a bandit or someone who was trying to kill her instead of one of her friends.

* * *

_…The Gallows…_

Cullen was in complete misery.

More to the point, he was in agony.

The emptiness he had felt from the moment he had walked away from Minerva had gotten worse with each passing day—intensified by the fact that Cullen had not so much as gotten a glimpse of the lovely apostate since that night. He was on edge. Where was she? Was she alright? Was she hurting as much as he was? What did she think of him? Did she hate him?

Why did Cullen even care?

He was a Templar and Minerva was an apostate. An _apostate_! The only thing Cullen should care about was whether or not he had been wrong in his trusting Minerva to live freely outside the Circle. He _should_ have been worried as to whether or not his decision to continue keeping Minerva's secret and _not_ report her to Meredith would come back to haunt him somehow.

Why was Cullen so obsessed with the apostate?

It could not be based on desire…he had not touched himself in an impure manner since that night. He simply had not had the urge. Funnily enough though, Cullen did not feel the relief that he thought he would. He felt only despair because he knew down to the marrow of his bones that he had lost something important.

He was in mourning.

But how could that be?

Cullen did not even bother entertaining the possibility of love. How could he? He and Minerva had scarcely spent more than an hour in each other's company in all the time they had known each other. No…love was an impossibility.

So then, _why_ did Cullen feel as though only half his heart were beating?

"Knight-Captain? Knight-Captain, are you alright?"

Cullen blinked and regarded the young recruit looking up at him. "Yes…yes, sorry." He rubbed his forehead. "I'm fine…I just haven't been sleeping well."

How could he when he was so conflicted and tormented by thoughts and emotions that even _he_ did not understand? Yet, in the midst of all the chaos within his mind, the image of Minerva was the one thing that calmed the turmoil, and Cullen had no doubt about what he needed to do.

He _needed_ to see her. He _would_ see her. Tonight when he was relieved from duty, Cullen would seek Minerva out and...

What _would_ he do?

Would Minerva even want anything to do with him? If Cullen were to kiss her again, would she be receptive and kiss him back? Dear Maker…would she cling to him so desperately as she had three weeks ago? Cullen could not help the small shiver that ran through him at the memory, and he knew that the next few hours would feel longer than an eternity.

* * *

_…Gamlen's house; later…_

"Minerva darling, have you seen your brother?"

Tired, sore, and generally cranky from her recent encounter with bandits, smugglers, and the traps she had stumbled into before Isabella could warn her about them and disarm them, Minerva had just barely walked through the door when her mother began asking about Carver. While she tried to be polite and respectful, some annoyance still managed to work its way through. "No, mother I _haven't_ seen him…I've _just_ gotten home."

Leandra frowned. "I don't like that he stays out so late. Please be a dear and go find him?"

Minerva groaned and looked at her mother in disbelief before motioning to herself to draw attention to her disheveled state. There were smudges on her face, and her robes were ripped in certain areas. "Mother…I _just_ got home after a particularly hard day. I'm tired and could do with a bit of a lie down. Can't Gamlen go look for him?"

"I could, but I _won't_," Gamlen said while crossing his arms over his chest. "Maker's breath, Leandra…the boy is a grown man. He doesn't need his mother sending his big sister out after him."

Minerva looked briefly back and forth between her mother and uncle before starting for the small room she and Carver shared. "Well, you two seem to have this under control. I'm just going to—"

"I've lost Bethany, Gamlen," Leandra said with narrowed eyes. "Carver is all I have left."

Minerva paused briefly in her stride. _Well…it's certainly nice to know where I stand in the grand scheme of things_. Setting her jaw, she continued towards her bunk.

"Minerva…_please_ go find your brother and bring him home?" Leandra pleaded.

Minerva's first instinct was to punch the wall, stomp her foot and scream like a child for her mother to go search for Carver herself since she felt that would be the _only_ way she would be able to convey her refusal. However, Minerva managed to keep her temper in check—albeit barely—and turned on her heel with a terse smile towards her mother. "Whatever you say, mother dearest," she said sweetly before all but stomping towards the door and escaping into the outside world.

"Carver is all she has left? _Carver_?" Minerva muttered and grumbled under her breath as she stormed down the stairs and made her way towards the tavern. "Does she have _any_ idea how _I've_ been breaking my back in order to try and buy back the life she lost? What has Carver done other than complain and convey his hatred of me?" Pushing her way through the heavy door, she scanned the crowd for her brother.

"Hawke!"

Minerva turned her head to see Varric sitting at his usual table and waving her over. Not seeing Carver anywhere, she decided that the dwarf would have an idea as to where to find her surly sibling, so Minerva made her way over to him.

"Evening, Hawke. Isabella told me what happened," Varric said with a sympathetic smile. "How many times are you going to wander ahead without waiting for traps to be detected?"

"Call it a character flaw," Minerva said with a tense smile.

"I don't care _what_ you call it," Varric said while motioning to a vacant seat. "Just try to be careful okay? For my sake. Now…take a load off your feet and let me buy you a pint."

Minerva sighed heavily while sitting. "As much as I appreciate the offer and would _love_ to take you up on it, I'm not here for my pleasure. My mother sent me on an errand…something _extremely_ important, yet _not_ important enough for _her_ to conduct it and instead send _me_ out even though it's beyond obvious that I've had a bad day," she said dryly.

"Oh?" Varric asked. "What's the errand?"

"Tracking down my brother," Minerva said with a roll of her eyes.

"I see," was the simple reply before Varric took a long sip of his ale.

"Where's Carver?" Minerva asked sullenly. "With all the eyes and ears you have reporting back to you, no doubt you have an idea where I should start looking."

"Did you happen to catch that sunset today, Hawke?" Varric asked—completely avoiding the question. "Wow, talk about beautiful."

Minerva raised an eyebrow. "Varric…_where_ is my brother?" she asked pointedly of the dwarf.

Varric averted his eyes.

Isabella rolled her eyes and sat down. "Oh, for Maker's sake, Hawke…he was heading for Hightown when last I saw him. That most likely means he went to the Rose."

Minerva narrowed her eyes and set her jaw as her last string of patience finally snapped. "Excuse me," she practically snarled before turning on her heel and stalking towards the door.

Varric slowly let out a breath and gave a small shake of his head. "Andraste's ass…this is going to be bad."

"Oh, don't be silly, Varric, he'll be fine," Isabella said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Carver is a big boy. He can handle himself."

"I dunno, Rivaini," Varric said with a small shrug. "Hawke seems to have a _lot_ of rage lately."

"It's just sexual frustration," Isabella said with a small roll of her eyes. "All she needs to do is relax and give herself a good seeing to then she'll go back to normal…or find herself a nice boy. Whichever comes first."

Varric blinked then gave a small shake of his head. "I dunno, Rivaini…it seems like more than that. You saw the way she was with that last band of bandits we fought the other day on the coast. She didn't even bother using her magic when a couple of them cornered her…she just beat them to death with her staff." He gave a small shudder. "I've never seen her be so…_vicious_."

Isabella paused with her tankard halfway to her lips before heaving a martyred sigh. "Bugger, she grumbled while putting her ale down then standing. "Now you've got _me_ worried," she said before starting for the door.

* * *

_…Hightown…_

"I'm going to kill him," Minerva muttered under her breath as she stormed through Hightown. "The nerve of that spoiled cur…spending _my_ hard-earned coin on drinks and whores when it should be funding the upcoming expedition." It had not taken her long to get to Hightown in her current state. She was a woman on a mission—completely focused on finding her brother and beating seven shades of red out of him. In fact, she was too focused to notice the figure in Templar armor that had been following her from a distance since she left the Hanged Man. "I'm going to kill him. If he thinks he can spend _my _hard-earned coin on whores while _I _break my back to earn it in the first place, he's got another thing coming. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to bloody kill him, that's what I'm going to do."

"Minerva," hissed a voice from a dark alley just around the corner from the Blooming Rose.

Minerva stopped in her tracks and turned towards the alleyway's entrance—her temper diffusing immediately. The voice was so familiar to her, but she dared not believe the excited, rapid beating of her heart. "Who is it? Who's there?" she asked in a soft but clear voice as she drew closer to the mouth of the alley.

"The man whose lips have never ceased aching for yours since they first tasted them," was the soft reply.

Minerva's eyes fluttered closed, and she shivered as a familiar ache formed deeply within her. Opening her eyes again, she quickly looked around to make sure no one was watching her then quickly stepped into the cover of shadows the alley provided. Moments later, she was wrapped within strong, armor-encased arms and held tightly as her lips were claimed in a deep, heated kiss. Her arms slipped up around Cullen's neck and she pressed herself against him as she kissed him back—whimpering wantonly as the Templar's tongue danced with hers her while exploring her mouth.

Never had Cullen so desperately wished to be not wearing his armor than he did at that moment when Minerva pressed her body against his of her own volition. The soft, pleasured whimper that escaped beautiful mage only served as encouragement for him, and his arms tightened their grip around her as he slowly broke the kiss only to nuzzle and kiss his way along the graceful curve of Minerva's jaw. He was filled with a sudden swell of pride as the lovely apostate shivered and trustingly exposed her neck to him, and Cullen accepted the silent invitation as he nuzzled and kissed his way down the creamy column of Minerva's neck.

"Cullen…" Minerva whimpered softly as she shivered in rising delight and combed her fingers through the Templar's closely-clipped, golden curls before cradling his head—all while trying not to weep in delight at being in his arms again. "Oh, Cullen…"

"Minerva…" Cullen murmured with a soft nip to the apostate's pulse before he could stop himself—only to be rewarded with a sharp, pleasured gasp as her back arched. How many of his dreams and fantasies had started like this? Too many for Cullen to count, and his heart raced with excitement as what he had been thinking of so often in his head was finally made real. He could not stop himself from tentatively tracing his tongue along the shell of Minerva's ear, and he hardened for the first time in three weeks when he was rewarded with a soft but wanton whimper as the lovely apostate seemed to all but melt into him. After a few more moments, he raised his head so he could lightly rest his forehead against Minerva's and simply held her close.

"This is a bad idea…" Minerva panted softly as she worked to catch her breath and slow the racing of her heart. Her face was flushed and she longed for Cullen to rip her clothes off before taking her right then and there against the wall. It was only the fear of the two of them getting caught that kept her from begging him to do just that.

"A _very_ bad idea…" Cullen concurred softly while nuzzling Minerva's temple then burying his nose into her hair and breathing in her scent. She smelled even better than he remembered, and her crimson locks felt every bit as silken as he imagined. "It's a very dangerous game we're playing…" Finally, Cullen could not take it anymore, and he let go of Minerva just long enough to remove his heavy gloves and carefully place them on the ground so they did not clatter and give away their position. That done, he stood and slowly slid his fingers into Minerva's hair and the softest of content sighs escaped him as he reveled in the simple pleasure of feeling the soft locks between his fingers. "So soft…" he mused in a murmur. "So very much like silk…"

Minerva shivered then leaned in to nuzzle Cullen's ear. "May the Maker save us both," she murmured before giving the Templar's earlobe a light nip—smiling proudly at the low, pleasured groan that rumbled in Cullen's throat. "Because I can't walk away from whatever this is," she added softly while moving a hand down so she could motion between the two of them only to slide it back up and around Cullen's neck as she kissed him again. "I've tried…Maker knows I've tried to stamp out whatever it is that I feel for you, but I can't," she murmured between kisses.

"Neither can I," Cullen moaned softly against Minerva's lips before kissing them again. "I thought that night of stolen kisses would satisfy whatever feelings and curiosity I had…that I would finally be sated and free to live my life as I had before we met…but alas..." Another kiss. "It left me wanting more." Another kiss. "You have no idea how difficult it was for me to leave you that night…to turn my back and walk away from you."

"Yes I _do,"_ Minerva answered in a whisper. "I wanted to run after you _so_ badly…" she murmured with an underlying whimper against Cullen's lips before kissing him yet again. "My lips have ached for yours…_I _have ached for _you_."

It was a gentle, relieved smile that played over Cullen's lips as the kiss broke and his heart gave an odd flutter as his hands moved down to gently cup Minerva's face. "You have no idea how it gladdens my heart to hear you say that." He kissed the apostate's lips tenderly and simply reveled in their willingness and softness before lightly rubbing his nose against hers.

Minerva nestled into Cullen as much as his armor would allow. "What happens now?" she asked softly while resting her head against his cold chest plate—desperately wishing that the armor was no longer between them. She so longed to feel the warmth of the Templar's body against hers. "Where do we go from here? _That_ night was supposed to be a one-time thing, yet…here we are."

Cullen nuzzled Minerva's hair as his armored arms cradled her so gently to him. The lovely apostate's head fit neatly under his chin, and Cullen could only imagine how the rest of her body would fit against him if he had not been wearing his armor. "I wish I could say that I have a brilliant plan of some sort, but I don't. In all honesty…I have no idea what happens next," he admitted with a soft, rueful chuckle. "I was given to the Chantry when I was a boy after my parents died…and once I was old enough to hold a sword, I was pledged to the Order. I have no experience whatsoever with this sort of thing. I simply know that it's wrong in more than one respect because it questions everything I was taught to believe…but for the first time in my life, I find myself not caring about what's right and wrong." He gently tilted her face up to his. "I just know that I _have_ to do it." He pressed a soft, lingering kiss to Minerva's lips. "I _need_ to do it," he murmured before claiming the lovely apostate's lips in a deep, searching kiss—his soft, pleasured moan forming a unique harmony with Minerva's as the two of them clung tightly to each other.

It was not until they heard the soft clearing of a throat that they both stiffened. Cullen hurriedly pushed Minerva behind him and turned to face whoever had intruded upon them…

Only to find himself face to face with Isabella.

Her hands upon her hips, Isabella regarded the pair with a smirk. "So Hawke…_this_ is the man you've been torturing yourself over all this time," she purred.

"Isabella?" Minerva's head poked out from behind Cullen.

"You know her?" Cullen asked—every muscle in his body still tense.

"Yes, she's a friend," Minerva said as she stepped out from behind Cullen—her hand finding his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "She won't tell anyone about this, I promise."

Isabella's smirk vanished as she let out a breath and cautiously looked around before stepping into the small alley. "I like more than a little element of danger but Maker's breath, Hawke…have you _completely_ lost your mind?" she hissed. "Maker's sake, he's a blighted Templar. As soon as he's finished with you, he'll hand you over to Meredith without so much as batting an eyelash."

Cullen narrowed his eyes and growled low in his throat. "I would _never_ do such a thing. How _dare_ you insinuate such a thing when you don't even _know_ me?"

It was Isabella's turn to narrow her eyes. "I might not know _you_, but I _do_ know men. You're _all_ alike…taking whatever you want _when _you want and pretending it's yours to claim before simply discarding it like garbage the moment you've grown tired of it."

"Isabella—" Hawke tried to interject.

Cullen took a step towards Isabella. "You have _no_ idea the type of man that I am, madam, but I assure you it is _not_ the sort that you have just described. I am a man of honor and I have never treated Minerva with anything but the highest respect."

"Respect? Is _that_ what you call groping someone as inexperienced as Hawke in a dark alley like she's nothing more than a cheap whore?" Isabella scoffed while holding up a hand to stop Cullen from speaking when he opened his mouth. "Keep your breath to cool your porridge, you nug-humping bastard." Closing the distance between the pair and herself, Isabella snatched Minerva's hand from Cullen's and dragged her from the alley.

"Isabella!" Minerva cried as she dug her heels in attempts to keep the pirate from moving her but to no avail. Maker, Isabella was much stronger than she looked! Looking over her shoulder, she vainly reached out to Cullen with her free hand, but Isabella had taken her too far out of his reach, and Minerva knew he would not risk exposure by darting out after her. "Isabella, _stop_!"

"You'll thank me for this, Hawke," Isabella said evenly as she dragged Minerva down the steps that led to Lowtown.

"Thank you for _what_?" Minerva demanded.

"For saving you a _lot_ of heartache," Isabella replied. "That man is no good for you."

Minerva finally managed to gain the leverage needed to pull Isabella to a halt before freeing her hand from her iron grasp. "Who are _you_ to decide that?" she demanded—her emerald eyes narrowed angrily. "_You're_ the one always telling me to take a chance!"

"Not _this_ sort of a chance!" Isabella retorted. "Andraste's blessed ass, Hawke…_this_ sort of chance could get you killed or worse!"

"He's not like that," Minerva protested vehemently. "He'd _never_ hurt me!"

"How could you possibly know that?!" Isabella demanded.

"I just _do_!" Minerva exclaimed. "I can feel it in my very soul that I'm safe with him. Call it a gut instinct or woman's intuition, but I know that I'm in no danger from him." She breathed a heavy sigh in attempts to calm herself. "I appreciate your looking out for me…but this is something I _have_ to do," she said before turning on her heel and racing back up the stone steps and into Hightown. She did not slow her pace until she reached the alley, and as she hurriedly ducked into it, she let a sigh of relief escape her when she saw Cullen was still there—looking very much like a lost little boy.

Cullen's forlorn expression melted away the instant Minerva returned, and his heart gave an excited leap as he smiled and wrapped his arms tightly around his lovely apostate when she threw herself at him. He immediately claimed her lips in a deep kiss. "You came back…" he murmured against Minerva's soft lips between softer kisses. "You came back to me…"

"Of course I came back," Minerva replied while sliding her fingers up into Cullen's curls while kissing him. "I think I've just proven that I'll always come back to you," she murmured before kissing him again.

"Minerva…" Cullen moaned softly against the mage's lips before resting his forehead against hers as his hands came up to gently cup her cheeks. "Those things she said…I would _never_—"

"I know," Minerva interjected softly before kissing Cullen again.

"That's _not_ who I am," Cullen murmured firmly once the kiss had broken before claiming Minerva's lips again. "It's not who I am at all."

"I know," Minerva murmured against Cullen's lips. "I know…"

For several moments, all Cullen could do was simply hold Minerva close and nuzzle her hair before resting his head against hers. After a few moments however, he softly cleared his throat when a certain few words of Isabella's floated through his mind. "Minerva…when Isabella said you were _inexperienced_, did she mean that you're…?"

Minerva blushed a brilliant shade of red that matched her hair and let out a slow, long-suffering sigh. "Yes," she answered simply. "Because of what I am…because of my secret, I've always been afraid of allowing anyone to get that close to me," she admitted softly.

"I see," Cullen replied simply-a brilliant blush of his own coloring his cheeks even though a strange thrill coursed through him at the knowledge that the lovely mage in his arms was untouched by all except him.

"Alright, listen you two."

Both Minerva and Cullen started at the sound of Isabella's voice, and when they turned towards her, it was to see the pirate captain leaning against the wall with her ankles crossed and her arms crossed below her ample bosom.

"How did she…? I didn't hear her approach," Cullen admitted incredulously.

"If she was heavy of foot, she wouldn't be a very good rogue, now would she?" Minerva replied before regarding her friend warily. "What do you want now?" she asked softly.

"To help you…even though it goes against what better judgment," Isabella answered with a heavy sigh.

"How do you mean to help us?" Cullen asked warily—still not sure that he could trust the dusky-hued woman. After all, she _was_ a pirate.

"By giving you two a safe place to…do whatever this is, exactly," she said while motioning between Cullen and Minerva. "Look…Hawke has had my back since the first night we met, and she's one of the few people in this wide world who doesn't judge or look down on me. The _least_ I can do is give her a safe place to snog her questionable choice of male companion."

Minerva smiled softly. "Really? You would do that?"

Isabella sighed. "It's better than risking the two of you getting caught mid-grope in an alley," she replied dryly. "At least this way, I can be sure my friend is safe while she gets whatever _this _is out of her system."

Minerva looked up at Cullen. "What do you think?"

Cullen was silent for several moments as he gazed down at Minerva before turning his gaze back to Isabella and speaking. "Do you promise to keep our secret?"

"No one can know, Izzy…_especially_ not Anders," Minerva said.

Isabella chuckled. "Anders not being able to know? That's a bloody understatement if I ever heard one."

"Who's Anders?" Cullen asked while looking to Minerva—a sudden surge of jealousy rising within him. "Is he your…?"

"No," Minerva replied with a shake of her head. "There's no one…except you. Anders is just a friend…but he has no love for Templars."

"That's putting it mildly," Isabella said with another chuckle before sobering. "You have my word that I won't spill your secret to anyone. But know _this_, Templar…should you betray Hawke and hand her over to the Knight-Commander…should I find out that this was all that some elaborately cruel scheme to lock her up in the Gallows, I _will_ skin you alive and nail your traitorous hide to my next ship before throwing your body to the sharks. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"

Cullen gulped just a little. "Perfectly," he answered.

"Good," Isabella replied. "My room at the Hanged Man is at your disposal." She smirked a little. "Just be sure to give a girl a good amount of notice before dropping in for a tumble. You just never know when _I_ might have company."


	11. Chapter 10

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

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**Chapter 10**

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_…Two weeks later…_

At first, the forbidden lovers had been shy during their trysts—unsure as to what to do with their new freedom as they explored their shared secret. But it did not take them long to overcome that shyness and take advantage of their situation. Once they found themselves in the relative protection of Isabella's room, it did not take long before their clothing and armor found their way to the floor as their lips met over and over again. Their kisses and movements lacked the hungry desperation they possessed during the two stolen moments Minerva and Cullen had shared in the alleys, but they by no means lacked in passion.

Cullen was never aggressive, and he never pushed Minerva further than where she wanted to go. Being a virgin himself, he understood only too well the nervousness of the lovely apostate, and truthfully…he was relieved that they had not gone beyond kissing and touching—or as Isabella so aptly put it, 'snogging'. Most men who had suddenly been presented with the opportunity to experience the physical pleasures that had been denied for so long would have jumped at the chance to experience it all at once—gorging themselves like starving men led to a banquet.

But Cullen was in no rush.

This slower pace gave Cullen the chance to become familiar with Minerva's perfect body and discover all those secret places that made her shiver so delightedly while he gradually built his confidence as her would-be lover. After all, his knowledge of this sort of thing stemmed only from what he had heard from widowers who had joined the order as they reminisced over their lost loves or from new recruits bragging amongst themselves of their secret exploits in the brothel. In the latter situation, Cullen had always chalked a good portion of it up to exaggeration.

This of course meant that Cullen had to learn a great deal on his own. But fortunately for him, Minerva was only too happy to learn right along with him—her own fingers contentedly exploring the expanse of his sculpted body. While Cullen's kisses were heated they were still gentle, and his hands were ever reverent as they moved over Minerva's shapely body and committed her every curve to memory.

Just like now.

Lying upon their sides in naught but their smallclothes, Minerva and Cullen's legs were tangled lazily together as their lips met and came together again and again. They reveled in the warmth of each other's skin as they held each other close. This was one of the nights in which Isabella planned to not have 'company' which meant the couple could take their time until they were finally forced to part ways until the next time they were able to meet again.

Minerva sighed softly in contentment and gently ran her long fingers through Cullen's short, tight curls as he broke their kiss only to slowly nuzzle and kiss his way down her neck. She knowingly gave the top of Cullen's ear a soft nip, and grinned proudly when she was rewarded with a shiver and a pleasured groan. Her victory was short lived however when her Templar nuzzled the spot where her neck and shoulder met before drawing a slow lick along her pulse—eliciting a gasp followed by a soft whimper as a shiver raced through her. The shiver only intensified with every brush of Cullen's hard length against her thigh through his smallclothes. Her fingers laced through his as she found herself gently pushed onto her back, and she smiled up at her Templar as he settled himself on top of her—enjoying the weight of his body. "Hello," she murmured before her eyes fluttered closed and another shiver raced through her as the evident bulge of his arousal pressed against her core—her legs automatically spreading for him.

Cullen smiled and lightly rubbed is nose against Minerva's. "Hello," he murmured in reply before capturing her lips in a slow, searching kiss as his hips slowly rocked against her. He shivered and groaned softly as Minerva's toes slowly caressed down his calves, and his fingers tightened their grip just a little. "My beautiful mage," he breathed before kissing her again—groaning in pleasure as the heat from Minerva's core radiated over his hardening length.

"My handsome Templar," Minerva whimpered softly in reply with a smile—her heart racing as is always did whenever Cullen called her 'his'.

Cullen's heart gave an odd skip, and he stopped the rocking of his hips with a soft sigh before lowering his gaze to where his and Minerva's fingers were intertwined. The word 'my' had rolled so easily off his tongue, and it had felt so natural. Despite the fact that the two of them had yet to consummate their relationship, Cullen could not deny the fact that he truly _did_ view Minerva as _his_.

"What is it?" Minerva asked softly while tilting her head a little to the side.

Cullen was silent for several moments as he tried to make sense of his thoughts and feelings. At length, he sighed and raised his gaze to Minerva's. "Since we first started this, I have tried _so_ hard to treat this as nothing more than some strange urge or curiosity that needed to be sated. I have tried so _very_ hard _not_ to care for you for both our sakes because of who and what we are…but I _do_ care for you, Minerva…very deeply in fact…" He slowly let out a breath. "And now…these stolen moments such as they are…they have become so _very _precious to me, but the way we spend these moments is no longer enough. I want more. I want to be closer to you."

Minerva gulped softly. "Cullen…despite what my body screams for whenever I'm within kissing distance of you…I'm not ready for consummation," she murmured with a blush.

Cullen blinked then blushed a shade of crimson that rivaled Minerva's hair as he shifted so he was lying on his side beside her. "Maker, Minerva no. No, that's not what I meant at all."

"It isn't?" Minerva asked in genuine surprise.

Cullen gave a small shake of his head. "No…I…I simply to _know_ you," Cullen said softly as he gazed into Minerva's eyes.

"Know me?" Minerva questioned.

Cullen nodded. "Yes…for instance…what's your favorite color?" he asked with a shy smile.

Minerva blinked—truly taken aback by this turn of events. During the course of all their secret trysts, they had never discussed anything personal. Whatever her feelings for Cullen might be, she could not ignore that fact that he was a Templar and that whatever feelings they had for each other would never be allowed to truly come to fruition. While she had been unsuccessful in not coming to care for the man lying beside her, she still did not expect Cullen to feel the same way towards her or to be the first one to voice those feelings.

Yet now as she gazed at Cullen who was looking at her so earnestly, Minerva found that she no longer cared about the complications surrounding them. How could she care when Cullen was looking at her with such warmth in his eyes? Smiling softly, she let out a small sigh. "Purple," she answered softly—her heart fluttering oddly in her chest at having revealed a fact about herself to Cullen. "And yourself?"

Cullen's smile grew, and his heart skipped delightedly within his chest. "Green," he replied while gazing deeply into Minerva's vibrant, emerald eyes and brushing his thumb over her knuckles.

Minerva blushed a little and her heart briefly quickened. "Do you prefer sunny days or rainy ones?

"That depends on the situation," Cullen answered.

"How do you mean?" Minerva asked.

"Well, if I am outside and on duty, naturally I prefer sunny clear days…" Cullen replied.

"I can't imagine that wearing armor in the rain is very pleasant," Minerva mused with a soft chuckle.

"You would be correct," Cullen replied with a soft chuckle of his own. "But so long as I'm indoors, I rather enjoy a rainy day." He smiled softly. "Sitting in front of a warm fire…whether it be in the library or in the privacy of my own room, with a book in hand…it's a much appreciated moment of tranquility."

Minerva smiled softly. "I can appreciate that."

"What of you?" Cullen asked as his thumb lightly brushed over his apostate's knuckles.

"I loved sunny days back in Ferelden just _after _the rain," Minerva mused with a distant smile. "Lothering, the village in which we lived, was tranquil and so very green. Just after a storm, the grass would be so vivid and green, and the flowers would almost glisten like jewels as the sunlight was captured in residual droplets of rain." Her smile became sad around the edges. "My sister Bethany and I used to _love_ to walk barefoot through the fields just after it rained…simply feeling the earth's renewed energy thrumming through us..."

"It sounds beautiful…" Cullen said softly.

"It _was_…but then the Darkspawn came…and everything went wrong," Minerva said softly before clearing her throat giving her head a small shake in order to shake off the memory of Bethany's broken body that so often haunted her nightmares—the vision of the ogre smashing her again and again into the ground playing on a never ending loop.

"What is your favorite flower?" Cullen asked in attempts to change the subject upon seeing the thinly veiled distress upon Minerva's face. His thumb once again brushed over her knuckles, and he smiled softly when he saw that the small action seemed to sooth his lovely apostate.

"Honeysuckles," Minerva answered without a second thought. "Their sweet smell…before the Blight, my mother and I would always place them amongst all our clothing, and they always made such lovely additions to the bouquets of wildflowers Bethany and I would gather every few days." She smiled fondly. "When we little girls, Bethany and I would weave the blossoms into our hair and pretend to be princesses."

Cullen smiled at the mental image. "I'm sure you were a lovely little girl."

"When I was a child, yes…but once my adolescence came I was nothing but limbs," Minerva replied with a small roll of her eyes. "Awkward and a gawky…always tripping over my own feet, though thankfully I always managed to catch myself before I hit the ground."

Cullen laughed softly. "You've clearly grown out of that though," he said with a smile. "You went from being an ugly duckling to being a beautiful swan."

Minerva blushed softly. "That's sweet of you to say," she murmured before leaning in and brushing a kiss to Cullen's lips. "I would've liked to have seen _you_ as a boy."

"No…most definitely _not_," Cullen said with a soft laugh though he blushed a little while leaning in and lightly brushing his nose against Minerva's. "However gawky and awkward you believed that _you_ were is nothing compared to how gawky and awkward _I_ was…talk about being all limbs." He chuckled. "And feet that I never _ever_ thought that I grow into…I was always tripping over them and finding myself on the ground. I never had your fortune of catching myself beforehand," he said with a mock-glare.

Minerva giggled. "Yes, well…you've _clearly_ grown out of that," she said while slowly sweeping her gaze over Cullen's form. "I can scarcely imagine you being any other way than what you are now…all strength and muscle."

Cullen blushed and smiled shyly. "I'm glad you find my form as pleasing as I find yours."

It was Minerva's turn to blush, and she sighed softly in contentment as Cullen's lips brushed softly against hers. "So you enjoy reading then?" she asked.

"I _do_," Cullen answered with a small smile. "There's little else to do in the Chantry other than pray and read, so I quickly developed a liking for it. What about you?"

Minerva nodded. "I _do_ love reading," she admitted. "One of my fondest memories from my childhood is my father reading to me. It didn't matter what it was…poetry, history…a book of potion recipes, all that mattered was the sound of his voice. It was always so soothing even in times of trouble. It didn't matter if I had a nightmare, or if Carver had said something to hurt my feelings…all my father had to do was talk to me and I _truly_ believed that everything was going to be alright." She smiled sadly. "Even when he was on his deathbed and telling me that I was now responsible for my mother and siblings…I felt calm in the face of my fear."

"The two of you were close," Cullen stated in a soft, matter-of-fact voice.

"Yes we _were_," Minerva answered softly. "He loved all three of his children vehemently, but he and I had always shared a special bond. I'd say it was because of our magic, but even Bethany was closer to mother despite her being a mage."

"Maybe it's not as simple as that," Cullen mused. "Perhaps, he saw more of himself in you than in your brother and sister." He softly cleared his throat. "While I never met your father, I've heard stories. Despite his escaping from the Circle, he was by all accounts a brave, honorable and truly good man who was capable of both seeing the best in everyone he met and uniting those with even the most different creeds."

Minerva smiled softly. "Is that what _you_ see in me?"

"It _is_," Cullen answered with a small nod. "You saved my life when it would have been easier for you to leave me to die, and you helped me _after_ that even when you didn't have to." He smiled softly. "And don't think that I haven't noticed your motley group of friends…all of them so very different and yet united by _you_." He lightly rubbed his nose against Minerva's. "No doubt your father saw that potential within you and sought to groom it. Perhaps he knew it would serve you well one day."

"I never thought of it that way," Minerva mused softly with a distant smile.

Cullen smiled softly. "What frightens you the most?" he asked softly while resting his forehead against Minerva's.

"There are only two things that terrify me," Minerva replied. "The first one is spiders…not the small ones that you might find tucked up in the corners of a bedroom, but the ones found in the wilds…the vicious ones that are the same size as my Mabari." She shuddered.

"I can understand that fear," Cullen said with a sigh as he shifted so he could wrap his arms around Minerva. "I'm not overtly fond of them myself," he muttered while pressing a kiss to her forehead. "What's the second thing?"

"Entrapment," Minerva answered softly. "Being imprisoned with no hopes of escape…" She nestled into Cullen so that her head fit neatly under his chin. "My father took such pains to ensure that Bethany and I remained free of the Circle…I don't think I would do well in a life of captivity. In fact…I know that my soul would die."

Cullen slowly stroked Minerva's crimson locks as he rested his head against hers. "I would never imprison you," he murmured. "You never have to fear that from me."

Minerva smiled softly. "I believe that in my heart…but it's always reassuring to hear it aloud." She nuzzled Cullen's throat. "What are _you_ most afraid of?"

Cullen stiffened a little then slowly released Minerva from his embrace before rolling onto his back. "Maleficarum," he answered without a second thought.

Minerva sat up and gazed down upon the Templar who suddenly seemed so very haunted. "Is this a general fear that stems from your being a Templar, or did something happen to you?" she asked softly while gently taking one of Cullen's hands in both of her own.

Cullen was silent for a few moments. "I came here from the Ferelden Circle…there was an uprising." He closed his eyes against the memories. "The things that Uldred and his followers did not only to the Templars who tried to stop him, but to the mages who would not follow him…are too horrific for me to utter aloud. But it was _horrible_…the way they reached into our mind and turned our own thoughts against us…" He squeezed Minerva's hands. "On some nights, I can still hear the screams of those they tortured…screams that _no_ human should _ever_ make."

Minerva freed her left hand and gently caressed Cullen's forehead before slowly stroking his short, tight curls in hopes of soothing him. "I feel it would be pointless to tell you that not _all_ mages are like that…but it's true."

Cullen opened his eyes and his gaze found Minerva's. "I know. First Enchanter Irving, First Enchanter Orsino, the mages who resisted Uldred…_you_…you are _all _shining examples of what mages _should_ be. You use your Maker-given abilities for the good and betterment of others." He averted his gaze a little. "But the threat is still there, isn't it?" he asked softly.

Minerva was silent for a few moments. "Do you fear me?" she asked softly at last.

Cullen returned his gaze to Minerva and met her eyes head on. "No," he answered in a soft but firm voice. "Not you…_never_ you." His heart fluttered at the small but no less relieved smile that played over Minerva's lips. "Do _you_ fear _me_?"

Minerva slowly shook her head. "I know that I should…but I don't. As mad as it sounds, I know that I will never come to any harm at your hands."

Cullen smiled and reached up with his free hand to stroke Minerva's cheek before cupping it gently. "I could _never_ hurt you," he murmured earnestly. "The thought of causing you any sort of harm…it sickens me."

Minerva leaned down and brushed a chaste but lingering kiss to Cullen's lips. "That settles _that_ then," she murmured with a smile.

Cullen's smile grew a fraction of an inch and he moved his arms so they wrapped around Minerva. "Indeed it does," he replied while gently pulling Minerva down on top of him. "We trust each other." He kissed her and his hands slowly trailed down her back. "I trust you with my life," he murmured against his lover's lips before kissing them again.

Minerva rested her forehead against Cullen's. "And I feel safer when I'm with you than I _ever_ have in my entire life," she breathed softly with a smile before her eyes widened just a little as she felt Cullen grow hard beneath her with naught but their smallclothes between them. "Oh, my…"

Though a blush colored Cullen's cheeks, his smile was one of male pride. "It's what you do to me," he said with the softest of growls to his voice as his hands moved down to rest upon her hips—gripping them gently. "It's your own fault for being so beautiful…"

Seized by a sudden impulse, Minerva grinned impishly and kissed Cullen before sitting up and giving a deliberate rock of her hips while granting her Templar a full view of her—her grin only growing when he groaned and closed his eyes with a shudder. "Am I really asbeautiful as you say?" She rocked her hips again and shivered as a soft whimper escaped her.

Opening his eyes half way, Cullen watched as Minerva rode him and he growled low in his throat as his hands tightened their grip upon her hips to keep her in place. "So _very _beautiful…" he growled softly. The sight of Minerva's breasts bouncing in slow motion as an aroused flush colored her creamy skin was so _very _erotic, and it only served to harden his length even more. "My beautiful…_beautiful_, wicked mage…"

Minerva opened her eyes and gazed down at Cullen while raising an eyebrow. "Wicked, am I?" she asked with a teasing grin as she stopped her movements and began shifting to climb off him. "Well then, my poor Templar…perhaps I should simply stop…"

Cullen's strong hands tightened their grip. "Don't…you…_dare_."

The hunger in Cullen's eyes sent a hard shiver through Minerva's body, and the heat between her legs became molten as an ache formed deep in her womb. "Don't worry…" she purred with an underlying whimper as she started rocking her hips again. "I couldn't stop even if I wanted to."

They had never done this before. They had always gone their separate ways when things became too heated between them and then simply 'took care' of themselves when they were alone. But _this_…this was something so very new, and it had happened so naturally. Neither of them had forced the issue, but they had not run away from it either. They simply embraced it as a reality—as the next step in their evolving relationship.

And it felt so good!

Cullen's hand could never again compare to the hot wetness now soaking through Minerva's smallclothes and into his own. He shuddered hard as that wetness coated his throbbing length, and he knew that masturbating in the dark privacy of his room would forever pale in comparison to the feel of his lover's body moving against his so intimately as they pleasured each other. The sounds of Minerva's delight, the pleasured expressions playing over her face…it was so much better than he ever imagined. "Minerva…!" he groaned before pulling his apostate down close and wrapping his arms tightly around her before rolling them so she was pinned beneath him. He kissed her hungrily and rocked his hips against hers—shuddering in pleasure and delight as he felt his orgasm building fast within him.

Minerva whimpered wantonly into the kiss and wrapped her legs around Cullen's waist while arching her back. She could feel her orgasm building within her, and she already knew it would be the strongest she had ever experienced. "Cullen…" she moaned while digging her nails gently into her Templar's shoulders. "Cullen…!"

"Mi…ner…va…!" Cullen's mouth crashed down upon his lover's, and he stifled their cries of release in a deep, hungry kiss. He did not stop thrusting until he had emptied himself—evidenced by the large, wet spot in the fabric of his smallclothes. When he finally finished, he slowly rolled so he was on his back and Minerva was nestled into his side. This shared orgasm was so very intense and left Cullen with a sense of euphoria the likes of which he never before felt. Unlike those times in his room, there was no guilt that immediately followed. In spite of going against his vows, what he and Minerva had just shared felt completely right. "Sweet…Maker…" he panted once he was able to formulate words while holding his mage close.

An arm draped across Cullen's chest, Minerva rested her hand over her Templar's heart and panted softly while trembling with small aftershocks of pleasure as she nuzzled her lover's neck before tenderly kissed his shoulder. "I know…" she breathed in reply. "I can only imagine how it will be when we actually make love."

Cullen turned his head so he could nuzzle Minerva's hair. "Though we have yet to consummate with each other, I still feel so _very_ close to you…and not just because of what we just did." He fell silent for a few moments. "Minerva…I have been hopelessly drawn to you from the first moment we met. You haunt my dreams and my every waking thought. I can't explain why, but…I feel as though there is a connection between us that is far stronger than any spell…and that it grows stronger with each day." He fell silent again. "Do you think me mad?" he asked softly after a few moments.

Minerva smiled softly. "No…and if I _did_, I would think myself mad as well, because I feel it too. Not a day goes by in which you don't move through my mind as though you've always been there…as though you belonged there." She tilted her head up and brushed a kiss to Cullen's jaw—just shy of his closely-shaven goatee. She sighed contentedly as her Templar captured her lips in a slow kiss. "My Templar…" she whispered.

"My mage…" Cullen murmured against Minerva's lips while cradling her shapely, pliant body against the hard plains of his. "My sweet, beautiful, _perfect_ mage…" He kissed her again—savoring the feel and taste of her lips as he knew they would have to part ways soon. "The Maker saw fit to make our paths cross for a purpose…and my life will never be the same as a result." He smiled against Minerva's lips. "But I find myself not caring."

Minerva's smile remained. "You're not the only one," she murmured.

Sighing contentedly, Cullen simply rested his head against Minerva's while holding her close. "My heart is glad," he said while resting a hand over the one his lover had resting over his heart.

"You have to leave soon, don't you?" Minerva asked softly.

"Unfortunately yes," Cullen answered ruefully—his hand tightening over Minerva's hand as his arm tightened around her body. "Maker, how I wish I didn't have to."

"When can we see each other again?"

"I'll send word to you through Isabella," Cullen replied. The vulnerable waver in Minerva's made Cullen's heart feel as though it were being squeezed in a vice. "I promise it won't be long."

"Don't rush it," Minerva all but pleaded. "I don't want you to get caught because you were careless."

Cullen smiled softly and pressed a tender kiss to Minerva's forehead. "I promise to be careful, my darling…just as I promise to always find my way back to your side." He released Minerva's hand so he could hook a finger gently under her chin and gaze deeply into her eyes. "Not even the Maker will keep us apart forever."


	12. Chapter 11

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

* * *

_… A week later…_

"Minerva, darling…is something wrong?" Cullen asked as he and Minerva sat on the edge of the bed. As inexperienced as he was in these sort of dealings, he still had enough sense to see that his mage was distracted—her thoughts miles away even as she tried to reciprocate every kiss and caress he bestowed upon her.

Inwardly, Minerva was kicking herself. In order to keep from arousing suspicion, they had to limit the amount of times they met. Isabella was always good at running interference and causing distractions so Cullen was able to sneak in and out of the Hanged Man, but that did not mean that the process was not tricky. While Cullen never wore his armor during their rendezvous—all the better in allowing him to move quietly so as not to draw unwanted attention—he was not exactly adept at moving unseen within a crowd. Even with a hooded cloak, he lacked the finesse to slip smoothly between people and had a tendency to draw attention to himself with his tall, broad build. On more than one occasion, Isabella had to think quickly on her feet because someone had caught a glimpse of Cullen's face beneath his hood and recognized him. All of this trials and difficulties made the moments Minerva and Cullen shared together all the more precious to them, and neither sought to squander a second of them.

This made Minerva all the angrier at herself in that moment for allowing herself to become distracted. "It's nothing," she replied in less of a convincing tone than she would have liked as she tried desperately to focus her every thought on Cullen.

"You and I both know that's not true," Cullen said gently while hooking a finger under Minerva's chin and slowly turning her face towards his. "Something is obviously bothering you. What is it?" He nervously bit his bottom lip. "Is it about us?" he asked softly.

Minerva hurriedly shook her head. "No, never," she said earnestly while cupping a hand to Cullen's cheek. "These stolen moments that I spend with you are the happiest I've ever known," she said with a smile before tenderly kissing the corner of Cullen's mouth.

"But something _is_ bothering you," Cullen prodded gently while turning his head just enough to brush a feather light kiss to Minerva's wrist. "I can see it in your eyes…you're _miles _away from me even though I'm right here beside you. What is it? You _can_ tell me…"

"Why does it matter to you?" Minerva asked softly as she averted her eyes—ashamed that she was bothered so much by her distracting thoughts.

"Because _you_ matter to me," Cullen answered simply—amazed at how easily the admission came.

Minerva's heart fluttered in her chest at Cullen's admission, and she brought her gaze back so she could look into his eyes—eyes that were always so _very _warm and gentle when they regarded her. She could not bear being insincere in any way in the face of those eyes, so she opened herself up to the Templar yet again. "What do you know of Sister Petrice?" she asked softly at last.

Cullen blinked and frowned slightly in thought before tilting his head to the side a little. "I don't know her personally, but from what I've seen of her…she's exceptionally dedicated and devout in her beliefs to the point where I would almost call her a fanatic. Why do you ask?"

"I had a run-in with her late last night…or rather, very early this morning," Minerva answered. "She enlisted me for a task, and I foolishly agreed to see it through."

"What happened?" Cullen asked softly.

Minerva sighed softly—having a feeling that Cullen was not going to like what she was about to tell him. "She had me escort a Serebas…a Qunari mage out of the city."

Cullen breathed a heavy sigh. "Minerva…"

"Cullen, I _had_ to," Minerva said earnestly. "You don't understand…"

"Understand _what_? The fact that you knowingly smuggled a mage out of the city…and not just _any_ mage but a Qunari? Minerva…do you have any idea just what sort of a political quagmire that is?"

"Cullen _please_…listen to me," Minerva entreated. "For all the complaints human mages have about the Circle… they are still treated with some semblance of fairness. But Cullen, the Qunari…" she shuddered at the memory of how the Serabas had appeared to her. "The way they treat their mages…keeping them chained, collared and mute with their lips actually stitched shut..." A lone tear rolled down her cheek and her bottom lip trembled just a little. "Cullen…I _had_ to help him. His treatment was simply _too _cruel and horrible for me to ignore. Please try to understand that and _not_ think too ill of me."

Cullen gently pulled Minerva into his embrace and cradled her to him while resting his head against hers. "Minerva…_my _Minerva, I could never think ill of you. But…why did you not simply bring him to _me_? I could have taken him to the Circle where he would have known better treatment."

"I thought about it," Minerva admitted softly. "Truly, I did…but then I feared that it would only serve to make the tension worse between the people of Kirkwall and the Qunari."

Cullen slowly let out a sigh. "I can understand that reasoning," he admitted after a few moments while tenderly nuzzling Minerva's crimson locks. "Is _that_ what has you so upset? The way the Qunari treat their mages?"

"If only it were that simple," Minerva answered.

"There's more?" Cullen asked.

"The whole thing was a setup," Minerva answered bitterly. "A trap I was not expected to survive."

Cullen drew his eyebrows together. "What do you mean?" He listened quietly the entire time Minerva recounted what had happened, and once she had finished, his jaw was tightly clenched. "Do you really think that Sister Petrice knowingly sent you into harm's way like a lamb to the slaughter?" While his voice was dangerously calm, there was the softest of growls to his voice as he narrowed his eyes.

"Her reaction to seeing me alive speaks for itself," Minerva answered simply. "And in the end, it was all for nothing…the Serebas killed himself right in front of me." She let her head fall onto Cullen's shoulder. "I don't know _what_ Petrice's true intentions were…what her game is, but I was used as a pawn and clearly, she expected me to be sacrificed." She hung her head a little. "If I had been alone, no doubt I _would_ have met my end."

"This will _not_ stand," Cullen said simply. "I will have this Sister Petrice brought under investigation immediately, and Ser Varnell will be disciplined immediately for the part he played."

Minerva's eyes widened and she raised her head so she could gaze into Cullen's eyes—noting that they had gone cold. "No, my darling…" she placated while cupping her Templar's face in her hands. "You must leave them alone."

Cullen looked to Minerva incredulously. "How can you ask that of me? Minerva…how can you ask me to do _nothing_ after what almost happened to you? You could have _died_. You said so yourself that had you been alone you would not have made it out of that situation alive. Petrice _knew_ what would happen, and she knowingly sent you like a bloody lamb to the slaughter. Knowing this, _how_ can I sit idly by and do _nothing_?"

Minerva kissed Cullen's lips tenderly. "Because nothing is what you _must_ do. Cullen…_my_ knight, Petrice knows what I am. She _saw_ me use my powers when foolishly leapt to her defense in Lowtown when she was attacked by one of the street gangs. If _you_ were to confront her, how long do you think it will take her to realize just _who_ pointed you in her direction? She is a Chantry Sister, and the Templars serve the Chantry. It would be only too easy for her to either send a message to Meredith or pay her a personal visit and inform her that her Knight-Captain is knowingly allowing an apostate to live outside the Circle."

Cullen fell silent.

Minerva could see the realization dawning upon Cullen's face, so she kept her voice gentle. She could not deny the warmth that spread through her at her Templar's readiness to rise so valiantly to her defense. "Who do you think Meredith is most likely to believe…a Templar and a Chantry Sister with corroborating stories or one lone Knight-Captain? And no doubt, Petrice and Varnell will state that I've bewitched and corrupted you." She brushed a soft kiss to Cullen's chin. "What would Meredith do to you?"

"Forget about _me_," Cullen murmured as his hands moved to grip Minerva's shoulders. "What would Meredith do to _you_?" He pulled his mage into his embrace. "Very well…I will do nothing if it means keeping you safe. But it won't be easy for me."

"I know," Minerva answered softly.

"Do you?" Cullen asked simply. "Minerva…do you _truly_ know how difficult it is for me to _not_ charge from this room right now at this very moment and drag Petrice and Varnell from their beds and lock them up in the Gallows for what they did to you?" He pulled away just enough so he could gaze down into Minerva's eyes. "Every instinct within me is screaming for me to defend you…to right this wrong that was done to you, and yet I'm forced to remain silent and passive. It's…it's beyond the pale." Frustration was evident on his face.

Minerva pressed a lingering kiss to Cullen's lips. "You have no idea how much it warms my heart to hear you say that," she murmured softly against her Templar's lips as she shifted so she was sitting on his lap. She kissed him again before letting her head fall against his shoulder and resting a hand against his heart.

"I mean every word of it," Cullen murmured while nuzzling Minerva's hair and then brushing a soft kiss to her forehead. He wrapped one arm around her waist and held her securely against him while resting his free hand atop the one she had pressed against his heart—wondering if his mage could feel how it thundered within his chest. "Minerva?"

"Yes?"

Cullen's heart raced faster in his chest. "I…"

"Are you alright?" Minerva asked worriedly. "Your heart is racing."

"Yes, I'm fine," Cullen said hurriedly as he tried to calm the frantic pace of his heart. "I just…I need to tell you something."

"You can tell me anything," Minerva said with a soft smile as her heart gave an excited leap in expectation.

"I…" Cullen's arm tightened around Minerva. "I…can't even _begin_ to tell you how much these moments between us mean to me. I treasure every single one of them." Inwardly, he kicked himself. While he had meant everything he had just said, they had _not_ been the words he most _wanted_ to utter.

While Minerva's heart fluttered in delight at Cullen's words, she could not deny the slight feeling of disappointment. "I feel the same way," she admitted softly. "The memory of these moments keeps me warm until I can feel your arms around me again," she murmured while nuzzling Cullen's racing pulse. "_My_ knight…" she murmured before brushing a soft kiss to that pulse that was strong with Cullen's life force.

Cullen shivered in pleasure. "_My_ mage…" he murmured in reply with an underlying growl as his lips found Minerva's in a slow, searching kiss. "I will _never_ stop protecting you," he whispered against those soft lips before kissing them again. "So long as there is life in me, I will do _everything_ in my power to keep you safe."

Minerva shifted her position so she was straddling Cullen. She was not trying to arouse him, but rather she was trying to feel as physically close to him as she possibly could while she kissed him back. "Cullen…my knight…" she murmured against his lips. "You mean more to me than _any_ man in all of Thedas." She gently cradled his head as he rested it against the pillow of her breasts and simply reveled in the warmth of his skin.

Cullen's arms wrapped tightly around Minerva and pressed her against him, and he nuzzled her ample breasts reverently as he rested his head upon them. He could feel and hear her heartbeat, and the simple proof of his mage's life force filled Cullen with inexplicable joy. While he felt the warmth of Minerva's core radiating against his length through the fabric of their smallclothes, he found that whatever arousal he felt simply did not matter in the face of such heartfelt words; and instead of allowing his mouth to explore Minerva's breasts, he simply brushed a tender kiss to her heart. When he finally managed to raise his head from its exquisite pillow, he gazed deeply into Minerva's eyes. "Never has there been a woman in Thedas who could fill my heart with such bliss…and never will there be again."

And he meant it.


	13. Chapter 12

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys truly keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

* * *

_…The Bone Pit; Two weeks later…_

"Well, you certainly seem to be in better spirits, Hawke," Merrill said with a smile as she walked beside the taller woman along the path leading up to the ominous mouth of the cave.

Minerva blinked—her thoughts ripped from the mental image she had of a shirtless Cullen lounging in front of a fire with a book in his hand. "Hmm? Do I?"

"Aye," Merrill said with a nod of her head—her smile still in place. "Here we are…walking into what could be a very dangerous situation after having just fought our way through bandits, and you have a definite spring in your step. You're so light on your feet, you could almost be Dalish."

Minerva gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "Well, once I've investigated this little matter, I should finally have enough gold to invest in the Deep Roads expedition." She gave the elf a cheeky smile. "I suppose that would make _anyone_ light on their feet," she added with a giggle.

Isabella grinned knowingly. "I think it has _less_ to do with the shine and glow of gold and more to do with the glow covering your skin," she remarked with a soft chuckle.

Minerva's eyes widened just a little. "Isabella," she hissed softly.

"What? I'm not dropping any names," the pirate said with a look of innocence.

"Glow?" Merrill questioned.

"Yes, Kitten," Isabella said with a fond roll of her eyes. "It's what women do when they've been sated," she added with a giggle.

"Isabella…!" Minerva's face turned the same color of red as her hair.

"What?" Isabella asked innocently. "We're all girls here…well…Lady Man-Hands might be an exception."

Aveline narrowed her eyes. "Be quite, whore," she grumbled under her breath before looking to Minerva. "Hawke…far be it from me to poke around in your personal business like a certain sea hag, but for what it's worth, I'm glad you and Anders worked things out," she said with a smile.

"We didn't," Minerva answered simply as Isabella made a noise of indignation at Aveline's comment.

"I'm _not_ a sea hag," Isabella muttered under her breath.

"Of course you're not," Merrill said airily. "You don't have magical powers…or _do_ you?" she asked while blinking her large, sage eyes.

Isabella grinned. "_Some_ would say that I do."

Merrill blinked and tilted her head to the side. "What do you mean by—"

"Isabella, don't you _dare_ answer that," Minerva said hurriedly.

"So…you and Anders didn't work things out," Aveline mused before blinking. "That means you've found someone else?" She gave Minerva a small smile. "It's good that you've moved on, Hawke. Moping didn't suit you."

"So long as it gets you to stop fantasizing about that Templar, so much the better," Merrill said with a smile before walking into Minerva who halted in her steps with a groan.

"Merrill…"

Aveline halted and looked to Minerva while blinking. "You've been fantasizing about a Templar?"

"Hang on…you told _her_ before you told _me_?"Isabella asked incredulously.

"I didn't _tell_ her, she just sort of _guessed_," Minerva replied.

"Never mind _that_…you told Isabella and not _me_?" Aveline asked—her eyes actually conveying a little hurt. "But I've known you longer…we escaped the Blight together."

Minerva groaned softly. "Aveline…I didn't want to tell _anyone_. I was simply hoping that if I lived in denial for long enough that the fantasies would simply stop."

"What does it matter now in any case?" Merrill asked. "No doubt she's given up on that now that she has an actual man," she said with a smile—completely oblivious to the growing shade of pink that colored Minerva's cheeks.

"Kitten…I think you'd better stop talking," Isabella suggested after clearing her throat.

But Aveline was not so easily swayed. "Hawke?" Her eyes searched the mage's face.

Minerva found that she could not hide from her friend's penetrating stare. "Oh, don't you dare judge me…you were _married_ to one."

Aveline's eyes widened just a little at Minerva's admission—truly not expecting her friend to come forward with it in the first place. "Yes, I _was_…but I am not now nor have I _ever_ been a mage. Hawke…Minerva, _what_ are you thinking? Have you gone mad?"

Merrill's already large eyes widened. "Hawke…is it _really_ true? Are you sure this is wise? Fantasies are _one _thing…they're harmless, but _this_? This is something else entirely. Think of what could happen. Think of what he could do to you should he get the inclination."

Minerva sighed heavily and started for the mouth of the cave once more. "I've already had this conversation with Isabella. The bottom line is that I trust him, and I know that he'd never hurt me, so could we _please_ just drop the subject and focus on the task at hand?"

"Exactly," Isabella said with a nod and a grin. "Hawke needs all her focus so she can get back to the city in one piece so she can have a sordid rendezvous with her knight." She giggled.

Minerva rubbed her forehead. "There's nothing sordid about it, Isabella…save for us never knowing just _how_ clean your sheets are." She paused and peeked into the cave.

"Are you saying that I'm dirty?" Isabella asked indignantly.

"As if you wouldn't know the answer to _that_, whore?" Aveline asked dryly.

"I meant in the _physical_ sense, you shriveled up prude," Isabella retorted.

"There's _another_ sense?" Merrill asked innocently.

Aveline narrowed her eyes. "Just because _I_ don't go spreading my legs for every man and woman who comes my way does _not_ mean I'm a prude," she growled—completely ignoring Merrill's question.

"Too bad," Isabella drawled with a roll of her eyes. "A good tumble seems like _just_ the thing you need to get you to bloody loosen up."

"Why you—"

Minerva whirled around and placed her hands upon her hips as she regarded her two friends with narrowed eyes. "Enough! In case the two of you have forgotten, there are slightly more pressing matters at hand here. Don't forget _why _we're here." She looked to Isabella. "_You_ are not dirty…but I can't vouch for the company you keep on the nights when you have your room to yourself."

Isabella sighed. "Fair enough…some of them _do_ smell a little more ripe than I would like…"

Minerva looked to Merrill. "And yes, there _is_ another sense…a more metaphorical one that is along the lines of what you ask whenever you ask us if you've missed something dirty."

Realization dawned upon Merrill's face. "Oh, I see…sort of." She pouted thoughtfully. "Are _all_ humans this confusing?"

"Just every single one of them," Minerva replied dryly.

"Why in the Maker's name are you even using Isabella's room to begin with, Hawke?" Aveline asked.

"Because it's the only way my Templar and I can see each other without being discovered," Minerva replied. "We can't go to the Rose…we'd attract _far _too much attention. _I_ can't rent a room in the Hanged Man because people _know_ me in Lowtown…we'd attract even _more_ attention than we would at the Rose."

"So I stepped in and offered my room so Hawke and her Templar can have a safe place to tumble and knock boots," Isabella said with a grin. "Because that's what friends do." She nudged Minerva. "So? How is he?"

Minerva blinked. "How is he…_what_?"

"Oh, don't play coy with me," Isabella said with a roll of her eyes. "Come on…all that power in those shoulders and arms _has _to be good for something." She waggled her eyebrows. "Reckon he could climb on top of you for a good while before getting tired."

Minerva blushed deeply from her neck to the tip of her ears. "I wouldn't know," she said before hurriedly turning and rushing into the cave.

"_What_?!" Isabella asked incredulously as she hurried after the escaping mage. "Are you telling me that the two of you _still_ haven't done the beast with two backs?"

Before Minerva could respond, they were attacked by dragonlings, and the focus was blessedly shifted away from her as the four women fought for their lives amidst the snapping jaws. When the battle finally ended, Minerva frowned at the sight of a visible tear in her robes—yet another she would need to stitch up.

"Oh, bugger…it never ends," she grumbled before heaving a heavy sigh.

"Sort of like your virginity?" Isabella asked dryly as she sauntered up to Minerva with her arms crossed under her almost ridiculously ample bosom—more blood spattered across her skin and clothing.

"I would _hardly_ think that is any of your concern, _whore_," Aveline said with narrowed eyes as she sheathed her blade.

Isabella rolled her eyes before glaring at Aveline. "It is when I've given them the use of _my_ room. For Maker's sake, Minerva…with the way the two of you were pawing at each other in the alley, I thought you would've let him deflower you by now."

"We're taking it slow," Minerva said simply as she began walking.

"_Clearly_," Isabella replied dryly.

Aveline opened her mouth to speak, but Minerva beat her to it.

"Why does it matter to you _what_ he and I do when we're together?" Minerva asked curiously as she halted in her steps and turned to face the pirate once more. "I thought you were _for_ the idea of my being certain of the man I give myself to for the first time."

"That was _before_ I found out that the man you were lusting after has the power to imprison you for the rest of your life," Isabella answered. "Now, I just want you to get it over with and out of your system so you can move onto someone less dangerous."

Aveline sighed and crossed her arms over her armored chest. "Hawke…far be it from me to agree with Isabella on _anything_, but in this instance she's right."

Minerva, Merrill and Isabella all looked to Aveline with genuinely dumbfounded expressions.

"I'm sorry…I didn't quite catch that," Isabella said with a cheeky smirk while cupping a hand around the ear closest to Aveline. "Could you repeat it, please?"

Aveline gave Isabella a sidelong glare. "No chance of _that_ happening," she said before looking to Minerva. "Hawke…you and I have experienced many hardships and tragedy together. I've always had your back, just as you've always had mine. You _always _try to do the right thing…even when it would be easier _not _to. I have nothing but the highest respect for you, and I consider you a _true_ friend…which is why I must beg you to reconsider what it is you're doing."

"She's right, you know," Merrill said softly. "You should forget about him and move onto someone more suitable for you."

Minerva was silent for several moments as she slowly looked back and forth between the three faces. "I can't," she admitted softly at last. "I don't expect the three of you to understand…how can you when _I_ don't even fully understand it? But, there's a connection between him and I that runs deeper than whatever physical things we do or _don't_ do." She sighed and hung her head a little at the blank expressions on the faces of her three friends. "I knew you wouldn't understand. Could we please just move on and find the miners? Who knows how many more of those dragonlings are lurking about…" She began walking up a set of old, creaky, wooden steps.

"You sound like you're in love with him," Merrill said softly.

Minerva stopped with her foot on a step and turned her head just enough so her friends could barely glimpse over her shoulder the small smile playing upon her lips. "Perhaps I am," she replied softly—her heart fluttering wildly at the admission.

* * *

_…Anders' Clinic; later…_

"It feels like ages since we last talked…"Anders mused as his hand hovered over Minerva's forearm—a soft, blue glow radiating from his palm as he healed the nasty burn. "Did you really fight a dragon?"

Minerva nodded. "First dragon I've ever fought…thankfully, it wasn't a high dragon."

"I doubt you would be here if it had been…high dragons are a nasty sort," Anders replied softly as he took in the tattered and scorched appearance of Minerva's clothing. "I would've been very distraught if that were the case." The glow vanished once the burnt flesh was back to looking healthy and normal, and Anders gently rested his hand upon Minerva's forearm. "Please be more careful," he entreated softly while gazing into Minerva's eyes.

Minerva chuckled softly and gave Anders a wry grin. "You should know better by now than to ask me _that_." She sighed softly. "Danger and trouble always find me in spite of my best efforts to go unnoticed."

Anders smiled sadly. "That _does_ seem to be the case, doesn't it?"

"And with my leaving for the Deep Roads expedition tomorrow, that reality only seems to become even more set in stone," Minerva added.

"Ah, yes…the expedition," Ander's mused. "So it's officially happening?"

Minerva nodded. "We leave tomorrow morning. You should've seen the look on Bartrand's face when Varric and I handed him all those sovereigns." She chuckled softly. "I thought that dwarf was going to piss himself. He ran off immediately to make all the necessary purchases and arrangements so we could leave tomorrow. Now that the expedition is funded, he doesn't want to waste any time in getting underway."

"Must you _really_ go?" Anders asked softly.

"I have to," Minerva answered simply before lightly placing a hand over the one Anders still had resting atop her forearm. "And I'd very much like for you to come with me," she added softly.

Anders was silent for a few moments. "We haven't spent all that much time together since the day I healed your leg. In fact…other than seeing you in passing, I haven't seen you at all until today. I didn't think you'd want me to come along considering how we left things…" Anders said softly as hurt glimmered in his eyes.

Minerva smiled sadly. "The way we left things…it was _my _fault."

"Minerva, no…"

"_Yes, _it was," Minerva interjected gently. "You told me time and time again that nothing could ever happen between us, and I didn't listen."

"I didn't give you much reason to listen," Anders said softly. "For all my trying to keep you at arm's length, I kept…I kept hinting that I wanted more." He tentatively rested his other hand over Minerva's and kept his gaze locked upon hers—inwardly hoping that she would pick up on his signals and try to kiss him again. While Anders could not summon up the courage to kiss Minerva, he knew that he would not fight her this time if she pressed those perfect lips to his again.

Minerva smiled softly. "Oh, Anders…sweet, gentle Anders. All of your hinting aside, you still told me 'no', and I refused to accept that answer. I was the one who caused this rift between us." She gently cupped Anders' cheek with her free hand. "I've missed you…I've missed my friend."

Friend…

Anders sighed softly and hoped his shoulders did not sag too much. "I missed you too," he admitted softly while leaning into Minerva's hand. _Your smile, the sound of your voice, your scent…I've missed everything about you, my beloved. Please…please, if you still care for me even just a little, please tell me. Please tell me that I'm not too late._

"So…_will _you come with me?" Minerva asked softly. "I know it's a lot to ask because it's such a dangerous journey, but… you're the best healer I know, and I know that I would feel a lot safer knowing that I had you at my back, my friend." She offered her fellow apostate a cheeky smile. "Besides…what better way to ensure that I remain out of harm's way then if _you're_ the one doing the ensuring?"

It took all of Anders' effort _not_ to press a kiss to Minerva's palm. "I will go with you," he murmured fervently. "I _will_ keep you safe."

Minerva smiled and leaned in before brushing a chaste kiss to Anders' cheek. "I feel safer already," she replied before standing. "Varric and I will come get you tomorrow morning, and we'll head into Hightown together."

"I'll be ready," Anders said simply with a soft smile—resisting the urge to touch the part of his cheek where Minerva had kissed.

"Until tomorrow then," Minerva said with a smile. "And thank you for healing my burns," she said before turning and striding for the door.

_'Why do you insist on torturing yourself?'_

Anders narrowed his eyes as Justice's voice wafted through his mind. "Be quiet."

_'Pursuing her will only result in disaster.'_

"So you keep saying, but what if you're wrong?" Anders asked.

_'She will get in the way of our mission. She will distract you.'_

"Our mission…" Anders muttered under his breath as he watched Minerva finally vanish from his sight as she walked out the door. "I would gladly forgo our mission for just hearing her say that she loves me just _once_."

_'You are a fool.'_

Anders smiled softly. "Perhaps I am…but for _her_, I would gladly be a fool and more."

_'She will never be yours.'_

"We'll see about that."

* * *

_…Isabella's room; later…_

"A _dragon_?!" Cullen's face was a mask of horror, and his gaze which had moments ago been admiring the lack of clothing upon Minerva's form were now frantically searching her body for injury.

"Cullen, Cullen, I'm fine," Minerva said with a smile as she gently batted away her lover's hands before sliding her hands up his arms and linking them behind Cullen's neck. "I'm whole, see?"

"That's _not_ the point," Cullen replied in agitation before wrapping his arms tightly around Minerva and holding her close as he pulled her onto his lap. "You could've _died_."

"But I _didn't_," Minerva said simply. "I'm right here with you."

"By some miracle of the Maker," Cullen replied as he cradled his lover against him. "_What_ would possess you to fight a dragon?"

"The lives of others," Minerva replied softly. "I had to ensure the remaining workers got to safety…not to mention ensure the city remained safe. I couldn't very well leave the dragon to its own devices, now could I?"

"You could have come back to the city for reinforcements," Cullen pointed out.

"There wasn't time for that," Minerva answered gently while brushing soft kisses to Cullen's lips and cheeks in attempts to placate him.

Cullen's lips captured Minerva's in a long, heated kiss. "For Maker's sake…" Another kiss. "_Please_ be more careful and stop taking so many risks." Another deep kiss as he slid his fingers up into Minerva's hair and tangled his strong fingers into her crimson tresses.

Minerva lightly rubbed her nose against Cullen's once the kiss ended, and then rested her forehead against his. "Cullen…_life_ is a risk," she murmured. "What we're doing right _now_ is a risk."

"Yes, but _this_ is different," Cullen replied. "In these moments that we share, I'm able to protect you. I _know_ that you're safe."

Minerva's heart fluttered and she smiled softly while moving her hands to cup Cullen's face as she gazed into his warm eyes. "You can't protect me from everything," she murmured. "You can't hold my hand during the entire Deep Roads expedition."

"Please don't go," Cullen entreated Minerva softly.

"I _have_ to," Minerva answered in a soft but firm voice. "It's the only way I can help my family. I promised my father on his deathbed that I would take care of them. I've already failed him once…I couldn't protect Bethany, but I will _not_ fail my father again."

"But so many things could go wrong," Cullen said softly. "You could die, Minerva…you could _die_ and I would have no way of knowing what happened to you…or even be able to lay your body to rest."

"Cullen…"

"Minerva, I love you," Cullen said suddenly.

Minerva blinked before her eyes widened—her breath catching in her throat. "You…you _love_ me?"

"I _do_," Cullen replied with a small nod. "Maker knows I have tried to fight it, for it goes against logic and everything the Order dictates…but I can't fight it any longer." He kissed Minerva tenderly. "I love you, Minerva…I _love _you. Everything about you…the light in your eyes, the way your hair catches the sunlight, the sound of your voice, your smile, the goodness of your heart…I love it _all,_ and the idea of you venturing down into the Deep Roads makes me physically sick with worry, and...and…Minerva, are you crying?" His eyes widened with concern. "What is it?"

Minerva was positively glowing, and her smile was one of pure bliss as she wrapped her arms around Cullen's neck and kissed him. "Yes," she murmured against her lover's lips. "Yes, I'm crying because I am _so_ very, _very_ happy." She kissed him again and shifted so she was straddling him. "I love you _so_ much, Cullen. I count the days until I'm able to see you again…just so I can be near you and feel your heartbeat…" She kissed him slowly and slid one hand down to rest upon his heart. "…and simply revel in the fact that you're alive and holding me."

Cullen's heart fluttered as he smiled. "Really?" he asked before tenderly kissing away the tears that had rolled down Minerva's cheeks.

"Yes," Minerva murmured with a smile. "The warmth of your eyes, the sound of your voice, your smile…they make my heart feel as though it will burst." She kissed him again, and then her expression became shy as a soft blush rose into her cheeks. "And then there's the matter of my dreams…"

"What dreams?" Cullen asked while lightly brushing his thumb over a pink cheek.

"Dreams of a very…_intimate_ nature," Minerva answered with a deepening blush. "Dreams involving _you_…"

It was Cullen's turn to blush, and while his smile was bashful, his warm, hazel eyes twinkled in merriment. "You're not the only one with such dreams, my beloved," he murmured. "Not a night passes in which I don't spend the time entangling my body with yours." He slowly slid his hand down from Minerva's face and lightly traced his fingers along her collar bone as he gazed deeply into her eyes. "I have made you mine _so_ many times…" He felt himself growing hard.

The familiar ache formed deeply within Minerva's womb, and she shivered as she felt Cullen's manhood harden and press against her core through their smallclothes. "Tell me about them…" she whispered with an underlying whimper as she leaned in and lightly nibbled Cullen's earlobe.

Cullen shuddered and growled low in his throat. His hands moved down to rest upon Minerva's hips as his tongue took over for his fingers in tracing over her collar bone before slowly trailing down the valley between her ample breasts. "There is one that is a particular favorite of mine," he murmured while nuzzling and kissing his beloved's breasts before standing and lifting Minerva into his arms and then turning and laying her upon the bed before lying atop her. "One might call it blasphemous…"

"Tell me," Minerva whimpered as her legs automatically wrapped around Cullen's waist as he began to slowly rock against her.

"The two of us are making love upon the floor of the Chantry here in Kirkwall…at the feet of the statue of Andraste," Cullen groaned out in building pleasure as he slid his hands under Minerva's back and unclasped the bindings over her breasts before tossing the piece of fabric aside—allowing him to gaze fully upon his lover's perfect breasts for the first time. He nuzzled them both before slowly swirling his tongue around Minerva's left nipple. "It is dark, save for the warm glow of all the candles that caress and illuminate your skin." He gently suckled the nipple for a few moments before moving onto the right one and subjecting it to the same delicious torture as he spoke—male pride swelling within him with every pleasured gasp that escaped his beloved. "The sounds of your pleasure always echo _so_ beautifully against the stone, and when we both climax, an almost ethereal light shines down upon us through the window behind the statue…as though the Maker Himself were consecrating our union." The feel of Minerva stiffening in his arms caused Cullen to pause as he raised his head in order to look down at her questioningly. "What is it?"

Minerva was silent for several moments before slowly licking her lips—her eyes wide. "I've had that exact same dream," she whispered. "Not a similar version of it…the _exact_ same one…down to the smallest detail."

Cullen blinked then softly cleared his throat. "Tell me one of _yours_," he said huskily.

"We're walking along the Wounded Coast…hand in hand in the broad daylight…completely naked without a care in the world," Minerva began. "The sand is so warm between our toes, and the water so refreshing as it washes upon the shore and around our ankles, but we come to a halt and simply stand in each other's embrace and watch the sun as it begins to slowly set…"

"I drop to my knees and wrap my arms around your waist before nuzzling and kissing your belly…" Cullen's voice was soft as he gazed deeply into Minerva's eyes. "…and I tell you how I long for your belly to grow round with my child."

Minerva slowly nodded. "Yes," she whispered—her eyes wide as Cullen spoke verbatim the words that he had only ever spoken in her dreams. "And then we make love on the sand."

"And then we make love on the sand," Cullen repeated softly as disbelief etched deeply into his handsome face. "Minerva…_how_ is it possible for us to have the _exact_ same dreams?" he asked while slowly climbing off of his beloved and settling himself on his side beside her.

Minerva was silent for several moments. Then, she slowly rolled over onto her side so she was facing Cullen. "My love…what exactly do you know about the Fade?"

"I know that it's where demons dwell," Cullen answered.

"Not just demons, but spirits as well," Minerva clarified. "But that's not the point I'm trying to make. The point _is_ that when we sleep, our souls go into the Fade." She gazed into Cullen's eyes and her fingers slowly traced over his cheeks. "What I'm saying is…perhaps our souls found each other in the Fade, my love. Perhaps they found each other…" She blushed softly. "…and mated."

Cullen was silent for a moment. "It would explain why we've been so inexplicably drawn to each other since we first met," he mused softly. "But…_why_ would our souls find each other? How would it even happen?"

Minerva lightly bit her bottom lip and averted her eyes.

"What?" Cullen asked softly. "If you know something, please tell me."

"First of all, I would like to point out that I had _nothing_ to do with it," Minerva said softly.

"I never thought that for a moment," Cullen said firmly as he raised a hand and gently cupped Minerva's cheek. "If I've learned _anything_ from my time with you, it's that you would _never_ use your powers for evil."

Minerva smiled and turned her head just enough to press a tender kiss into Cullen's palm. "You have no idea how much that means to me, but…at the risk of sounding like a Maleficarum, perhaps a spirit guided our souls to each other."

Cullen sighed and gave a small shake of his head. "Minerva…"

"Cullen, there's a difference between spirits and demons," Minerva said hurriedly. "Demons embody the emotions that lead to corruption…pride, greed, sloth, but _spirits_ embody the goodness that thrives in the world…justice, mercy…_love_." She smiled softly. "Perhaps a spirit of love could see that our souls were a match…"

Cullen was silent for a few moments before sighing softly. "There is already so much at work here that I don't understand…but perhaps love isn't something one has to understand."

Minerva smiled softly and lightly kissed Cullen's lips. "It _isn't_…if it were, it would be ruled by our minds instead of our hearts…and _we_ wouldn't be here together as we are right now."

Cullen wrapped his arms around Minerva and tangled his legs with hers as he captured her lips in a lingering kiss. "There is nowhere I would rather be right now…or anyone else I would rather be with," he murmured before slowly rolling the two of them so Minerva was pinned beneath him. "I love you, Minerva. I don't care that our love doesn't make any sort of sense. _All_ I care about is that I love you…and that _you_ love _me_."

Minerva cupped Cullen's face in her hands. "My soul recognizes yours as its true mate, my love," she murmured before leaning up and kissing her beloved's lips. "That means that I truly _only_ belong to _you_." She kissed him again. "I love you, Cullen…and I will love you until my dying day."

Cullen smiled and lightly rubbed is nose against Minerva's. "Then that's all that matters," he murmured before kissing her.

Minerva sighed in the purest contentment as she slid her arms around Cullen's neck and kissed him back. "Make love to me, Cullen," she whispered fervently against his lips as she wrapped her legs around his waist. "My heart and soul already belong to you…make my body yours as well."

Cullen actually had to close his eyes with the effort to resist Minerva's request—his body desperate to answer his lover's call. "No."

Minerva blinked. "What? But why not?" she asked in confusion.

Cullen smiled softly. "Because I want to _ensure_ that you come back to me from your expedition. Consider my refusal as your motivation to return to me _alive_, because when you _do _return, I plan to make you mine over…and over again."

"But what if I _don't_ come back?" Minerva asked softly before lightly biting her bottom lip.

Cullen sighed softly. "Then I will spend the rest of my life mourning your loss as a hollow shell of the man I once was."

"Then I _will_ return," Minerva said firmly before sealing her promise with a kiss. "Will you at least hold me until we have to part ways for the night?"

"Happily," Cullen answered while shifting off of Minerva and lying on his back only to have his beloved turn onto her side and nestle into him moments later. He wrapped his arms around her and held her protectively against him—as though preemptively warding off any harm that would befall his beloved during the course of her journey. "I will miss you _so_ much while you're gone," he said while nuzzling her hair.

"I'll miss you too," Minerva replied before she smiled impishly. "Though, so long as we have our dreams…we'll never _truly_ be apart, my beloved."

Though a soft blush arose in Cullen's cheeks, his lips nevertheless curled up into an impish smile of his own. "How very true…"


	14. Chapter 13

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys truly keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2 or the diologue in the beginning of the chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

* * *

_…The Next Morning…_

"It'll take a week for us to get to the depth we need," Bartrand said as he paced back and forth before the expedition group like a caged animal. "There are bound to be leftover darkspawn from the Blight. Big risks…big rewards."

"Risks? _Rewards_? What could be better?" Minerva asked with a small grin.

"Exactly!" Bartrand exclaimed with an excited clap of his hands. "Now…wait! Who invited the old woman?"

Both Minerva and Carver looked to the right to see their mother standing on the edge of the crowd.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, ser dwarf," Leandra said firmly. "But I _must_ speak to my children."

Minerva and Carver exchanged a quick glance before leaving the group and striding over to their mother together.

"Mother, _no_," Carver said. "We talked about how important this is."

"I just want to know one thing," Leandra began as she looked Minerva squarely in the face. "Are you planning on taking Carver with you?"

"I haven't decided yet," Minerva answered truthfully. The fact of the matter was, she had been on the fence about the decision since she and Varric handed the gold over to Bartrand the previous day. After leaving Anders' clinic yesterday, she had paid Fenris a visit and asked him to come along, but all the while she had been convincing the elf to fulfill his promise to her and come along on the expedition, she had not been able to make a decision about her brother. Even now, she was inclined to let _Carver_ make the choice so he could not accuse her of keeping him in her shadow.

"I'm going," Carver said firmly. "It'll be fine."

"It's _not_ fine," Leandra replied as she turned her gaze to Carver. "You can't _both_ go. What if something were to happen to you?" She looked to Minerva. "_You_, I understand wanting to do this…but leave your brother here, I beg you."

Minerva blinked. _She has no trouble with the thought of **me** going, but the thought of Carver leaving sends her into a panic?_ She clenched her jaw just a little. Whether her mother had intended them to or not, her words had _still_ hurt.

"I said I'm going," Carver repeated firmly. "Besides…if we're so bloody afraid of Templars, _I_ should go and _she_ should hide."

"Well you're not going to be able to take everyone anyhow," Bartrand interjected from where he stood. "You need to decide."

Minerva sighed heavily and braced herself for what she knew was coming, because she knew no matter _what_ decision she made that _someone_ was going to be furious with her. "Very well, mother…" she said after a few moments. "You win. Carver stays here."

"Oh, thank the Maker," Leandra breathed in relief.

"_What_?" Carver asked incredulously. "Now you're just being daft! You need me down there."

"We can't _both_ go into the Deep Roads," Minerva said tiredly—knowing that no matter what she said, Carver would still find a way to blame her for being left behind. "It's too dangerous."

"So I get left behind to mind the chickens?!" Carver demanded. "I see how it is," he added snippily.

"Carver, your sister is only doing what she thinks is best," Leandra placated as she looked to her son.

"I know," Carver said while looking to his mother. "I guess I'll have to do the same thing," he added cryptically before turning on his heel and storming off.

Leandra simply gave Minerva a small nod before turning and hurrying after her fuming son—leaving the crimson-haired apostate standing alone and staring after her family.

_Not even a hug or a wish for good luck._ Minerva hung her head just a little. _Why am I even bothering with all of this?_

* * *

Hidden amongst the crowd, Cullen watched as Minerva strode out of Hightown with the expedition party, and with every step his beloved took away from him, Cullen felt his heart slow until it actually stopped for a second the moment Minerva was out of sight. It had taken all of Cullen's self control _not_ to run after Minerva and give her a final hug and kiss before she left him for however long the expedition took, not simply for the reason that Cullen did not know when he would see her again, but because he knew Minerva was in need of comfort.

Though his beloved had walked away with her head held high and her jaw set firmly, Cullen could tell by the small stoop in her shoulders that she was troubled—no doubt because of her brother and the argument they had had before she left with the expedition party. The Templar did not have to hear what was said to know that the last words Carver had spoken to his sister had been words of anger, and Cullen wanted to throttle him for it. The thought of his beloved venturing willingly into danger made the Templar's heart feel as though it were being squeezed in a vice, and he would have given _anything_ to have been able to tell Minerva that he loved her one last time before she vanished into the dangerous underground world. Cullen could not understand _how_ his beloved apostate's own _brother_ could be so callous and petty in the face of possibly _never_ seeing his sister again.

Had Carver not already lost _one_ sister? Did he not care if he lost the only remaining sibling he had left?

Was sibling rivalry _truly_ worth that? Was it worth the possible lifetime of regret for never being able to take back the words that were said?

Giving a small shake of his head, Cullen stayed rooted to his spot for several moments longer in the vain hope that Minerva would change her mind and suddenly come running back into the city where _he_ could personally ensure her safety.

But she did not.

Minerva was now out of his reach—set to face countless dangers without him.

Hanging his head with a heavy sigh, Cullen turned on his heel and slowly made his way towards the stairs that would take him on the most direct route to the docks so he could catch the ferry back to the Gallows and start his shift—his heart as heavy as his footsteps, and his stomach sick with worry. _Be safe, my beloved…be safe and come back to me like you promised._

* * *

_…Outside Kirkwall; late afternoon…_

"Are you alright?" Anders asked softly as he walked beside Minerva.

"Why do you ask?" Minerva asked absently.

"Because we're on a dangerous journey for a part of the Deep Roads that's been untouched for Maker knows how long, and you're the _only_ one not talking about the treasure we hope to find…or the darkspawn we hope to avoid," Anders replied while watching Minerva out of the corner of his eye. "Even _I_ can't help but be curious as just _what _we'll see, and I _hate_ the blighted Deep Roads."

"Go there often, do you?" Minerva asked absently.

"One of the many perks about being a Warden," Anders said with a cheeky smile. "The threat of darkspawn aside though, you _have_ to admire the craftsmanship of the dwarves and the way they can shape and carve stone to their will. They built entire cities within the stone inside the mountains…actually working _with _the stone instead of against it…"

Minerva did not answer, but simply sighed softly before coming to a halt and watching curiously as Bartrand argued with a dwarven hireling before sending him off to investigate ahead.

"It's about Carver, isn't it?" Anders asked gently as he came to stand beside her—their shoulders lightly touching.

Minerva hung her head a little. "Do you have siblings?" she asked softly.

"No…not to my knowledge in any case," Anders answered. "I haven't seen my family since the Templars took me to the Circle when I was a boy. If my parents had any other children, I have no way of knowing."

Minerva sighed. "I don't maintain any illusions that Carver and I will ever be the best of friends, but is it too much to ask for just a _little_ respect?"

"Not at all," Anders replied with a small shake of his head while gently tucking a strand of hair behind Minerva's ear. He liked that they were able to talk like this. He and Minerva could always talk. Even when they had only just met, there had always been a closeness between the two of them as a result of them being such kindred spirits, and he hoped he could use that closeness during the expedition to gradually re-approach the subject of _them_. "May I ask why you didn't bring him along?"

"Because this is a dangerous journey," Minerva answered simply. "What if we both died? We'd leave our mother childless…or worse, what if _I_ survived and _Carver_ died? That would be another sibling I couldn't protect," she said softly. "_Another_ sibling's death to be carried around for eternity upon my conscience…_another_ sibling for my mother to mourn and blame me for losing," she added softly while averting her eyes.

"Surely your mother doesn't blame you for what happened to your sister," Anders ventured softly.

"She does," Minerva answered softly. "She might not actually say it aloud, but I can see it in her eyes when she looks at me."

Anders tentatively slid an arm around Minerva's shoulders. "I wasn't there, Minerva…but I like to think that I _know_ you…that I've come to know you and your character well. As such, I would willingly stake my life on saying that you were _not_ at fault for what happened to your sister."

"You couldn't possibly know that," Minerva said.

"Yes, I _do_," Anders said emphatically as his hand gently but firmly squeezed Minerva's shoulder.

"I could've been faster…pushed Bethany out of the way…" Minerva said softly.

"And let the Ogre take _you_ instead," Anders supplied.

Minerva remained silent and simply averted her eyes.

Anders turned Minerva so she was facing him and gripped her shoulders as he gazed deeply into her eyes. "Minerva?"

"Mother would've been happier, no doubt…" Minerva answered softly.

Anders' grip tightened upon Minerva's shoulders, and he ignored the questioning looks he was getting from the rest of the party. "You listen to me right _now_. There was _nothing_ you could've done. As extraordinary a human though you might be, you're still just a _human_. You can't be in two places at once…you're neither a demon nor a spirit, so I don't want to hear you blaming yourself _anymore_ for something that was completely beyond your control."

"Anders…you're hurting me," Minerva said softly as she looked up into her fellow apostate's face with wide eyes.

"Let her go, mage," Fenris growled while roughly yanking one of Anders' hands away.

Anders narrowed his eyes. "This was a private conversation," he said firmly.

"_Hardly_," Fenris replied evenly.

"Fenris, it's alright," Minerva said softly while offering the elf a small smile.

"He was hurting you," Fenris said simply while turning his large eyes towards Minerva. "You said so yourself."

"You're protecting mages now?" Anders asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm protecting _Hawke_," Fenris replied matter-of-factly. "The fact that she happens to be a mage is circumstantial, but the fact that I owe her a debt for helping me is _not_." He turned his gaze towards Anders and slightly narrowed his sage eyes. "I promised to join her on this expedition and help in any way possible…even if that means protecting her from unwanted attention."

Anders clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes while opening his mouth with the intent of telling Fenris to mind his own business and to otherwise piss off, but the clearing of a throat gave him pause, and he looked down to find that Varric had joined them.

"Problem?" the dwarf asked with an amiable smile though his hazel eyes were tinged with worry as he looked back and forth between Anders and Fenris before looking to Minerva. "Hawke? Everything alright?"

"Yes, Varric," Minerva answered with a small smile before looking pointedly back and forth between Varric and Fenris. "Everything is fine."

Fenris gave a small nod before turning and striding over to a large, nearby rock and sitting upon it. He continued watching the pair of mages out of the corner of his eye—ready to intervene again should it appear Minerva needed the help. Varric for his part, looked back and forth between Minerva and Anders for a few moments before giving a small nod and making his way over to Fenris—casually standing beside him and starting up a conversation.

Once again alone, Anders looked to Minerva's other shoulder that he was still gripping, and he slowly released it. "I'm sorry," he said softly while hanging his head a little in contrition. "I'm sorry that I hurt you…that wasn't my intent."

"I know," Minerva said softly.

"I just…" Anders slowly raised his gaze back up so he was looking deeply into Minerva's emerald pools. "I just care for you so much," he said in a soft but earnest voice. "You've become so very important to me…to _all_ your friends…but to _me _especially, and it utterly tears me up inside when _you_ can't seem to see your own value and how you."

"I'd hardly call myself important," Minerva said softly.

"But you _are_," Anders said firmly. "Sweet Minerva…did you not see just now how readily Fenris and Varric came to your defense even though you were in no danger from me?" He sighed softly and lightly brushed the backs of his knuckles over Minerva's cheek before gently cupping her face. "Whether you see it or not…you matter to people."

Minerva smiled softly and placed her hands upon Anders' wrists. "You always know just what to say," she murmured while giving Anders' wrists a kind squeeze before gently moving his hands away from her face. "Thank you, my dearest friend."

Friend…

The word was like a dagger to Anders' heart. Though he knew that he had only himself to blame, he could not help but hope that the coming weeks would help him in his cause to get Minerva to once again see him in the light in which she once saw him. "There's no need to thank me, Minerva," he said softly. "I would do _anything_ for you." He reluctantly allowed the lovely apostate to release his hands. "You need only ask."


	15. Chapter 14

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys truly keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters pertaining to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

* * *

_…Deep Roads; One week later…_

"Look over there," Varric said while coming to a halt at the top of a set of wooden stairs that led down into a pit. "Across over there…I see a door. Maybe Sandal hid in there to get away from the darkspwan."

"Sound reasoning since we have yet to find him…dead _or_ alive," Fenris said simply as he followed Varric when he started down the stairs with Anders falling into step behind _him_.

A sound caused Minerva to look up at the ceiling, and her jaw dropped as she was seized with a paralyzing fear. "Merciful Maker…" she squeaked out at the sight of the truly massive spider that lowered itself from somewhere high above them and joined what Minerva assumed could _only_ be its spawn as they dropped down. She stopped dead in her tracks as she stood upon the bottom step of the staircase and her eyes nearly doubled in size. Screaming in unbridled terror, she turned on her heel and ran back up the stairs while grabbing Anders by his belt and pulling him up after her. "VARRIC! FENRIS! RUN!"

Varric turned in the direction of Minerva's scream, and took a step back as the color visibly drained from his face. "Oh, shit!" He hurriedly drew Bianca.

At the top of the stairs with Minerva, Anders' eyes widened as he was finally able to take in the sight of the gargantuan arachnid. "Sweet blood of Andraste…!" Pulling his staff from his back, he instinctively stepped in front of Minerva to protect her from the threat.

Eyes narrowed, Fenris set his jaw and tightly gripped his large broadsword as his entire body glowed with the marks of his lyrium. "Varric, take out the smaller ones! Hawke, hit the big one with everything you've got! Anders, keep me healed!" With nothing left to say, the Tervinter elf charged forward with a wordless battle cry.

Minerva squeezed her eyes tightly shut and channeled all her terror into her spell. "Kill it! Kill it with fire!" she screamed as she summoned a maelstrom of flames to rain down upon the monstrous spider and its offspring. _Blessed Maker, please let me survive this! Please let me get back to Cullen alive!_

* * *

_…Cullen's Quarters…_

Cullen gasped and his eyes widened as he dropped to his knees with a choked cry before backing into the nearest corner and screaming as he held his head while ignoring the frantic knocking at his door that came within moments. Dressed in his tunic and leggings, he had been about to don his armor when he suddenly came under the assault of an overwhelming surge of unbridled terror. His heart raced frantically, and he could almost hear it thundering as his blood rushed under the massive influence of adrenaline. "M…Maker preserve me…!"

He could scarcely draw a breath—the mindless terror slamming into him like a mace to the gut as his lungs seemed to seize up. Normally, Cullen was calm and collected in the face of danger. Not even during the incident in Ferelden's Circle did he allow his fear to get the better of him. After all, such a thing would have made him an easier target for Uldred's torment. But here and now, every measure of Cullen's inner calm vanished and left him powerless to do anything else but cower in the corner like a child.

* * *

_…The Deep Roads…_

The battle was a blur of chaos.

Even now, Minerva did not know how Fenris had managed to keep from being hit by one of Varric's many arrows as they rained down upon the horde of spiders and their queen, but the scarlet-haired mage was careful and true in her aim. She took care not to hit Fenris as he mercilessly attacked the massive spider, and focused all of her energy into making each and every attack that came from her as powerful as possible. Anders was no less vigilant in his healing magic—throwing spell after spell at Fenris to heal his wounds from a distance so the elf could continue his vicious attack. There was more than once close call in which Minerva had to shut her eyes tightly for fear that Fenris had met his end, but as the clamor from the battle continued, she knew that the elf still lived, and so she opened her eyes to continue the fight.

Finally, the battle was over, and amongst the myriad of arachnid corpses, a still glowing Fenris stood—panting as his shoulders sagged a little with fatigue.

"Fenris!" Minerva darted down the stairs—giving the massive spider corpse as wide a berth as possible before skidding to a halt beside the elf. "Fenris, are you alright? Are you hurt?" She reached out to touch the elf's shoulder in a concerned way.

"I am no worse for wear," Fenris remarked in his usual, terse way as he waved off Minerva's hand—unaccustomed to any displays of compassion and therefore meeting it with distrust. "Anders made certain I was able to keep fighting." He sheathed his sword at his back. "Whatever is behind that door had _better_ be worthwhile, dwarf," he said darkly while looking to Varric.

"Well, now that there's no current danger of being wrapped in silk and sucked dry of all my fluids, I can get back to picking the lock," Varric snarked with a small roll of his eyes before shouldering Bianca and turning to do just that.

"Be quick about it, Varric…_please_," Minerva urged with a trembling voice. "We still have to find Sandal…and I shudder to think of what dangers and horrors that poor, sweet boy has encountered on his own. Maker willing, he's still alive." As Varric worked on the lock, Minerva chanced a glance over her shoulder at the gargantuan spider corpse with its thick, harry legs curled as it lay lifelessly upon its back, and shivered violently before wrapping her arms around herself.

"Are you alright?" Anders asked as he tentatively placed his hands upon Minerva's shoulders only to wrap his arms around her when she suddenly turned and nestled into him. Though his face reflected his evident surprise, his heart raced excitedly at the close, unexpected contact. "Minerva?"

"Biggest…biggest spider I've…ever…ever seen…!" Minerva whispered frantically as she tightly gripped the fabric of Anders' tunic in her hands until her knuckles turned white. She squeezed her eyes shut and her body quaked in residual terror. "I hate spiders…I hate spiders…I _hate_ spiders…!"

Anders gently rubbed Minerva's back and held her close as he nuzzled her hair—only just barely resisting the urge to kiss his way down to her lips. "I know…I know, but it's dead now," he murmured softly while slowly rocking her back and forth and subtly but deeply breathing in her scent.

"Giant, harry legs…_massive_ pincers…" Minerva buried her face into Anders' shoulder.

"It's dead now," Anders murmured softly into Minerva's ear as he continued to hold her close. "It's nothing more than a lifeless shell…it can't hurt you."

"But what if there are more of them? What if _that's_ not the only one?" Minerva asked in a soft, frightened whimper.

Anders gently stroked Minerva's hair. "Then I will protect you," he murmured. "I won't let it get you. I will keep you safe, Minerva…I will _never_ let any harm come to you." _I love you, Minerva. I love you and worship you…please, **please** see that and open your heart to me again!_

Minerva began relaxing under Anders' words and caresses, and soon she was loosening her grip upon his clothing before letting go completely and looking up at him with a small, thankful smile. "Thank you, Anders…" she said softly as she took a step back from her fellow apostate. "I…I'm feeling better now."

"You need not thank me for giving you comfort," Anders said softly—barely resisting the urge to pull Minerva back against him. "You _never_ have to thank me for that because I would give it to you freely and gladly whenever you asked."

Minerva smiled softly then tucked a strand of hair behind her ears with a shaky hand as her smile became sheepish. "Sorry for becoming such a mess," she said loud enough for Varric and Fenris to hear. "I can't even begin to imagine how pathetic I must've looked and sounded just now…"

"Everyone is afraid of something," Fenris said simply in his abrupt way as he gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "You just happened to come face to face with a giant version of what you fear most in the world…your reaction is understandable."

"Don't feel bad, Hawke," Varric soothed in his smooth way. "I damn near soiled my smallclothes a few times," he said with a soft chuckle as he poked his head out of the small room. "Hey, Broody…fancy a new axe?"

Fenris blinked and started up the stairs. "You have my attention," he said before stepping lightly up the steps and into the room to investigate.

"I don't think you're pathetic," Anders said softly. "Frightened beyond measure though you were, you _still _stayed and fought. A weaker person would have turned tail and run, but not _you._" He gave Minerva a small smile before letting out a small sigh. "For what it's worth, I was terrified as well. Not even during my time with the Wardens did I ever come across a spider that big."

Minerva took a deep breath then let it our slowly as she gathered her wits and regained her complete composure while squaring her shoulders. In reality though, she yearned to feel Cullen's arms around her—to feel the warm protection of his embrace as she nestled into his strong body. It had been three days since she and Cullen had been able to meet within their dreams. The ever-present danger within the Deep Roads simply did not allow Minerva to fall into a deep enough slumber so her soul could seek Cullen's out within the Fade, and she had a feeling that she would be getting even _less _sleep after coming face to face with her greatest fear—ironic since Minerva needed Cullen's comfort at that moment.

Maker, how Minerva missed him!

She would have been happy with the two of them spending the entirety of a dream simply holding each other. Minerva could only imagine how worried Cullen must have grown during the three-day long period of silence. If she could only force herself to relax, she could seek him out for just a moment and let him know she was alive. "Yes, well…" she began after softly clearing her throat. "Maker willing, we'll _never_ see one that big again."

Anders chuckled softly. "Here's hoping."

* * *

_…Cullen's Quarters…_

"Knight-Captain?! Knight-Captain Cullen?!"

"Knight-Captain Cullen?!"

"Knight-Captain Cullen, are you alright in there?!"

Before Cullen could answer, his door was thrown open and five recruits—none other than Keran amongst them—rushed inside before hurriedly gathering around his still-crouched form. While the unbridled terror he had felt had abated, he had been too busy trying to determine its origin to even think about standing.

"Knight-Captain Cullen, are you alright?" Keran asked as he took a step closer to his mentor. "What happened?"

"Why are you on the floor?" another recruit asked.

"Why did you scream?" asked another.

"Were you under attack? Was there a demon?"

Wanting to get the recruits out of his room as soon as possible, Cullen offered them a sheepish smile while waving away their concern as he slowly rose to his feet. "I'm fine, I'm fine. I appreciate your concern, but there was no need for you to worry. I was having a nap…and I had a nightmare is all." He softly cleared his throat. "I'm better now."

Keran blinked and took a step back. "That must've been _some_ bad dream, ser."

"It _was_ a nasty one," Cullen answered simply as he squared his shoulders. "Let's leave it at that. Go on about your business, all of you. Leave me to get ready for my duties. As you can see I'm quite well."

"Are you certain, ser?" Keran asked cautiously.

Cullen offered the young recruit a small smile. "I _am_," he said while motioning for the recruits towards the door. "There's no need to allow a bad dream to interfere with the duties we all have." He followed the recruits as they turned and filed out of his chamber, and he locked the door behind them once the last had left before simply leaning heavily against the door with closed eyes. As the memory of his connection to Minerva through the fade floated to the front of his thoughts, Cullen knew that he could not fool himself into pretending that he had _not_ just felt his beloved's terror, and that reality filled his heart with immeasurable dread.

It had been three days since Cullen and Minerva had met within their dreams…three days in which Cullen's mind had run amok through every possible worst scenario for his beloved to endure. Three days of worrying and agonizing over the uncertainty of Minerva's safety, condition or overall state of being…only to suddenly be so overwhelmed by his love's paralyzing terror?

Maker…such terror it had been!

But how had he felt it in the first place?

Did his connection to Minerva through the Fade extend so far as to allow him to feel what his beloved felt during their wakeful times? Would it happen again or was it only a one-time occurrence? Why had it happened? Was it because of the intensity of Minerva's fear? Would the connection work with _any_ intense emotion?

Closing his eyes, Cullen tried reaching out across the void for Minerva but was rewarded only with nothingness. Was Minerva alright? _What_ had caused her to be so terrified? Had it gotten her? Was she dead?

Cullen gave a violent shake of his head. _No! If I felt her fear, then it stands to reason I would've felt it if…if…_ Cullen closed his eyes and pushed the thought from his mind before it could have a chance to finish formulating within his mind. Instead, he turned and made his way to the window on the opposite wall and placed his hands upon the cool stone of the sill as he gazed out into the distance through the glass. _Minerva…Minerva, where are you?_ He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the glass. _Merciful Maker and blessed Andraste…I beseech you…**please** keep her safe. If anyone should pay the price for our forbidden love and be punished, please, **please** let it be **me**. I implore you…please, **please** do **not** take her from this world._ A lone tear rolled down Cullen's right cheek. _Please…**please** bring her home. _

* * *

**A/N**: Btw, the first time I played DA2, I had the EXACT same reaction as Minerva when that gargantuan spider came down from the ceiling. I actually DID scream "kill it with fire", lol.


	16. Chapter 15

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys truly keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters or snippets of diologue pertaining directly to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 15**

* * *

_…Deep Roads; The next day…_

"Hawke, would you _please_ stop checking and fidgeting with your robes every five seconds?" Varric asked irritably as he along with Minerva, Fenris and Anders searched the chamber in which they currently found themselves sealed thanks to Bartrand for anything that could be of use to them before they tried the only other door in the room. "This is _hardly _the time for you to be worrying about how you look." He clenched his jaw. "Bartrand…that nug-humping bastard…" he growled under his breath.

"Easy for _you_ to say," Minerva replied dryly. "I already lost _one_ set of robes because of that blighted dragon we fought yesterday. Fortunately, it had _this_ set within its horde so I didn't have to go back to camp practically naked…but with us now _completely_ cut off from the party, our access to supplies is limited to what we have on our individual persons…and spare robes take up space for much needed potions, so if anything happens to _these_ robes then I'll be walking around in nothing but my smallclothes until we finally find a way back to the surface."

Varric sighed heavily. "Alright, _fine_…point taken," he said while giving a small shake of his head. "Sorry for snapping."

Minerva rested a hand upon Varric's thick shoulder. "It's alright...it's understandable that you'd be a bit on edge considering what just happened."

"I know, but the four of us are all we've got," Varric said as he rested his hand atop Minerva's and gave it a small squeeze. "We shouldn't turn on each other…not if we want to make it back to the surface in one piece." He let go of Minerva's hand and looked up at her with a small grin. "And for the record, I'd let you wear my coat if your robes got too damaged and threadbare," he said before he started for the door. "Here's hoping _this_ door isn't sealed shut…otherwise are going to get bad _really _fast. Hey, Fenris…come give me a hand, will ya? I think I felt the door give."

Minerva and Anders hung back out of the way while Fenris moved forward and helped Varric push against the heavy stone door. Both elf and dwarf grunted and groaned as they worked to move the heavy slab of stone.

"I wonder what Bartrand plans to do with that idol," Minerva mused. "The power coming from it was…unlike anything I've ever felt before."

Anders frowned in thought. "The lyrium potions that could be made from that idol would be extraordinarily potent." His frown deepened. "Just think of the power boost it would give those blighted Templars should that dwarf attempt to sell it to the Order," he said with an underlying snarl. "As though those monsters weren't enough of a threat on their own..."

"Not _all_ of them are like that," Minerva said simply—her mind filled with the image of Cullen in full armor—light all but radiating from him as he gazed at her with the gentle, loving smile that he reserved only for her. "A Templar helped my father escape…for the short time I knew him, I thought Aveline's late husband Wesley was a good man…"

"Enough of them _are_ monsters," Anders answered with narrowed eyes. "You _saw _what they did to Karl. They'd make _every_ mage tranquil if they had the means to do so. You just _know _they're all sitting in the Gallows looking for _any _excuse to give a mage the Brand."

"Anders…" Minerva said softly.

"_What_?" Anders demanded. "Tell me that I'm wrong. Look me in the eye and tell me that all Templars aren't simply _waiting_ for the chance to cut all mages off from their Maker-given gifts and turn them into hollow shells of the people they _used_ to be." His eyes glowed blue.

Before Minerva could answer, she was cut off by the telltale sound of stone grinding against stone, and she looked excitedly over to Fenris and Varric as their combined effort caused the heavy door to slowly slide open. Unable to resist, she clapped her hands and cheered while giving a small jump—overjoyed at having the subject changed. "Well done, you two!"

Turning to face the two mages, Varric grinned and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Our chances of survival just went from non-existent to moderate." He motioned towards the passage that the now opened door revealed. "What do you say we get out of here?"

"I would second that," Fenris said as he started out the door.

"Right behind you," Minerva said before hurrying after the lanky elf. She stopped with a small sigh and looked around the new corridor. "You know…all the danger and betrayal aside, you just can't help but admire the craftsmanship we've been seeing."

"Didn't I tell you?" Anders asked with a small grin as he stepped through the door before looking to the left. "I wonder what's in there…"

Minerva gulped softly. "Another massive spider?"

"Somehow, I don't think so," Varric said with a soft chuckle as he started for the door. "We _might_ find things we could use though."

"Considering that we are currently cut off from all supplies, I'm willing to investigate that theory," Fenris said as he moved for the door. With his longer legs and stride, it did not take him long to pass Varric and push the door open…

Only to find himself facing a roomful of Shades and a stone golem.

"Venhedis," Fenris growled while drawing his battle-axe as his lyrium markings flared to life.

Minerva drew her staff and a cocky smirk played over her lips—confidence filling her at not being faced with her phobia. "No spiders? Well then, let the fun begin!" She fearlessly charged into the room after Fenris while encasing the golem in ice. "Hit him with everything you've got, Fenris! Varric and I will handle the Shades! Anders, you know what to do!"

* * *

_…Meredith's Office…_

"Thank you for coming, Knight-Captain," Meredith spoke from behind her desk.

Cullen gave a bow of his head while crossing his arms over his chest. "When the Knight-Commander calls, it would be unwise to do anything else but answer her summons."

The barest ghost of a smile played over Meredith's lips. "Exactly so."

"What do you wish of me?" Cullen asked simply as he straightened then stood at attention.

"I simply wished to inform you of a new recruit joining our ranks within three weeks' time as soon as the preparations are complete," Meredith said as she sat in her chair and reached for a piece of parchment. "His name is Carver Hawke…a former Ferelden just like yourself."

Cullen managed to keep his sudden surge of inward panic from becoming physically apparent, but his heart hammered within his chest. _Carver a Templar? Carver?!_ As though Cullen's relationship with Minerva was not complicated and difficult enough, not he had to contend with his beloved's surly, sullen brother joining the ranks? This simply would not do! What if he let slip that his sister was an apostate? What if he informed Meredith directly? Is that why the young man had joined the Order? Out of some misguided hatred fueled by sibling rivalry?

Cullen cleared his throat. "With all due respect, Knight-Commander, I don't believe Carver would be a particularly good candidate."

"Oh?" Meredith asked with a raised eyebrow as she sat back in her chair and steepled her fingers. "And why is that?"

"Knight-Commander…if I may, I have seen the way he acts and behaves. He is rash, impatient, and I do not believe he would fall in line and act in a manner befitting the Order." _Not that I am able to throw stones when it comes to behavior befitting of the order…_

"Your concerns are noted, Knight-Captain," Meredith replied. "Maker knows you have more than proven your worth and abilities since joining us here in Kirkwall, but I believe that Carver has potential. Rashness aside, Carver seems eager to prove himself…and one extra Templar might be the difference between victory and defeat when faced with blood mages. Surely, after what happened in the Ferelden Circle, you can appreciate that."

Cullen sighed softly and kept his face carefully schooled in a neutral mask. "Very well…I will _personally_ see to Carver and his training when he joins us." _Perhaps then I can keep an eye on him and ensure he does not make trouble for Minerva._

"As always, I appreciate your initiative, Knight-Captain," Meredith replied with a small smile and a small nod. "Dismissed."

Bowing, Cullen turned on his heel and strode from Meredith's office with a pensive look upon his face—his thoughts entirely on his absent beloved. _Minerva my love…wherever you are, I pray to the Maker that you are safe._

* * *

_…Deep Roads…_

"Andraste's flaming knickers!" Minerva cried before diving behind a stone pillar with a wordless scream as the ancient rock wraith lashed out with a surge of energy that illuminated the stone chamber with a red light. She clutched her staff tightly to her and cowered behind the pillar and waited out the powerful attack.

"MINERVA!" Anders cried out upon hearing Minerva yelp—his heart leaping into his throat as Minerva was suddenly blocked from his view by flying rubble.

"I'm alright!" Minerva replied with a wince. "A rock banged my arm, but I'm alive!" Alive…and strangely calm in the face of the new and powerful danger. _I **am **my father's daughter. I **will** survive this. This is **not** my end._

"We need a plan!" Varric cried as he carefully peered around the pillar behind which he hid as the energy blast continued. He had learned early on what happened when he got caught in the red blast and was not keen to let it happen again.

"I'm all for Fenris attacking that thing head on while the three of us attack it from a safe distance," Anders replied as he sank down as far as he could behind his own pillar.

"Trust you for _that_, Abomination!" Fenris snarled from behind his own cover across the ancient cavern.

"Enough!" Minerva cried while rubbing her arm. "The two of you are as bad as my brother and me!" The massive energy wave ceased, and Minerva let out a breath and braced herself for what she knew was coming. "On you guard!" she shouted as she rose to her feet. "Stay focused and we'll get out of here alive!" She narrowed her eyes at the approaching, smaller rock wraith that materialized out of the very stone floor itself, and as she conjured a ball of flame into her hand, all she could think about was Cullen and getting back to him. "I am _not_ going to die a virgin…!" she growled before hurtling the fireball and hitting the wraith center mass.

"Blondie! Stay out of sight and keep us all in fighting condition," Varric barked. "Broody! Focus on the big one! Hawke and I will keep the little ones off of you!"

Minerva froze two wraiths as they approached Fenris before hurling fireball after fireball at them as Varric rained arrows down upon them. "To victory!"

And so the battle raged on!

While chaotic like any other battle, there was still an underlying order and methodology that allowed the four companions to work like a set of well-oiled, finely-crafted gears—working together in tandem towards a final goal. They all knew that without the other they would perish, and so they took the necessary actions to ensure they each remained alive—Minerva, Varric and Fenris especially throwing themselves in harm's way if it meant preventing the killing blow from being delivered to one of their companions. Anders for his part did as he was told and remained out of sight as best he could and kept the fighting trio alive with his healing magic. Even so, he knew that by the end of the battle his three companions would be in dire need of healing poultices and magic to counter every injury they received. His heart halted every time Minerva put herself in harm's way, and it was with angry, wordless cries that he lashed out with bolts of electricity at her foes when they cornered her.

Finally, after what felt like an endless onslaught of lyrium-induced living stone, the ancient wraith was weakened and no longer able to call underlings to its aid. Her jaw firmly set, Hawke hurried close to the massive, stone goliath and delivered the killing blow—watching as the stones that had once served as limbs crumbled and fell to the cavern floor as life force left the wraith. Panting as Varric made his way over to her side, Minerva gathered herself and gave the dwarf a small smile and a shrug.

"The rock wraiths are supposed to be dwarven legends," Varric said in tired disbelief as he turned and slowly started for a smaller room on the other side of the cavern—his battle-weary body protesting with every step. "They're not even real."

"Looked pretty real to me," Minerva replied as she fell into step behind the dwarf. While she resisted the urge to use her staff as a walking stick, she nevertheless walked a little slower than usual. So did Fenris, she noted as she glanced to her left where the elf was walking beside her.

"Doesn't matter," Varric said breathlessly as he stopped at the mouth of the stone room. "Look what it was guarding!"

Minerva came to a halt beside her friend, and her heart skipped a beat as her jaw dropped in response to suddenly finding herself in the presence of treasures that she had only ever dreamed of. Recovering, she gave a small clear of her throat. "Let's see if there's something that can help us get out of here," she said in a somewhat breathless voice before opening the chest that was closest to her. Amidst the glittering gems and gold coins was an old, iron key which she held up so the others could see.

Varric raised an eyebrow. "A key? The kind that opens doors, I hope," he said while looking towards a stone door. "Let's collect the best pieces we can find and then get out of here."

Looking to the sheer amount of treasure, Minerva _knew_ that Varric was right. There was no _possible_ way in which the four of them could take _everything_ with them. But that did _not_ mean that Minerva was not racking her brain for ways in which they _could_.

* * *

_…A few hours later…_

Making his way over to Minerva's bedroll, Varric sat down beside her as she simply stared at the sovereign held between her fingers—as though unable to believe that she actually had such a fortune in her possession. "So, Hawke…is it true what you said earlier about not wanting to die a virgin?"

Minerva blinked and nearly dropped the gold coin as a look of utter mortification spread over her face. "Maker…did I _really _say that aloud?"

Varric grinned and chuckled. "Yep

Minerva's face became as red as her hair, and she groaned while palming her face. After a few moments, she raised her head and gave Varric a mock-glare. "Tell me…do you and Isabella have some sort of running bet between the two of you to see _who_ can get me to blush the most?" she asked dryly.

Varric threw back his head and laughed. "Oh, Hawke, I _wish_ we were that clever."

"Don't be so modest. You're _plenty_ clever," Minerva replied with a smirk.

"True, but there's still no bet," Varric said with his easy smile as he leaned back against the stone wall. "So, out of curiosity…who's winning?"

"So far? Isabella," Minerva answered.

"Huh…guess it's a good thing there's no bet then," Varric replied with a grin and a chuckle. For several moments, he simply sat quietly beside his friend while absently watching Anders heal the wounds of a grumbling Fenris on the other side of the small campsite. Not pleased to be on the receiving end of anything magical, the elf was begrudgingly allowing the healer to tend to him. "So…if you don't mind my asking, how is it that a woman as beautiful as you is _still_ a virgin? I dunno…figured with you looking the way you do that you'd be beating lovers away with that staff of yours."

Minerva gave a small shrug. "Like I told Isabella…being an apostate has its disadvantages."

"What? Apostates are allowed to have fun too, you know," Varric said.

Minerva sighed. "I know that…but I'm not just looking for _fun_." She lowered her gaze. "I'm looking for _love_, Varric. It's not an easy thing to be bound to an apostate…my mother gave up so much to marry my father, but to her it was all worth it because she loved him with every bit of her soul. She wasn't afraid of the prospect of bearing his magical children…and _that's_ the type of man I'm saving myself for. I'm saving myself for a man who can accept and love every bit of me…magic included. I'm saving myself for a man who won't be bothered by my bearing mage children…and with both the Amell _and_ Hawke bloodlines running through my veins, mage children would be guaranteed…even if my man of choice wasn't magical."

"That's kind of a tall order, Hawke," Varric replied.

"I know," Minerva answered softly before shrugging her shoulders. "But it's what I want…and I won't settle for less." Her mind was filled with thoughts of Cullen and her heart fluttered wildly within her chest even though in the back of her mind, she knew that all the things she had just told Varric could very well _not_ come to fruition. She could not help but want them…want them with _Cullen_.

"You know…I can think of at least _one_ guy who would fit the bill perfectly and be more than happy to do it," Varric said.

Minerva grinned teasingly at the dwarf. "Why Varric…are you offering?"

Varric blinked and for a moment looked flabbergasted. However, he recovered quickly and grinned cheekily. "Sorry, Hawke…you're beautiful and all, but I'm not into humans."

Minerva sighed melodramatically. "That saddens me greatly."

"As well it _should_," Varric said with a chuckle. "But in all seriousness, I was talking about Anders," he said while motioning with his head towards the healer.

"Let's not go down that road, Varric," Minerva replied tiredly—weary with having to yet again revisit Ander's rejection of her.

Varric slowly raised an eyebrow. "Have you been down it already?"

Minerva slowly shook her head. "Anders wouldn't let me," she answered softly. "I had to turn back before I even reached the crossing," she added—continuing with the metaphor.

Varric sighed and slowly shook his head. "What an idiot. A blind man can see how he feels about you. The way he's _always_ watching you…I figured he'd leap at the chance to be with you and that you'd be well on your way to making little magelings once you made your fortune on this expedition. Why would he turn you away?"

"Because he's convinced that his being an Abomination will wind up hurting me at some point," Minerva said in an almost bored tone from having to recount Anders' reasoning yet _again_. She flashed Varric a smile. "But I'm alright. I'll admit when I was first dealing with the rejection, I was dejected and melancholy, but I've since come to cope with it and I'm much the better. We're simply friends and I'm happy with that."

Varric drew his eyebrows together. "Are you sure _he's_ happy with that, Hawke? He hasn't left your side since we started this expedition, and it seems every time I turn around he's either flirting with you or finding some sort of excuse to touch you."

"Old habits die hard, I suppose," Minerva answered softly with a small shrug. "He acted the same way _before_ he thwarted my attempts to take our relationship beyond friendship…I've just come to accept it as a part of who he is."

"The way he grabbed you on the surface though…it didn't sit well with me."

"He didn't mean to hurt me," Minerva said with a sigh as she absently rubbed her arm at the memory. "He's a passionate person. He just…got carried away is all, and it hasn't happened again since."

Varric sighed softly and gave a small shake of his head. "I don't pretend to understand the relationship between the two of you, just…be careful. Alright, Minerva? For my sake?"

"Of course I'll be careful, Varric," Minerva said with a genuine smile even though her emerald eyes glimmered playfully. "I couldn't very well abandon you in this world…you'd be lost without me."

Varric grinned and chuckled. "Lost and _bored_, Hawke…lost and bored out of my mind."

"How long do you think before we make it back to the surface?" Minerva asked. After everything that had happened, she was aching more than ever to feel the warmth and strength of Cullen's embrace around her.

"I can't say for sure," Varric answered after several moments of thought. "I honestly have no way of knowing…these tunnels weren't on Anders' maps. Bartand knew that…which is what makes his betrayal that much harder to deal with. He _knew_ that the odds of the four of us making it back to the surface alive without supplies or even the smallest of clues of where to go were next to none if not completely obsolete…and let's not forget the unknown number of darkspawn we'll have to fight."

"Which is _why_ we're going to prove him wrong," Minerva said firmly. "We _will _make it back to the surface alive, and Bartrand _will_ answer for his betrayal, my friend. Mark my words, Varric…whether it be by _your_ hand or by some sort of karmic backlash, he _will_ get his comeuppance."


	17. Chapter 16

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys truly keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters or snippets of diologue pertaining directly to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 16**

* * *

_…Cullen's Bedchamber; Three weeks later…_

Minerva still had not returned from the Deep Roads...

Nor had she visited Cullen in his dreams.

It had been an entire month since the beautiful apostate had left, and Cullen was beside himself with worry—his dreams so plagued with horrible images of Minerva's demise that he had resorted to barely sleeping the entire time she was away. Macabre images of Minerva's broken and bleeding corpse…or worse, the vision of Minerva being torn apart by darkspawn while a powerless Cullen watched were always waiting for him when he closed his eyes. In instances of the latter, Cullen would be chained to a wall or simply too physically injured to race to his love's aide, but no matter what the scenario, Cullen was forced to watch impotently in horror as his mage was ripped into by filthy fangs and claws until she was nothing more than a bloody pulp—her agonizing screams echoing through his head even hours after awakening. In instances of the former, Cullen would arrive too late to save Minerva and could only cradle her lifeless body to him as tears of unbridled sorrow streamed down his face both in the dream as well as when he awoke.

Devoting himself completely to his duties during his wakeful hours did nothing to assuage the terrors that awaited him every time he closed his eyes.

The circles under his eyes as well as his general haggard appearance attested to that.

For every day that Minerva did not return, Cullen felt a little part of himself die, and he spent every spare moment he had in deep prayer for Minerva's safe return from the never ending danger of the Deep Roads. He prayed for that harder than he had ever prayed for anything in his entire life.

And the worst part of it all was that he had no one to talk to about it.

Many a time he contemplated seeking out Isabella and confiding his fears with her, but he always changed his mind. While the pirate knew about their relationship and made it possible for the two of them to meet, Cullen knew that Isabella _still_ did not trust him. Would she be sympathetic to his plight? Cullen doubted it…not with the way the pirate breezed through men. Besides…Isabella did not always remain in port. She was always coming and going.

He could not even talk to Carver.

Carver…

Cullen still could not believe the young man had joined the Order. Carver was due to arrive at the Gallows at any moment, and Cullen still could not understand _why_ the young man would knowingly endanger his sister by becoming one who hunted those like her. Was it because of some deep-seeded hatred that had grown from their sibling rivalry? Was it because Carver had given up all hope of Minerva returning from her expedition?

Cullen jumped to his feet and began pacing back and forth from one end of his room to the other.

Neither potential reason boded well.

If it was the latter, Cullen would be a hollow shell of the man he was because his beloved was no longer in the world of the living. If it was the former, then Cullen would have to work even harder to ensure that Minerva remained unnoticed by his fellow Templars. While Cullen had not spent that much time with Carver as of yet, he knew enough to know that the younger man was eager to prove himself. Would that eagerness lead to his turning his sister over to the Circle? If so, how would Cullen protect her?

_Especially_ if Carver went directly to Meredith with his information…

Never in his life had he felt so helpless…so impotent. He was powerless to protect Minerva from darkspawn in the Deep Roads, and he would be powerless to protect her against Meredith if Carver proved traitorous. Suddenly, it felt as though the walls of his room were closing in on him. He could not breathe.

Why could he not breathe?!

Cullen needed some air!

Striding from his room, he hurriedly made his way down the corridors. Since he was not on duty, he was no longer wearing his heavy armor but the tunic and trousers that all Templars wore when they were out of the public eye—when they were not portraying themselves as immovable forces of piety—and therefore his pace was quick and unhindered.

The Templar tunics fell to the knee and were of a deep, royal purple with intricate, gold stitching along the hems and edges. Worn over a pair of black trousers and boots, the tunics were belted at the waist by a red sash and had a sleeve length determined by the seasons of the year—short sleeves for the warmer months and long sleeves for the colder ones. Because of his rank, Cullen's tunics had a small version of the flaming sword insignia emblazoned over his heart in gold thread.

He did not slow in his pace until he was standing out in the courtyard of Templar Hall and the cooling air of the early evening touched his face. Leaning against the stone railing, Cullen took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he willed himself to calm down.

"Good evening, Knight-Captain."

"Good evening, Knight-Captain."

Cullen turned his head to see two knights approaching to enter the door from which he had just exited. "Good evening, he replied with a small, polite bow of his head before he made his way towards the stone steps that would lead him down into the small, stone courtyard that separated the barracks from the offices of Meredith and Orsino. It was then that he saw Carver approaching through the gate that had been raised for him, and Cullen slightly raised an eyebrow as the scowl that seemed ever present upon the young man's face appeared to more deeply set than usual. "Initiate Hawke…is there a problem?" he asked in a voice that he hoped did not portray just how worried he was.

"You _could_ say that, Knight-Captain," Carver answered tersely. "My sister has returned from her grand expedition."

Cullen had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling and whooping for joy, though within his chest, his heart danced a jig. "Would this not be a cause for celebration?" he asked. "I understand that the Deep Roads are quite perilous." _She's back! My beloved is back! Blessed, blessed Maker, you brought her back to me! Thank you!_

"Oh, but _nothing_ can best my sister…didn't you know that?" Carver remarked dryly. "She could probably walk on the water if she had the notion," he snarked.

Cullen blinked and paused in his planning of just _how_ he would meet up with Minerva that night. "I'm sorry?" _Please don't betray her trust. Please dear Maker, let him not betray her trust!_

"It's not what you may think, Knight-Captain," Carver replied hurriedly. "What I simply meant was that my sister is perfect at just about _everything_ she does. There's _nothing_ that woman can't do…and it's impossible for anyone _else_ to emerge from her shadow," he said bitterly. "Even today…after a _month_ of being away…after leaving me behind, she had the nerve to try and control my life? She might be my older sister, but she is _not _the master of my life. I don't need her making my decisions for me. Iam _not_ a child…I haven't been for some time, but Maker forbid that she realize that."

Cullen softly cleared his throat. "Surely it is simply because she cares about you and wants to ensure that you make the best decision for yourself," he offered.

"No, it's because she can't abide the idea of someone _else_ being in the spotlight for even a fraction of a moment," Carver all but spat.

_Bitter, ungrateful, little cur…if he only knew just how much Minerva cared for him and their mother._ Cullen schooled his face carefully into an impassive mask. "Well…perhaps that will change now that you are no longer living with her and your mother," he said simply. "Though, when serving the Maker as we Templars do, we do _not_ do it for the glory and the recognition. We do _not _seek to be made war-heroes. What we do is for the good of _all_, and our first priority is to ensure the safety of all the non-mages in our immediate charge. The safety of the people of Kirkwall is far more important than _any_ medal or commendation, Initiate Hawke. Remember that."

Carver hung his head a little. "Yes, Knight-Captain."

"Very well then," Cullen said before motioning to one of the nearby knights. "Show this initiate to his bunk.

"Yes, Knight-Captain," the knight replied with a nod before motioning for Carver to follow him.

Alone now, Cullen's mind was busily at work in formulating a plan to see Minerva that night. Wanting desperately to simply be in her presence…to speak to her and assure himself that she was indeed alive and safe. Cullen was desperate to simply hold her in his arms and listen to the sound of her breathing.

Was it too late for him to send a message to Gamlen's Lowtown hovel? Was Isabella back in town? Could he send a message to _her_ to give to Minerva?

Glancing to the now lowered gate, Cullen caught sight of none other than Minerva herself standing on the other side—her mournful gaze fixed upon Carver as he was drawn into the fold of his new family. Once the younger Hawke vanished into the barracks, Cullen watched as Minerva hung her head, and he felt her pain and despair as it if were his own.

Oh, how Cullen yearned to comfort her! How he wished he could run to her and envelope her in his embrace. But he forced himself to stand his ground. He stood rooted to the spot and kept his gaze fixed upon her—willing her to look at him. She must have felt his gaze upon her, because after a few moments, Minerva raised her head and turned it until her eyes met his. Even from the distance where he stood, Cullen could see the shimmer of the tears that trailed down his beloved's face, and it broke his heart.

However, before Cullen could say or do anything, Minerva turned on her heel and hurried away. He had to stop himself from charging the gate and calling her name, and his strong body quaked with the effort as he clenched both hands into fists. _Minerva, my love…call to me. Send word for me, and I will come. I will come to you, my beloved. Please let me hold you. Please let me comfort you. Please Let me simply be in your presence and rejoice in the fact that you're alive._

* * *

_…Gamlen's House; A little later…_

"Did you change his mind? Is he coming back?" Leandra demanded of Minerva not two seconds after she had walked in the door. Gamlen, unsurprisingly, was absent—gone to the Rose, no doubt to escape the situation.

The fact that her mother had not _once_ asked her about her health and well-being since she arrived home was not lost on Minerva, but she was simply too tired and emotionally spent to even entertain the idea of dwelling on it. Instead, she gave a small shake of her head as her thoughts went to Cullen and how she had seen him watching her from the courtyard. How she had wanted more than anything for him to hold her…to run madly into his arms and let him tell her that everything would be alright. She desperately needed that now. She needed _him. _"No, mother…he's gone."

Once again, Leandra sank to her knees as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I've lost my son. First I lose my daughter, and now I've lost my son."

Minerva tried to ignore the sting of her mother's words, but found it more difficult than she would have liked. "You haven't _lost_ him, mother," she said as she slowly strode towards Leandra's form. "He's still alive." _Never mind the fact that you **still** have one child here with you yet you don't seem to care…_

"Why didn't you stop him?" Leandra asked Minerva furiously as she rose to her feet.

Minerva was taken aback by her mother snapping at her so suddenly. "I could _hardly_ storm the gates and drag Carver home by his ear, mother. Need I remind you just _what _I risked by coming in such close proximity to the Gallows?"

"How could you let him run off like that? Why did you let him run off and join?" Leandra demanded.

That was the final straw.

The similarity to the accusation Leandra had used immediately following Bethany's death was not lost on Minerva. As the memory of her sister's brutal end replayed itself through her mind, Minerva heard an angry buzzing in her head as her mother once again placed blame upon her.

Minerva blinked. "_Let_ him join? Forgive me, mother…but did you just imply that I _let_ Carver join the Templars?" She narrowed her eyes. "Do you not remember _what_ I am? _Why _would I encourage him to join the very group of people that could imprison me for the rest of my life? But _that_ small fact aside, have you forgotten that I was _gone_ for an entire month? I was gone in search of gold and treasure which _you_ could use to buy back _your_ ancestral home, so I had _no_ way of stopping _anything_ that Carver decided to do. He stayed behind as per _your _request, so if you have anyone to blame for what he's done, it's yourself." She set her jaw, and her body trembled with anger as all the hurt she had kept repressed for so long made its way to the surface. "And by the way…I'm _fine_, in case you were wondering. Never mind the fact that I nearly _died_ more than a few times during the expedition and was in dire need of a bath, a welcoming embrace and a kind word when I walked through this door, but I don't suppose any of that matters to you, does it?"

Leandra looked at Minerva in shock. This was the first time her eldest daughter had ever spoken to her in such a way. "How could you say that?" she asked in a soft, hurt voice.

"How can I _not_ when at every turn, you make it _very_ clear that you hold no real regard for me regardless of just _how _much I break my back for you?" Minerva asked coldly. "Who was it that you simply could _not_ bear to see go into the Deep Roads. It wasn't _me_…it was _Carver_. You didn't even hug me goodbye before I left…even though you knew that it could very well have been the _last _time you ever saw me again. What did you ask of me the moment I walked through the door after being away in a dangerous environment for an entire _month_? You didn't ask me if I was alright…_all_ you cared about was me trying to talk Carver out of his decision." Minerva took all but one small pouch from her person and hurled them to the floor—causing all the glittering contents to spill out. "You're welcome," she said icily before turning on her heel and storming out of the house.

"Unbelievable," Minerva grumbled under her breath as she stomped towards darktown—not caring that night was rapidly approaching and that thugs would be out in force. She needed some time alone, which meant she had to go somewhere her mother would _never _venture. That left out Hightown, the docks or anywhere in Lowtown." After _all_ that I've done…after _all_ that I went through…she couldn't even muster up a hug. Why do I even bother? Honestly…_why_ do I try?" She stubbornly wiped away the lone tear that rolled down her cheek as she made her way into the dark slums. "Nothing I ever do will _ever_ be good enough for her. _I_ will never be good enough…" She sighed heavily—not noticing the dark figures following and closing in around her from the shadows. "I should just give up…"

"Wise words, pretty lady."

Minerva halted in her tracks and turned on the spot to see that she was surrounded by thugs—each with weapons drawn and pointed at her save for the ringleader.

"We'll make this easy on you," the ringleader drawled with a leer as he regarded Minerva with his hands on his hips. "Give us _every_ piece of coin jinglin' in that pouch of yours, and me and my boys will only rough you up a little bit."

Minerva regarded the bandit leader calmly. "And if I say no?"

The bandit leader's grin grew to reveal two missing teeth as he slid a hand over his dark, greasy hair. "If you say no, then my boys and I will beat you within an inch of your life before we each have a go at you." He luridly ran his tongue over his teeth. "And then we'll take your money."

Minerva slowly let out a breath. "You can _try_," she said simply. Yet, even as she assumed a defensive stance, Minerva could feel that her heart was not really in it. How could it be when not even her own _mother_ seemed to care if she lived or died? How could she put her heart into protecting herself when her brother brought their family under scrutiny by joining the ranks of those who hunted people like her? Those thoughts turned her rage into deep sorrow, and she felt her reserves of inner strength fade away into nothingness.

"It'll be _your_ funeral, pretty one," the bandit leader leered before motioning to his underling to attack. "Have at her, boys…but don't forget _I_ get to play with her first."

Clenching her jaw, Minerva swung her staff in an outward arc and encased three of the bandits to her left in ice before shooting another stream of ice at a fourth bandit who charged her from the right. Before she could turn to look behind her, she felt a dagger sink into her back, and her eyes widened as she screamed in pain. She had scarcely crumpled to the floor before she was being kicked viciously by several feet. Blood spurted from her mouth and nose while it pooled out around her from her stab wound, and she felt more than one bone crack and break under the force of the heavy boots.

She knew that she should fight back…

She knew that she _could_ fight back…

But Minerva simply could not find it within herself to fight back.

_Just let it be over…I just want it all to be over…_

She could feel herself fading and her vision darkened as her life began slipping away. But before her vision went completely black, she saw a flash, of brilliantly blinding, blue light coupled with a wordless roar of rage. Bodies collapsed around her, and amidst the chaos, terrified screams rang through Minerva's ears, but she did not have the energy or the strength to care or even worry about her safety.

She would be dead soon in any case.

Soon she would be with her father and Bethany again.

She was only vaguely aware of being gathered into a pair of arms and cradled against a warm body, but her injuries did not pain her anymore. She had transcended all pain as a welcoming numbness and weightlessness overtook her and made everything go black.

* * *

_…Cullen's quarters…_

Cullen had been lying on his bed in quiet contemplation when he suddenly sat bolt upright and tears streamed down his face as he was filled with an overwhelming sense of dread—his heart feeling as though it had literary been torn in half and ripped from his body. "Min…Minerva…!" he uttered in a choked whisper as he pressed a hand to his chest. "Minerva, where are you?" He closed his eyes and reached for his beloved…only to be met with nothing but emptiness.

Not by any means skilled in navigating the Fade, Cullen did not even know _how_ to find Minerva or how to tell the difference between spirits and demons, so he opened his eyes and pulled back. In his mind, he knew that he should stay where he was…that it would arouse too much suspicion if he stormed off now with so many of his brothers-in-arms still up and about. But Cullen did not care.

Minerva _needed _him!

Throwing the blankets off of himself, he leapt from his bed and hurriedly donned his hooded cloak—not even bothering to don his armor over his tunic and trousers before opening the door to his quarters and then striding down the corridor at a quick clip. _I'm coming for you, Minerva. I couldn't help you while you were in the Deep Roads, but I can help you **now. **I'm coming for you! Please just hang on, my love! Please hang on just a little longer!_

* * *

_…Varric's room at the Hanged Man; A little later…_

His belly filled with hot food and cold ale, and his body scrubbed clean, Varric had been sleeping peacefully in his large bed—relishing and reveling in the simple pleasure of sleeping on a soft, warm mattress instead of a hard, cold, stone floor. This was the first time in _weeks_ that he was able to actually sleep deeply and well instead of having to remain on constant alert for possible darkspwan attacks, and his dreams with troves of glittering treasure…

Until the sound of an incessant pounding on his door ripped him from his dreams.

Groaning as he rolled out of bed and pulled on his trousers, he shuffled to the door. "Someone better be dead," he grumbled before yawning. "Alright, alright, I'm coming!" he retorted moments before he yanked his door open. "What?" he growled as he looked up at the tall, hooded, male figure. "Whatever it is, I'm _not_ interested. Go away." An indignant sound escaped him when the figure pushed his way into the room and pushed the door closed. "_Who_ do you think you are?" Varric demanded with narrowed eyes—already calculating how long it would take for him to reach Bianca should his unwelcome guest turn violent. He did _not_ however expect the hooded man to lower his hood and reveal none other than Knight-Captain Cullen himself. "Well…that answers that." Varric cleared his throat. "What brings you to my door?"

"Do you know where Minerva is?" Cullen asked desperately.

Varric's heart leapt into his throat, but he kept his face impassive. "I'm sorry…_who_?" he asked simply.

"_Hawke_," Cullen clarified hurriedly. "Minerva Hawke. Do you know where she is?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about," Varric replied smoothly while stepping towards the door so he could open it and usher the Templar out.

"Don't lie to me!" Cullen all but roared while punching the closest wall. He managed to regain some of his composure, but his face was etched deeply with obvious distress. "Please…I mean her no harm. I want only to keep her safe. That's why I'm here. Something is _very _wrong…she's…she's in trouble." A tear rolled down his cheek. "I came to you because I _know_ you're a friend of hers, and I couldn't find Isabella anywhere."

Varric raised a hand. "Hold on…you'll excuse me if I don't believe what you're telling me. What does Isabella have to do with any of this, and why would _you_ of all people want to keep Hawke safe?"

"Because I _love_ her," Cullen answered without hesitation as his eyes entreated Varric to believe him. "I love her and _she_ loves me, and Isabella has been making it possible for Minerva and me to meet and be together."

Varric could have been knocked over with a feather, and his jaw dropped in evident shock before snapping shut as he tilted his head to the side a little in thought—his mind going over every incident in which Isabella had been particularly attentive, talkative or rambunctious. "It all makes sense now…" As well as why Minerva had never once taken the bait during all of Anders' flirtatious behavior in the Deep Roads. _Andraste's ass, if Anders ever found out about this… _"Okay, supposing that I believe you…_why_ do you think she's in trouble?"

"Because she and I are connected through the Fade," Cullen answered. "Minerva can explain it better, but basically our souls are connected in the Fade…and that connection allows me to feel any strong surge of fear, sadness…or pain." His eyes were filled with desperation as he gazed down at Varric. "And I felt _such_ pain…suddenly followed by _nothing_." He placed a hand over his heart. "Please, ser dwarf…I beseech you to help me find her. She _needs_ help."

Varric was silent for a moment before sighing. "Alright, I'll take care of it…but _you_ stay here," he said while holding up a hand to signal Cullen not to interrupt. "You draw far too much attention to yourself, Knight-Captain. Even without your shiny armor, you don't exactly blend into a crowd, and if it becomes apparent that you're not intending to apprehend Minerva…if you were actually _seen_ being concerned about her, it wouldn't bode well for either of you. Please just let me handle this. Alright?"

After a few moments, Cullen gave a reluctant nod. "Very well…but _please_ keep me informed."

Varric gave a small nod as he mentally mapping out all the places in the city Minerva could be and just how much ground he would be able to cover with his network of urchins. As much as he knew Minerva's relationship with Cullen _needed _to be kept secret, he knew that if Minerva was in real danger, he was going to need backup that orphaned children could not provide. He was going to need help. "Make yourself comfortable…and just give me a moment to get dressed before I go drag a surly elf out of bed."

Cullen blinked. "Pardon?"

Varric sighed. "Don't ask."

* * *

_…Anders' clinic; later…_

Minerva's eyes slowly fluttered open, and as they gradually regained focus, she was greeted with the sight of Anders' face gazing down upon her with an expression that somehow managed to be both furious and relieved. "Anders?" she asked tiredly. "Is that really you? How…how did I get here? The last thing I remember…I was—"

"Letting a gang of thugs beat you to death when you could have easily decimated them?" Anders supplied angrily.

Minerva was silent for several moments. Then she slowly let a heavy sigh escape her. "You saw that?" she asked softly while slowly sitting up.

"_What_ in Andraste's name were you thinking?" Anders demanded as his hands tightly gripped Minerva's shoulders before giving her a small shake. "Have you _completely_ lost your mind? Why? _Why_ would you do something like that? _Why_?!"

Minerva was silent for several moments.

Anders gave the lovely apostate another shake. "_Why_?!"

"Because I'm tired, Anders," Minerva replied softly. "I am so…_very_ tired, and I have nothing left to live for."

Anders blinked several times as his face became deeply etched with disbelief. "Nothing to live for? You think you have _nothing_ to live for?" His hands tightened their grip. "Maker, Minerva…you've amassed more than enough wealth to buy back your mother's family home. Isn't that why you went into the Deep Roads to begin with? Isn't that what you wanted?"

"It's still not enough," Minerva said softly.

"What do you mean?" Anders asked.

"It doesn't matter _what_ I do…all that my mother seems to care about is what I _didn't_ do," Minerva replied sadly. "I _didn't _keep Bethany from attacking the ogre in Ferelden when all of us were running from the Blight. I _didn't_ stop Carver from joining the Templars…"

Anders blinked in shock. "What? What did you just say? _Carver_ joined the Templars?" he asked in disbelief.

Minerva nodded. "Yes…my brother left home and joined the Templars, and _that's_ all my mother seems to care about…the fact that her two youngest children are no longer by her side. Never mind the fact that I risked both life and limb to ensure that she could live comfortably for the rest of her life…all she seems content to do is remind me of how I failed to keep the family together." Her bottom lip trembled a little and tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Add to that the constant fear of my brother turning me over to Meredith…death would be far more welcome than _anything _that woman would do to me or to enduring a life of imprisonment after a lifetime of freedom. So _no_, Anders… I _don't_ have anything left to live for," she said bitterly.

"Do you _really_ think he would do that?" Anders asked softly.

"Not intentionally, no," Minerva answered softly. "But he doesn't always control the words that come out of him." She hung her head. "All it would take is _one_ slipup, and I would be done for…not that my mother would care." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I doubt she'd notice I was even gone…"

Anders hands were gentle now and they even tenderly rubbed where they rested to sooth away any pain or discomfort they might have caused during their tight grip. His heart bled for Minerva in her time of distress. He could no longer allow himself to dance around his feelings for Minerva in the hopes that _she _would once again initiate something deeper than their current friendship—not when the she was in such obvious need of the support that only love could give.

Consequences be damned!

Anders loved the crimson-haired mage and he was not going to push her away any longer. She _needed _him just as much as _he _needed _her. _He leaned in and brushed a kiss to Minerva's forehead—his lips trembling just a little at the chaste contact with the smooth skin. "Things might not be as dismal as you think they are. You _do_ have something to live for, Minerva," he murmured while gathering up his courage.

"And just what might _that_ be?" Minerva asked morosely.

"Love," Anders replied as his hands slowly moved up to tenderly cup Minerva's face—his thumbs lovingly brushing the tears from her cheeks. "You have the love of a man _so _devoted to you that he would sacrifice everything for a chance to be at your side."

Minerva blinked and seemed to stare blankly at Anders for several moments before a serene smile spread over her lips. "You're right," she said softly. "I _do_ love him…so _very _much, and _he_ loves _me_." She gave a small shake of his head. "I can't believe I allowed my despair to overshadow the love he and I have for each other…the connection we share…" Her eyes widened. "Maker…our connection!" Minerva jumped to her feet. "I have to go! I have to go to him!" She smiled down at Anders before leaning down so she could throw her arms around him in a tight embrace. "Thank you…thank you for saving me, and thank you for reminding me just how blessed my life is." She kissed his cheek. "I couldn't ask for a better friend. Thank you, thank you, _thank_ you!"

And with that, Minerva stepped away from her fellow apostate and hurried out of the clinic.

Anders stared after Minerva in complete dismay and even reached out a hand towards her fleeing figure even after she was out of his reach.

What had just happened?

Had Minerva just admitted to being in love with someone _else_? To being in a _relationship_ with someone _else_?

Anders suddenly felt very lightheaded, and he had to put his head between his knees as his hands gripped the edge of the cot—his body trembling as a sob of anguish escaped him. "No…no, Maker…_no_…! I've lost her…I've _lost _her…!"

_'Did I not tell you that she would never be yours?'_

"This is entirely _your_ fault," Anders snapped as he stood—his body trembling with rage as he began pacing back and forth in agitation. "If it wasn't for _you_, I wouldn't have pushed Minerva away in the first place…and she would be _mine_ instead of another's." The mental image of Minerva passionately entangled with another man in the throes of passion filled Anders with rage, and a choked roar escaped him as he punched the closest wall.

_'I was not the one who made the offer for our current arrangement.'_

"No, but you didn't fight the idea either," Anders snapped before punching the wall again.

_'Push these longings for the female mage out of your mind. They will only hinder you in our mission.'_

"Our mission…is that _all_ you care about?" Anders snorted softly and gave a small shake of his head. "Why am I even asking you that? Of _course_ that's all you care about…_you_ who has never known the delight of a woman's touch or the simple pleasure of feeling her warm breath caress your neck as she nestles into your body so trustingly…"

_'Anders—'_

"_All_ I want is _her_," Anders said while he rested his forehead against the wall and allowed his shoulders to sag. "All I want is a life with her…a lifetime of being by her side until the day I depart from this world…maybe even a child or two."

_'Enough!'_ Justice's voice bellowed through Anders' mind, causing the mage to actually flinch._ 'Your personal feelings and desires do not matter. You are no longer living for yourself but for others like you. For the sake of **all** like you who have ever been oppressed, you **must** rise above your petty, human wants because they are no longer of any importance.'_

Anders sighed heavily. "Spoken like one who has never known the pleasure that a smile from a good woman can bring…and who never _will_."


	18. Chapter 17

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys truly keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters or snippets of diologue pertaining directly to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 17**

* * *

_…Lowtown…_

Minerva had just crossed into Lowtown when she saw the familiar shape of Varric approaching her at a quick clip. "I figured you'd be in bed," she said with a smile and a chuckle which both faltered when she saw the strange expression on her friend's face. "Varric? Is everything al-" She was cut off when Varric grabbed her by the arm and yanked her none-too-gently into an alley. "Varric, what…?"

"You've got a _lot_ of explaining to do, Hawke," Varric growled.

"For _what_?" Minerva asked in genuine shock as she looked down at the dwarf.

"A _Templar_, Hawke?" Varric supplied. "_Really?_ Not just _any _Templar I might add, but the blighted Knight-Captain?" He narrowed his eyes a little. "And don't bother pretending like you don't know what I'm talking about."

Minerva fell silent for several moments before blinking and softly clearing her throat. "Did Isabella tell you?" she asked softly.

"No, _Cullen_ told me when he forced his way into my room tonight after pounding on my door," Varric answered tersely.

Minerva blinked. "Why would he do that?" she asked softly in genuine confusion.

"Because he claims the two of you are connected through the Fade, and that you were in dire need of help because he felt that you were in a great deal of pain and distress," Varric answered. "But seeing as how you're standing and walking, I'm going to say that he's insane…all the more reason you should end things with him. There's no telling _what_ he might do to you."

Minerva was quiet for a few moments again. "But Varric…Cullen was telling the truth. I _was_ in great pain and distress," she said softly while motioning to her robes.

It was at that moment that Varric finally noticed the ripped and bloodied state of Minerva's robes, and his eyes widened as the color drained from his face. "Shit…Minerva what happened?"

"I…I almost died," Minerva answered softly. "I think I actually _did _die…or at least, was _very _close. I was attacked and overpowered…if it hadn't been for Anders healing me, I wouldn't be here talking to you right now." She sighed softly and lightly rubbed her forehead. "Our connection is no doubt stronger when we're either sleeping or under extreme duress…and thereby less able to concentrate on maintaining our mental barriers…"

Varric sighed and gently took Minerva's smaller hand in his own and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry for being so rough with you just now," he apologized sincerely. "But in all honesty, Minerva…_what_ are you thinking? I mean…why _him_?"

Minerva sighed softly. "Because neither he nor I can help ourselves," she answered with the smallest of shrugs. "I know that's not much of an explanation, and that ours is hardly a practical union, but…love _isn't _practical. Our souls _are_ connected through the Fade, Varric…we can't fight the sheer _need_ to be together. We dream the _exact_ same dreams, and they are so _very_ real. I love him _so_ much…I only know true peace when I'm in his arms…" Exhausted as she was, Minerva's defenses were lowered and she was able to feel Cullen's distress beating against her—the strength of it making her gasp and press a hand to her heart as her eyes widened. "Merciful Maker…Varric…please, _please_ take me to him," she pleaded as tears streamed down her cheeks. "He _needs_ me…!"

Varric sighed and gave a small shake of his head and began leading the way to the Hanged Man. "I'm not going to pretend I understand…but he had _better_ be a whirlwind beneath the sheets if you're going to risk so much to be with him."

"Varric…I'm a virgin, remember?" Minerva reminded softly as her face became the same color as her hair.

Varric stopped dead in his tracks and blinked. "Oh, yeah…that's right. Dare I ask why?" he asked as he resumed walking.

"Because it was never about…_that_," Minerva answered softly. "Yes…the desire was certainly there, but…it just didn't seem all that important compared to simply being together."

"No offense, Hawke, but I'm calling bullshit on that," Varric replied.

Minerva blinked. "What? Why?"

"Because after all the times you damn near died between the expedition and tonight, I'd say it's time to stop putting it off," Varric answered simply. "So you _don't_ die a virgin…like you said you wouldn't while we were battling the rock wraith," he added.

Minerva cleared her throat a little. "But Isabella's not…"

"Forget about Isabella," Varric interjected. "You can use _my_ room."

Minerva balked. "No, Varric…I can't let you do that."

"Why not?" Varric asked simply as he stopped and shifted so he was blocking Minerva's path. "Look, Hawke…for whatever reason, you decided to keep this all from me-"

"I had no intention of letting Isabella know _either_," Minerva interjected. "If she hadn't have followed me and seen Cullen and I together in that Hightown alley, she would be none the wiser."

"Fine, whatever," Varric said as he held up his hands. "The point is that I _do_ know now, and I can't in good conscience turn my back on you. You're my friend…and while I don't understand whatever hold you and Cullen seem to have on each other, I _do_ understand that it's important to both of you." He gave Minerva a small smile. "Please…let me help you."

Minerva's blush returned, but she smiled softly down at her friend. "Take me to him," she said simply.

Nodding, Varric turned and continued the rest of the way to the tavern. Neither he nor Minerva said another word all the while they entered and made their way to his room, and the pair had just barely stepped through the door before Cullen all but pounced on Minerva and gathered her into his strong arms and held her tightly.

"Beloved!" Cullen captured Minerva's lips in a deep, heated kiss before burning his face deeply into her crimson tresses and breathing in her sent. "Minerva, my love…!" His lips found hers again, but this time the kiss was slower and gentler. "My dearest love…" he murmured after slowly breaking the kiss and then tenderly kissing Minerva's forehead, eyelids and nose before dropping to his knees and wrapping his arms around her waist and nuzzling into her belly. "_Never_ leave me like that again," he entreated as he tilted his face up towards Minerva—not bothering to hide the tears that streaked down his cheeks.

Minerva's bottom lip trembled as tears of her own rolled down her cheeks, and she lovingly caressed Cullen's face and hair. "_Never_," she whispered emphatically. "I swear it on my life."

Varric softly cleared his throat. "I'll uh…I'll just leave the two of you alone," he said with a smile before opening the door and slipping out into the hall before closing the door behind him.

However, neither Minerva nor Cullen paid him any heed.

Save for the two of them, nothing else existed in that moment.

Slowly standing—his gaze never once leaving Minerva's—Cullen lifted his beloved mage into his arms and slowly carried her to the low, heavy bed. "I was in agony the entire time you were gone…why did you stop coming to me in my dreams?" he asked earnestly as he carefully sat on the edge of the bed with Minerva in his lap. "I wouldn't have cared if we simply sat and talked during our dreams…_all_ I wanted was to know that you were alive."

Minerva slid her arms around Cullen's neck and kissed him tenderly. "I never came to you, my love, because I could never sleep deeply enough to enter the Fade," she answered softly after breaking the kiss. "_All_ I wanted to do was contact you…to let you know I was still alive…but the constant threat of darkspawn, dragons and…" Minerva shuddered and shrank into Cullen. "…and _massive_ spiders prevented me from being in anything but alert of my surroundings…"

Cullen cupped Minerva's cheek. "I felt your terror," he said softly. "I felt it as though it were my own…it was _so_ crippling…I felt so helpless and I _hated _it." He rested his forehead against hers. "I _hated_ feeling your paralyzing fear and knowing you were in danger…yet remaining completely helpless to protect you." His breath hitched in his throat a little. "And then tonight…Maker, it felt as though my heart was physically rent in two…I felt for certain that I had lost you."

"For a moment, you _did_," Minerva answered softly. "If it hadn't been for the aid of a _very_ dear friend of mine…I would not be here with you at this moment."

Cullen's arms tightened around Minerva. "I tried reaching out through you…to reach you through our connection, but I couldn't," Cullen said with an undertone of helplessness. "I tried so _very_ hard…"

Minerva moved her hands so they lovingly cupped Cullen's face. "I am a mage, Cullen…I've had an entire lifetime of building and strengthening my mental defenses to keep myself safe from demonic influence and possession. Because of your inexperience, your attempts to reach me would have fallen short." She rested her forehead against his. "In the future, I'll be more careful and guarded against letting my distress reach you."

"Could you not simply teach me how to use out connection so that I may reach you, my love?" Cullen asked earnestly.

Minerva gave a small shake of her head. "If you were a mage, then yes I _could_ because you would be innately open to it, but you're _not_. The simple fact that you're a Templar hinders you even more because of all your training." She kissed him tenderly. "But the fact that you're willing to try makes me love you all the more," she murmured against Cullen's lips with a smile.

"Beloved…I…" Cullen closed his eyes and slowly let out a breath. "Please don't think any less of me or believe that I've only ever thought about _one_ thing while you were away, but…" He slowly opened his eyes and gazed deeply into Minerva's. "I…I can't wait any longer…_especially_ not after what happened tonight," he said earnestly.

Minerva kissed Cullen fervently and shifted so she was straddling him. "I don't want to wait anymore," she murmured against her beloved's lips. "I _want_ you Cullen. I _need_ you, Cullen." She kissed him again. "Please, _please_ take me and make me wholly yours at last."

Cullen responded by kissing Minerva deeply as his strong hands made quick work of pulling the robes from his love's body. He blinked however and tilted his head to the side in confusion when Minerva broke the kiss and suddenly looked very self conscious. "What is it, my love? What's wrong?"

Minerva blushed a little. "I can't imagine how horrible I must look right now," she said sheepishly. With all that had happened that night, she never _did_ get the chance to have a proper bath.

Cullen smiled lovingly and gazed into Minerva's eyes. "Is _that_ all?" he asked softly while moving his hands up to gently cup her face. "Minerva Hawke…love and light of my life, whether you are young or old, clothed in dirty rags or the finest silks…to me, you will _always_ be the most beautiful woman in Thedas. _You _brought me to life. _You_ complete me in ways I never imagined were possible, and I will _never_ stop either loving or wanting you."

"Oh, Cullen…" Minerva murmured with a smile before kissing her Templar deeply—her nerves and apprehension leaving her completely.

* * *

_…Varric's table; a little later…_

"Well as I live and breathe. Varric, when did you get back?"

Varric looked up from his pint and gave a small grin. "Just today, Rivaini," he answered while motioning to the seat in front of him. "Join me?"

Isabella grinned and turned the chair before straddling it. "Don't need to ask me twice," she said while motioning to Nora. "Just got back from sea, and I would _love _a drink that wasn't mostly salt water," she added with a chuckle. "Did Hawke make it back?" she asked.

"By the skin of her teeth," Varric answered. "We all did."

"Where is she?" Isabella asked while looking around the tavern. "Probably at home sleeping, no doubt…and while we're on the subject, why aren't _you_ up in your room sleeping? Figured you'd be exhausted," she added while taking up the pint Nora had just brought to her.

"I can answer both those questions with one answer," Varric replied while looking to Isabella pointedly once Nora had left them. "Hawke is upstairs in _my_ room…with Cullen."

Isabella spat out the mouthful of ale she had just taken.

"Surprising huh?" Varric asked with raised eyebrows as he sat back in his seat. "Yeah, I was pretty surprised too. Just imagine _my_ surprise when the male half of that couple came pounding on my door tonight because Minerva was in danger and he didn't know where to find her…and _you_ were nowhere to be found."

Isabella wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry, _what_?"

"Oh, I'll come back to _that_ in a little bit," Varric said dismissively. "But let's get back to the fact that you were enabling Hawke in a relationship that could've very easily been her end."

Isabella sighed heavily and let her head fall onto the back of her chair with a small thud before resting her chin on her arms and looking at Varric tiredly—relief evident on her face at finally being able to talk to him about the subject. "You think I didn't know that?" she asked. "Maker, Varric…the second I suspected that there was more to their relationship than the sex they never had, I kept trying to talk Hawke out of it. But that girl…there was no reasoning with her." She sat up so she could take another drink from her pint.

"You could've denied them your room," Varric said simply.

Isabella raised an eyebrow while swallowing. "And have them get caught by someone less understanding?" she asked. "At least with them spending time in my room, I could keep an eye on them and control the situation." She blinked and narrowed her eyes. "And _how_ is that any different from what _you're_ doing?"

Varric held up a hand. "Rivaini, Hawke nearly died tonight…I figured if _anyone_ deserved a chance for sex, _she_ did…and after seeing the two of them together…" He sighed softly and ran his hand over his hair. "I just couldn't bring myself to keep them apart."

Isabella sighed and smiled wryly as she leaned back in her chair. "Not so easy is it?"

"No it's _not_," Varric answered with a small shake of his head before taking a long sip from his pint. "It'd be like kicking a puppy."

"It almost _is_ like watching a pair of puppies with the way they stumble around each other," Isabella retorted with a soft chuckle. "I can't deny that it's adorable though…" She took another sip of her ale. "…or that I'm grateful that _you_ know now. Running interference for those two was no easy feat by myself," she said with a sigh.

"No one else knows?" Varric asked.

Isabella shook her head slowly. "Merrill and Aveline know that Hawke is involved with a Templar, but they don't know _who_."

"Fenris doesn't know either," Varric said. "And I don't think I have to tell you that it is _vital_ that Anders _never_ finds out."

Isabella slowly let out a breath. "You don't need to tell me twice."

Varric chuckled softly before sighing. "You know…my knee-jerk reaction is to run up there and put an end to it. I mean, it would make perfect sense for me to do that…_she's_ an apostate and _he's_ a Templar. But…I can feel it in my gut that Cullen wouldn't hurt her…_especially_ not after how panicked and distraught he was tonight."

"So what exactly _did_ happen tonight?"Isabella asked.

Varric motioned for Nora. "We're going to need another round for that."

* * *

_…Varric's room…_

The first time had been brief and awkward. Cullen had been mortified that he had climaxed so quickly while Minerva had been left wanting, but he had simply been unprepared for just how wet, warm and tight his lover's intimate sheathe would be around his inexperienced length once he had pushed past the thin barrier that kept his beloved's innocence intact. Minerva however, had assured him with a gentle smile and a soft blush while slowly caressing his back as he lay atop her that Isabella had told her during one of their many conversations that men never lasted long during their first time. Her tender kisses and soft, loving words of encouragement in the face of the discomfort her inexperienced body felt at his invasion made Cullen's heart melt and his length grew hard once more while it was still buried within her.

The second time had been better, though still a little awkward. While Minerva had become more accustomed to having Cullen buried so deeply within her, and Cullen had lasted much longer, the two of them were still inexperienced and overly excited. It took them the entirety of the second time to finally find a rhythm and a pace in which they both could experience their building pleasure before falling over the edge of the abyss seconds of each other.

This third time however, was amazing.

Having been lying beside Minerva as they both rested and caught their breaths, Cullen had been pleasantly taken by surprise when his forbidden lover sat up before climbing on top of him and straddling him. The sight of Minerva so flushed and glowing with her crimson locks so disheveled as they fell over her shoulders and graced the tops of her round, full breasts was the most erotic sight Cullen had ever seen. Not even in his fantasies could he have captured the way Minerva's emerald eyes darkened in wanton desire, and the reality that it was _he_ who had driven his beautiful lover into such a state caused Cullen's length to stand tall and proud as it hardened yet again. Minerva had shivered and gasped in aroused delight as her beloved's length shifted and brushed against her before raising her hips only to lower them upon her lover's pelvis—taking Cullen's thick, throbbing length into her inch by painstaking inch.

Which put them in their current position.

Keeping Cullen deeply embedded within her as she rode him slowly, Minerva trailed her fingers down her lover's sculpted chest and stomach and back arched her back as her head fell back with a wordless whimper of pleasure. Gone completely was the discomfort of being so stretched and filled by her beloved Templar, and in its place was a feeling of true completion as well as the greatest pleasure that only continued to grow.

As much as Cullen had loved the closeness that being so intimately face to face with Minerva as a result of her being pinned beneath him—a position that readily allowed Cullen to kiss, nuzzle and nibble his lover while murmuring loving words into her ear—he could not deny just how arousing the sight of Minerva riding him was…

How it afforded him the perfect view of her flushed skin and the sight of her perfect breasts bouncing with every move she made. But that view was nothing compared to the one Cullen was rewarded with when he moved his adoring gaze downward. Cullen's heart stilled before racing excitedly in his chest as he watched his length sliding in and out of Minerva's core, and the pleasured groan that escaped him was instantly followed by a deep growl of arousal. The visual evidence of their physical connection awakened within Cullen the driving need to deliver as much pleasure to his beloved as he possibly could, and the last of his inhibitions vanished as instinct took over. Propping himself up on one elbow, Cullen wrapped his free arm around Minerva's waist and held her down against his thrusts as he hardened them and leaned in to trace his tongue around her right nipple before suckling it into his mouth.

Minerva's eyes widened and she gasped before crying out softly in delight. "Cullen…" she whimpered while leaning forward and cradling her lover's head against her breast. Her eyes fluttering closed, Minerva arched her back and moaned in ecstasy as this slight change in position caused Cullen's length to brush against something deep within her that sent a spark of near euphoria shooting through her like a bolt of lightning. "Oh, sweet Maker…Cullen…!" she whispered breathlessly as her Templar released her nipple only to subject her left one to the same, delicious torture.

Cullen could feel Minerva's inner walls quivering around his aching length, and he knew his beloved was just as close to release as _he_ was. But this time, he wanted the both of them to reach that euphoria together—to be gazing deeply into each other's eyes as their intertwined bodies shuddered together in joint release. He released Minerva's nipple and kissed his way up the valley between her breasts and up her elegant throat as he sat fully up and now wrapped both arms tightly around her so he could press her soft, perfect body against his while he continued thrusting into her with deep strokes. He gave Minerva's chin the smallest of nips before resting his forehead against hers and gazing into her eyes. "Minerva…_my_ Minerva…" he breathed huskily with an underlying growl as his hands moved down to grip his lover's hips. "Look at me."

Minerva's eyes fluttered open and as her gaze met Cullen's, a shiver ran through her at the stark, raw passion in his warm eyes. "Cullen…!" she whispered frantically as she clung to him. "Kiss me…!" Her scream of release was swallowed by Cullen's hungry kiss just as his roar was swallowed by hers, and she actually felt her beloved Templar explode and spill his seed within her as her inner walls clenched around his length frantically and milked him of his seed.

Cullen did not stop thrusting until he had emptied himself completely into Minerva's waiting womb, and even then he continued with a slow, lazy rocking of his hips as he held his trembling beloved while they slowly came down from their euphoric high. He lost track of how long they stayed like that, but Cullen simply did not care.

Not even time mattered in this moment.

All that mattered to Cullen was that Minerva was alive in his arms, and that they had just shared something so beautiful that there were no words that could adequately describe it. Breaking the kiss so he could lovingly nuzzle Minerva's temple, Cullen slowly lowered himself onto his back once more and cradled his beloved in his arms as she came to rest on top of him—smiling as they both became wrapped in a cocoon of comfortable silence.

Then…

"I feel like I should say something," Cullen said softly while nuzzling Minerva's hair. "This was such a monumental step for _both_ of us…a step _so_ meaningful and important that it will remain forever emblazoned in my memory…it just feels as though something of equal importance should be said…" He sighed and nuzzled Minerva's hair again. "But everything that I manage to think of falls hopelessly short."

Minerva smiled and lovingly kissed Cullen's still racing pulse before she raised her head and gazed down at her beloved. "Sometimes, no words are necessary, my love." She tenderly kissed Cullen's lips.

Cullen smiled into the kiss and slowly shifted the both of them so they were facing each other on their sides. "Some words _are_ necessary," he murmured before kissing Minerva again. "I love you," he whispered fervently.

Minerva's heart fluttered and she raised a hand to gently cup Cullen's cheek. "I love _you_," she whispered in reply.

"I didn't hurt you too badly, did I?" Cullen asked—all his nerves and worries from before returning.

Minerva lightly brushed her thumb over where it rested. "Only a little in the beginning, my love…it's an unavoidable thing for women during their deflowering," she said with a soft chuckle.

"It doesn't make me feel any less guilty for hurting you," Cullen murmured softly before brushing a kiss to Minerva's forehead.

Minerva's smile remained. "I would gladly endure it again and again," she said in a soft but earnest voice. "And each time would be wonderful because it would be with _you_."

Cullen's heart fluttered and he lightly rubbed his nose against Minerva's before softly kissing her lips. "Minerva…_my_ Minerva…the Maker truly smiled when he imagined you."

Minerva softly kissed Cullen's lips before resting her forehead against his. "And the Maker was undoubtedly filled with great pride when he imagined _you_, my magnificent Cullen," she murmured before kissing her Templar again.

Both broke the kiss and tensed when a soft knock sounded at the door before the telltale sound of it slowly creaking open reached their ears. But they relaxed when Varric's voice floated in.

"Uh, guys?" Varric greeted softly. "I hate to interrupt, but…the night is waning. If you wait any longer, it might be harder to sneak back to your respective parts of the city."

Minerva sighed softly and nestled into Cullen—clinging to him for as much time as she had left. "Thank you, Varric…we'll be right out."

"I'll be right outside the door to help lover-boy sneak his way back home," Varric replied before closing the door.

Cullen sighed before reluctantly pulling out of Minerva. "I wish I didn't have to leave," he said softly while gazing into his beloved's eyes. "I actually _hate_ having to leave you after what we just did."

Minerva felt bereft the moment Cullen withdrew from her, and it reflected upon her face as she pouted sadly. However, she regained her composure and managed a small smile. "I know, beloved…but we'll see each other again soon," she said encouragingly.

"When?" Cullen asked earnestly. "And not because I want to make love to you again…although as much as I would enjoy that, it's not the only reason I'm anxious…" he stammered.

Minerva smiled and giggled softly while kissing the tip of Cullen's nose. "I know," she said softly.

"It's just…after having you gone from me for so long…I can't stand the idea of being apart from you again for any length of time," Cullen said as he cupped Minerva's cheek.

"Cullen, I _know_," Minerva said gently with a smile before kissing him softly. "You don't have to explain yourself to me." She frowned thoughtfully while pulling away and sitting up. "Give me a few days…a week at most," she said after a few moments.

"Is something wrong?" Cullen asked worriedly as he reached for his smallclothes where they had landed at the foot of the bed.

"Everything is going to be just fine," Minerva assured with a smile as she reached for her breast bindings and smallclothes before slipping them on. That done, she crawled over to Cullen and kissed his lips softly. "Trust me."

* * *

_…Merrill's home; later…_

Upon hearing a knock at her door, Merrill looked up from the large tome she was studying and gazed at the door with guarded curiosity. It was a very rare thing for anyone to knock upon her door, so she was both excited and wary. Slowly standing, she silently padded over to the door and lightly touched her fingers to the heavy wood. "Who is it?"

"It's Hawke, Merrill."

Smiling excitedly at hearing her friend's voice after having missed it for what seemed like ages, she unlocked the door and threw it open. "Hawke! You're back! Come in, come in!" she said excitedly while motioning for her fellow apostate to enter. "Thank the Creators you returned safely. I prayed to them daily for you to come home safely." She hugged the tall red head.

Minerva smiled and hugged the delicate elf in return. "It's good to be back and it's wonderful to see you, my friend."

"How did it go?" Merrill asked while pulling away and leading Minerva towards the table and chairs against the far side of the room. "Sit down, sit down and tell me everything."

Minerva chuckled softly at her friend's enthusiasm. "I _will_, but first…Merrill? I need to ask you something."

"Of course, what is it?" Merrill asked as she turned to face her friend.

"Would it be alright if I stayed here a few days?" Minerva asked softly—her face becoming serious. "Things at my uncle's home are…_tense_, to say the least. I'd rather _not_ stay there."

Merrill blinked then smiled gently while hugging Minerva. "Of _course_ you can stay here. You'd be _most_ welcome."

Minerva smiled and sighed softly in relief as she hugged her friend back. "Thank you…and if it's not too much trouble…could I possibly have a bath?" she asked sheepishly. "I haven't been able to find a moment in which to have one sine entering the city, and well…I _really_ need one." While she was loathed to wash away the smell of Cullen as it clung to her like a second skin, Minerva was desperate to wash away any lingering evidence of the Deep Roads as well as tonight's brush with death.

"Of course," Merrill said with a nod. "You sit right here and I'll get the bath ready for you."

"Oh, please don't trouble yourself," Minerva said with a wave of her hand. "You're already doing so much for me. _I _can manage preparing my bath."

"Nonsense," Merrill said while hurrying off before Minerva could stop her. "You sit and rest, you're exhausted."

Smiling and giving a small but fond shake of her head, Minerva sat in one of the chairs with a sigh—wincing just a little as she gingerly pressed a hand to her lower abdomen. Isabella warned her that night after Varric had escorted Cullen away—_after _giving her a good-natured teasing of course—that she would be tender if not sore for a day or so, so she was not too worried by the discomfort. She realized that she could have gone to Anders for a quick healing, but Minerva simply could not bring herself to do it. The soreness was a physical reminder of what she and Cullen had shared that night, and Minerva was determined to hold onto it for as long as possible.


	19. Chapter 18

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys truly keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters or snippets of diologue pertaining directly to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

* * *

_…The Hanged Man; the next day…_

"Varric, I need you to do a favor for me," Minerva said as she sat across from the dwarf at his usual table. "I know it's brazen of me to ask anything of you after all you did last night, but I really _do_ need your help."

"Anything, Hawke," Varric replied while raising his pint. "What do you need? Can I get you a drink?"

"No thank you, I'm fine, but…do you remember the house here in Lowtown where we dealt with the then Sister Petrice? When she had us escort Serebas out of the city?"

Varric raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, why?" He took a sip of his drink.

"I believe it's still vacant," Minerva said. "But I don't know the first thing about buying property in this city, so I need your help in the process…and in ensuring that the process remains discrete. I've got the money for it of course, but I'm trying to keep a low profile…"

"Dare I ask why you want the place?" Varric asked as he placed his pint on the table with a soft thunk.

Minerva smiled sheepishly. "Cullen and I can't keep using Isabella's room…or _yours_ for that matter…though I must admit that your bed was extremely comfortable," she said softly. "And to tell you the truth, I can't go back to my uncle's house." She sighed. "My mother and I had a falling out yesterday after she blamed me for Carver's actions…so I basically cut all ties with her."

Varric blinked. "Care to run that by me again?

Minerva sighed tiredly before recounting the events surrounding her mother and Carver.

Varric was silent for several moments before sighing heavily and giving a small shake of his head. "Shit…and after everything you went through in the Deep Roads, I figured you would've had a happy family reunion. Figured even Carver would've swallowed his wounded pride about being left behind and find it in him to be happy to see you back alive and in one piece." He looked at Minerva in disbelief. "Your mother didn't even ask you if you were injured?"

"Not _once_ did she ask me how I was or even hug me," Minerva answered with an undertone of bitterness.

Varric reached across the table and gave Minerva's hand a small squeeze and then a light pat. "I'll help you buy the place Hawke…make sure all the paperwork is done right."

"Thank you, Varric," Minerva said with a smile. "Merrill is letting me stay with her for a few days, and she seems perfectly content to let me stay longer, but I don't want to inconvenience her for too long."

"May I ask why you want the place in Lowtown?" Varric asked. "Why not get a place in Hightown? It's not like you don't have the gold for it." He flashed her a conspiring grin. "_Especially_ one I've finished organizing a search party to go in and gather all the treasure we couldn't bring back with us this first time around. It'll take a while, but we'll be more than comfortable for the rest of our lives one it's all been brought up to the surface.

"Because _I_ never came from money in the first place, Varric. Money and fortune don't matter to me because I never had it until now…and for the first time in my life, I don't have anyone to take care of. Bethany is dead, Carver joined the Templars, and mother is well on her way to regaining her old life. All _I_ want is a chance to finally live my own life for myself, and by living a simple life I'll have a better chance of slipping through the cracks and escaping notice. I don't _need _a mansion just for myself, and with the money I have, I can fix that hovel up nicely to make it both a comfortable home for myself as well as a safe love nest for Cullen and me." Minerva sighed then gave a small shrug. "Besides…if things _do _get bad with Knight-Commander Meredith, then I'll be able to make good use of the trap door and have a quick way to secretly leave the city…as will Merrill and Anders should the Templars come looking for_ them_."

"Point taken," Varric said with a nod before smiling at his friend. "Consider it done…and don't worry, discretion is my way of doing things."

Minerva smiled. "Thank you, Varric…you really _are_ a true and trusted friend."

Varric chuckled and gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "I know." He fell silent then cleared his throat. "So, Hawke…how're you doing?"

"You mean in general?" Minerva asked.

"No, I mean…with Carver joining the Templars, and now this rift between you and your mother," Varric clarified. "Add to that, your near death last night followed by your…" He softly cleared his throat. "…_officially_ becoming a woman, congratulations on that by the way, you've been through the emotional wringer. So, I'll ask again…how're you doing?" he asked in a pointed but gentle voice.

Minerva sighed softly and slumped in her chair just a little. "I'm…_conflicted_…yes, I think that about sums it up," she answered. "I feel betrayed and frightened by Carver's decision…yet a small part of me feels as though he won't tell Meredith about me…emphasis being on the word _small_ since Carver can't always control what words spew forth from his mouth."

Varric chuckled softly. "That's true…but I'm pretty sure you can count on your lover-boy to keep your brother in line," he said with a raised brow.

Minerva gave the dwarf a small, tired smile. "He's already got his hands full with keeping Meredith and the other Templars off my back. I can't in good conscience ask him to watch over my brother as well."

Varric smiled softly. "You might not have to. From what I saw last night, that man of yours is ready and willing to do anything for you if it means keeping you safe." He gave a small shake of his head in disbelief as he recalled the panicked state in which the holy knight had appeared on his doorstep. "Andraste's ass, he risked so much exposure coming to me the way he did…"

Minerva's smile grew a little. "You sound like you've come to approve of my choice…or that you at _least_ don't disapprove as much as you did last night."

Varric sighed. "Like I said last night, I'm not going to pretend to understand the relationship between the two of you or how exactly it works, but…what I _do_ understand is that the two of you are in love. Not in _lust_…in _love_. The look on that man's face last night when he came to me for help…I never knew it was possible for a grown man to look so distraught. If he felt anything for you other than _love_, then he wouldn't have risked exposing himself like that." Another soft sigh escaped him. "And then the way he threw himself at you when you walked in through the door…clinging to you like you would've been ripped from him at any second…there's no doubt in my mind just how much that man deeply loves and cares for you."

Minerva's smile never wavered. "While I already knew that in my heart of hearts…it's an added assurance to hear you say it." She sighed softly. "I don't fully understand how Cullen and I came to be what we are either, but what I _do _understand is how I feel whenever he and I are together…and that is _happy_. We might never have the easy sort of relationship that more 'normal' couples have, and we might never have the life I've always dreamed of having with the man I love…of living together in wedded bliss with a child or two, but at least we'll have each other. For all our differences and reasons why we _shouldn't _be together, I _know _that Cullen loves me, and that love is all I need."

"It's more than what other people can claim to have," Varric said with a small chuckle. "For what it's worth, I'll be pulling for the two of you. If anyone deserves some happiness in their life it's _you_, Hawke."

Minerva's smile grew and she reached across the table to give Varric's hand a squeeze. "You have no idea how much that means to me, my friend."

Smiling, Varric patted Minerva's hand with his free hand before sitting back in his chair and then standing. "Come on, Hawke…let's go make you a homeowner."

* * *

_…Minerva's home; a few hours later…_

"Thank you so much for helping me, Merrill," Minerva said with a smile to the delicate elf who was busying herself with sweeping the bedroom. "Though it really wasn't necessary," she added while resuming her sweeping of the main room.

"Of course it's necessary," Merrill's voice floated out from the bedroom. "We can't have you living under all these layers of dust, now can we?" She poked her head out of the room. "Incidentally, have you done something different?"

Minerva blinked in confusion and paused in her sweeping once more as she looked to her friend. "How do you mean?"

"There's something different about you," Merrill mused. "I can't put my finger on it, but in spite of your falling out with your mother and nearly dying…you've got a radiant sort of glow about you."

"That's because Hawke is _officially_ a woman now, Kitten," Isabella drawled as she leaned in through the window Minerva had left open to help air the mustiness out of the house.

Minerva whirled around to face the pirate, and a blush rose into her cheeks. "Isabella," she hissed.

Isabella grinned and giggled. "What's wrong Sweet Hawke? Ashamed of your recent conquest?"

"No, I most certainly am _not_, but would you _please_ not talk about it outside where everyone can hear you?" she pleaded while motioning for Isabella to enter.

Isabella sighed and rolled her eyes, though she grinned. "Alright, alright," she said before climbing in the window.

"You _do_ realize that the door is not even three feet away?" Minerva asked dryly. "Why didn't you just use it?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Isabella asked with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Now then, Hawke, we didn't get that much time to chat last night. So…tell me _everything_."

The color drained from Minerva's face a little. "E…everything?"

"_Everything_," Isabella affirmed with a nod. "It's all part of the rite of passage," she added with a grin. "Sex followed by girl-talk. _Everyone_ knows that."

Minerva blinked and looked to Merrill. "Merrill, did _you_ know that?"

"Merrill's eyes were wide as she shook her head. "No, I had no idea."

"That's hardly surprising, Kitten," Isabella said with a fond smile before looking back at Hawke. "And don't _you _change the subject."

Minerva's blush deepened and she resumed her sweeping with a vengeance. "I have cleaning to do."

Isabella snatched the broom away from Minerva and hid it behind her back. "You'll get this back once you've shared something," she said with a cheeky grin.

Minerva heaved a martyred sigh. "_Fine_…what will earn me my broom back?" she asked while placing her hands on her hips.

"Well, you can start by saying how it was," Isabella prompted while sitting in one of the chairs—after briefly dusting it with her hand of course. "Come on, Kitten," she urged while waving for Merrill to join her.

Giggling softly, Merrill scurried over to the chair and sat on the floor by Isabella's feet before looking up at Minerva with an almost child-like eagerness.

Minerva sighed and hung her head a little while giving a small shake of her head. "My captive audience…" she muttered under her breath while leaning backwards against a nearby table. "Alright…well, the first time was awkward just like you said it would be…though it didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would." Though her cheeks were still pink, she nevertheless smiled a little. "The second time was better, and the third time—"

"_Third_ time?" Isabella asked in genuine surprise. "He had it in him to go three times his first time out of the gate?" She grinned. "A tip of the hat to you, sweet Hawke. Who would've thought that Templar would've had it in him?"

Merrill's eyes widened. "Hawke…you _didn't_…!"

"Oh, she most certainly _did_, Kitten," Isabella said with a grin. "Hawke and a _Templar_ deflowered each other."

Minerva's blush deepened a little but she set her jaw. "He's not just a Templar, Isabella…he's _my _Templar. In any case, the third time was…well, it was _perfect_," she said with a faraway smile. "It was _beyond_ perfect actually…it was _beautiful…_the most beautiful moment of my entire life."

Isabella regarded Minerva for a few moments. "_Your_ Templar?"

"Yes," Minerva answered. "_He_ is _my_ Templar just as I am _his_ mage."

"But, Hawke…Minerva…aren't you afraid of the danger?" Merrill asked softly. "I might not understand all the nuances of humans and their ways, but I _do _understand that this is far from an ideal match. He's a Templar…and you've put him in an incredible position of power."

Minerva was silent for several moments before simply smiling—everything about her manner the epitome of peace. "There is no danger with him, Merrill. _All_ there is…_all_ that I feel with him is safe, loved…_complete_." Closing the distance between her and her two friends, she knelt in front of Merrill and lightly touched her fingertips to her cheek. "He and I…we _belong_ together. There's no other way to explain it. Our souls are connected through the Fade."

Isabella sighed and rolled her eyes while crossing her arms under her ample bosom. "That's all very lovely and flowery, Hawke, but _what_ exactly does _that_ mean?"

"It means…it means they are _one_," Merrill said softly in awe. "While they are of two bodies and minds, their souls are incomplete and lost without the other. I've read of such things but…I never actually believed that it could happen. It's very rare…" She sighed softly and gave Minerva a small smile. "I can understand now _why_ you can't keep away from him. So…who is he?"

Minerva sighed and hung her head a little while sitting back on her heels. "I really shouldn't tell you, Merrill…the less people who know, the safer we'll _all _be."

Merrill sighed and pouted. "I suppose I can understand that."

"And don't worry, I won't tell him about you," Minerva assured.

"I never thought you _would_," Merrill said with a small smile before her eyes widened. 'Oh, dear…Anders doesn't know, does he?"

"Are mad, Kitten?" Isabella asked with a laugh.

"He knows that I'm involved with another…but he doesn't know _who_ which means that he also doesn't know of his profession…and I'd much rather it stayed that way, Merrill," Minerva said earnestly.

Merrill smiled sweetly and patted Minerva's shoulder. "He won't hear about it from me, Hawke."

"Thank you," Minerva said with a sigh of relief. "Now then…shall we get back to cleaning?"

"Not so fast," Isabella said.

"Oh, Maker's sake," Minerva breathed in exasperation. "_Now_ what?"

"How was his…_equipment_?" Isabella asked.

Minerva blinked. "His _what_?" she asked in confusion.

"You know…" Isabella prompted with a lecherous grin. "His _sword_."

Minerva's jaw dropped and a vibrant shade of pink began rising in her cheeks. "I am _not_ answering that."

"One can only assume that he keeps his sword is pristine condition and knows how to use it very well," Merrill said—completely oblivious.

Isabella threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, Kitten…one can only _hope_ so! Wouldn't you agree, Hawke?" she asked with a cheeky grin which only grew when Minerva's face became the same shade of crimson as her hair.

Merrill looked back and forth between the two women. "Oh…did I miss something dirty again?" she asked innocently.

* * *

_…Cullen's quarters; several hours later…_

Lying on his back with his arms folded under his head, Cullen sighed softly and simply gazed up at the ceiling with a peaceful smile upon his lips as he thought about Minerva—replaying in his mind again and again what they had shared the night before. For however long he had left on this world…no matter how many times he and Minerva would make love during the course of their secret relationship, he knew that he would _never _forget a single detail of their first night together.

Cullen would never forget how Minerva had been both demure and wanton at the same time—nervous about her first time, and yet so very eager to take the step that would bind them closer together. He would never forget the shared smiles and soft laughter as the two of them eagerly and nervously explored the parts of each other that no other hands had ever touched. He would always remember every pleasured gasp, moan and whimper that escaped Minerva once her body had adjusted to his and chased away any discomfort of his invasion. He would never forget the first time Minerva had climaxed…how tightly her inner walls had gripped his length or how flushed and glowing her beautiful body had grown.

And Cullen would _never_ forget how it had felt to tell Minerva how deeply he loved her while he was still deep inside of her…how it had turned the intimacy of their lovemaking into something more.

It would be difficult waiting an entire week before seeing Minerva again, but Cullen knew that he would persevere. Simply being able to _see_ her move about the city instead of wondering _when_ and _if _she would ever return from some dangerous expedition would make the seven days in which they were apart more bearable. Knowing that _he_ would actively have a hand in keeping his forbidden beloved safe and hidden from Meredith's searching gaze…that he would _finally_ be able to protect her in a way that he could not while she was away gave Cullen a sense of peace.

Everything was alright now.

Minerva was home again. She was safe, and Cullen was able to ensure that she would stay that way.

Suddenly, Cullen was filled with a fire that seemed to radiate out from his heart, and warmed him from the inside out until he felt as though he were wrapped securely within a quilt. In that moment, he _knew _that Minerva was thinking of him at the same moment in which _he _was thinking of _her. _He allowed his eyes to flutter closed and he moved his hands so rest over his heart. "Oh, Minerva…_my_ Minerva…" he murmured with a blissful smile. "I love you too."

And with that, he allowed sleep to overtake him so he could meet his beloved in their dreams.


	20. Chapter 19

Thank you everyone who's reviewed! You guys truly keep me going! :)

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the characters or snippets of diologue pertaining directly to Dragon Age 2.

* * *

**Chapter 19**

* * *

_…A week later…_

"Hawke, are you sure about this?" Aveline asked.

"Hmm?" Minerva asked as she smoothed the simple, purple tablecloth on the sturdy table. "Sure about what? The tablecloth? I rather like it, actually."

"No, not the tablecloth," Aveline answered with a shake of her head. "I mean are you sure about _this_," she said while gesturing to the house around her. "Living on your own in Lowtown when you could live a much nicer life in Hightown? This falling out you had with your mother aside…there are not many people I know would _choose_ to stay in Lowtown when they had the choice _and_ the financial option of moving up in the world."

Minerva sighed softly. "I know it seems silly and odd, but…with the exception of you and Fenris, all my friends are _here_ in the poorer parts of Kirkwall. Varric, Isabella, Anders, Merrill…they're all here. Not to mention, in Lowtown, I have a better chance of falling between the cracks and avoiding the notice of Meredith. After all, the poor and the desperate far outnumber the wealthy and the privileged, so hiding will be easy. There's nothing for me in Hightown except attention that I don't want."

"There's your mother," Aveline said gently.

"She's made it abundantly clear that she prefers Carver's company and existance to mine," Minerva replied softly. "Why should I live with _that_ over my head when I could simply live a quiet life under my own roof surrounded by the people who have come to mean so much to me since I've met them?" She smiled fondly at her fellow Ferelden. "Aveline…you, Varric, Anders, Merrill, even Isabella and Fenris…_you_ are _all_ my family."

Aveline smiled softly as she watched Minerva arrange a bouquet of wildflowers in a small vase. "Where did those come from? I haven't seen them at any of the vendors."

"Merrill," Minerva answered with a smile. "She picked them outside the city…apparently there's a wild patch on the way to Sundermount. Of course _she_ would know about it," she said with a fond chuckle. "In any case, she thought they would give the place an added, homey touch."

"She wasn't wrong," the guard captain said before turning slowly and actually taking in her friend's new home for the first time. Every corner and floorboard was clean of all dust and residue, the entire space smelled fresh and well-aired, and while it was filled with furniture that was not as elaborate as the furniture one would find in a Hightown mansion, the pieces were nevertheless, comfortable and well built. the decor was simple and would be considered spartan by aristocratic standards, but Aveline thought the pieces brought the home together in a tastefully lovely way. "You've done wonders for this place, Hawke. From the outside, it might look like another Lowtown hovel, but inside it's very warm and inviting…it _feels_ like a home."

"I'm glad," Minerva said with a smile. "I'm glad the money I spent went to good use. Soon some night, we'll all have to get together for a meal. I'll cook, and Varric can regale us all with his many, _many_ stories. It'll be wonderful."

Aveline quirked an eyebrow. "You cook?"

Minerva chuckled softly and smiled. "My cooking skills might not be on par with those of the cooks in the palace or in the Hightown mansions, but I _am_ skilled if I _do_ say so myself."

Aveline chuckled and smiled. "Well, if it's any better than what they serve in the barracks, then you can count me in."

"Wonderful," Minerva said with a smile. "When it _does_ come time to start planning, I'll make certain to make it for one of your nights off. You will let me know if they change, won't you?"

Aveline nodded. "Of course. I'll even bring a bottle of wine."

Minerva's smile grew. "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

_…Templar Courtyard; later…_

"Knight-Captain Cullen," a young recruit panted. "Knight-Captain Cullen, I have a message for you," he said while handing a sealed letter to his commanding officer.

Cullen blinked and accepted the letter. "Thank you, Initiate Byrne. Dismissed. Wait…who gave this to you?"

"A woman in the Gallows courtyard, Ser," Byrne answered while motioning towards the heavy gate and slowly letting out a breath before his tongue quickly darted out and gave a nervous lick of his lips—trying to hide the arousal he obviously felt. "An exotic, dark-haired woman with a blue scarf tied to her head…"

_Isabella!_

Cullen had to fight the urge to grin and chuckle at the new recruit who was obviously trying so very hard _not_ to fantasize about the sultry, dusky-hued pirate captain. Byrne was not the first new recruit to get caught up in Isabella's shapely curves, and he would certainly not be the last. "Thank you, Byrne. Dismissed."

"I've never seen a woman with so many piercings ser…" Byrne said absently as he began turning away. "So _many_ piercings…"

Chuckling softly, Cullen did not wait until Byrne had left before making his way back into the barracks with the letter clutched tightly in his hand. Once he had reached his room, he closed the heavy door and leaned against the wooden surface while breaking the simple seal on the letter and opening it—his heart fluttering at the familiar sight of Minerva's handwriting.

_If you can get away tonight after your shift,  
__I will be eagerly waiting for you at the address  
__below, my love. If you can't get away, I will  
__understand. Just know that I love you either way.  
__Always._

_- M_

Sighing softly as he read over where to find the new location for his and Minerva's secret rendezvous, Cullen closed his eyes and clutched the letter to his heart. "I'll be there, my love," he whispered with a soft smile. "Nothing short of the Maker Himself could stop me."

* * *

_…Minerva's home; late that night…_

Dressed in a simple nightgown and curled up on the sofa in front of the fire, Minerva smiled serenely as she turned the page of the old tome that rested upon her lap, and for the first time in a long time, she felt completely at peace.

She had her independence.

She had her friends.

And she had the love of a good man.

Cullen…

Just the thought of her beloved filled Minerva with warmth that seemed to radiate out from her very heart. She had missed him so much this past week, and while she hoped and prayed to the Maker that he would come to her tonight, she was more than aware of the possibility that he would not. Minerva knew it was not easy for her unsanctioned beloved to sneak out and see her, which was why she was waiting for him so patiently instead of feeling annoyed that he had kept her waiting for so long. However, as she suppressed her fourth yawn in the past hour, Minerva knew that she would not be able to wait for much longer.

Sighing softly, Minerva closed her book and placed it aside before standing and stretching her arms over her head. "Next time, my love," she whispered before a soft knock at her door chased away her sleepiness and made her instantly alert. Making her way to the door, she opened the door enough for her to see outside, and she smiled widely when she saw Cullen's face smiling at her from under his hood. "Come in!" she whispered excitedly while opening the door all the way to allow her lover entrance. Once Cullen was inside, Minerva quickly closed the door and barely had time to turn around before she found herself in her beloved's arms. She moaned softly and slid her arms around Cullen's neck as their lips met in a deep kiss.

Cullen slowly broke the kiss only when he felt the need to breath, but his lips still brushed softly against Minerva's. "I missed you much," he murmured while gazing into his beloved's eyes.

"I missed you too," Minerva replied softly while pushing her lover's hood down. "But I had to get this place… _our_ place ready for us," she added with a smile.

"_Our_ place?" Cullen asked curiously.

"Yes," Minerva answered with a smile. "A place to call our own…where we can be together without inconveniencing anyone and having our already limited time together cut shorter as a result."

Cullen smiled lovingly then brushed a tender kiss to Minerva's lips. "I'm so sorry I came so late tonight. I tried to get away sooner, honestly. But I was detained, I'm afraid." He unclasped the heavy broach that held his cloak closed and then draped the heavy fabric over his free arm.

"Love, it's alright," Minerva soothed as she pulled out of Cullen's embrace so she could lead him over to the sofa and gently urged him to sit. "I understand how difficult it is for you."

After draping his cloak over the back of the sofa, Cullen gently pulled Minerva down onto his lap. "But being here with you…having you in my arms makes it all worth it," he said with a smile.

Minerva softly kissed Cullen's lips before lightly rubbing her nose against his. "Are you hungry?"

Cullen blinked. "Hungry?"

"I made stew," Minerva said with a smile. "There's still some left in the pot hanging over the fire…I made enough for the both of us. Would you like a bowl?"

Cullen smiled softly. "You cooked for me?"

Minerva blushed a little. "I had hoped that we would be able to eat together, but I was very much aware of the possibility that we wouldn't be able to…"

"I would be happy and honored to eat what you made for me," Cullen said as his smile grew just a little.

"I'll get a bowl for you," Minerva said with a smile as she stood. "Would you like to stay here or eat at the table?" She walked to the table and picked up a bowl before crossing back to the fireplace and ladling out the steaming contents.

"Here is fine," Cullen answered with an air of awe as he watched his lover—delighting in the domestic simplicity of what she was doing. "I…I can't believe you actually _cooked_ for me…" he said softly.

"Why wouldn't I?" Minerva asked as she turned and closed the distance to the sofa before sitting and carefully handing the bowl over to Cullen. "Be careful, it's very hot."

Cullen blushed softly. "I don't know it's just…" He looked down into the bowl and stirred the hot contents. "You'll think it's silly."

"I promise you that I won't," Minerva said gently while placing a hand upon Cullen's knee. "Please tell me?"

Cullen's blush deepened just a little and rose up into his ears as he raised his gaze to Minerva's. "It just…it feels as though we're married…as if tonight I were coming home to my wife after a hard day of work." He smiled shyly. "I told you it was silly…"

Minerva leaned forward and tenderly kissed Cullen's lips. "It's _not_ silly," she murmured with a soft smile. "I feel the exact same way."

Cullen's smile grew a little. "Really?"

Minerva nodded and gazed into her lover's eyes. "Cullen, I know that any chances of our being legally married so long as we remain in Kirkwall are practically non-existent. I'm not maintaining any illusions that you're ever going to ask me to marry you…but in my _heart_ , you _are_ my husband…and you _always_ will be."

Cullen rested his forehead against Minerva's and closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them again and simply gazing into her eyes. "Unsanctioned as our love might be…there is no other woman I could _ever_ want…no other woman I could ever even _dream_ of having to myself." He tenderly kissed Minerva's lips. "I love you, Minerva," he whispered. "Unsanctioned by the Maker as our union might be, you _are_ my wife…and I will remain ever faithful to you until the day I die."

Her heart fluttering happily in her chest, Minerva smiled and stole another kiss from Cullen. "Your stew is getting cold," she murmured playfully.

"A travesty indeed," Cullen replied with a soft chuckle before drawing back enough so he could raise the spoon to his lips without fear of burning Minerva. He blinked, and an expression of pleased surprise crossed over his face as the rich, savory flavor of stew coated his tongue and rolled down his throat. "Maker…" he breathed.

"Oh, dear…do you not like it?" Minerva asked worriedly.

"This is quite possibly the _best_ stew I've ever tasted," Cullen said with a smile. "It reminds me of my mother's cooking…"

"Really?" Minerva asked with a smile.

Cullen nodded. "It's one of the few things I remember about my mother…her cooking." He ate another spoonful and sighed softly in contentment. "You really _are_ remarkable, my love," he said with a smile.

Smiling, Minerva shifted on the sofa so she could comfortably rest her head upon Cullen's shoulder as he ate-and enjoyed with great relish-his meal. "So long as _you_ think so love, that's all that matters to me."

"Did your mother teach you how to cook?" Cullen asked with a smile after swallowing his latest mouthful.

Minerva snorted softly. "_My_ mother teach me how to cook? She came from a life of pampered luxury, and the skills that she did have for teaching hardly did my siblings and I any good in our village home. For years, it was my father who did the cooking, and as cooks go, he was fairly decent. Then, when I was a little older, a kindly old woman took me under her wing…and later, Bethany as well, and taught us everything she knew about cooking." She smiled fondly at the thought of the grandmotherly old woman. "Agnes was her name…she was a widow, and she and her husband were never able to have children. She was sort of the unofficial grandmother to all the children of Lotherin, but she seemed to take a special liking to us since we had no grandparents to speak of."

"She sounds like a good woman," Cullen remarked softly.

"She _was_," Minerva answered softly with a small, sad nod. "The day she died was one of the three saddest days of my life."

Cullen did not need to ask Minerva what the other two days were. Instead, he softly cleared his throat. It's good that you knew her and had her in your life for as long as you did," he said with a gentle smile before finishing the last of the stew in the bowl.

"Would you like another helping?" Minerva asked.

"Oh, no," Cullen said with a smile and a shake of his head while resting a hand upon his flat belly. "As delicious as it was, that stew was very filling." Placing the bowl aside, he gently pulled Minerva onto his lap and wrapped both arms around her. He softly cleared his throat. "About your brother…"

Minerva sighed.

"We never got a chance to talk about it," Cullen ventured cautiously-not knowing how his beloved would react to the topic. "How are you feeling?"

Another sigh escaped Minerva. "Betrayed…worried, but I suppose that's normal for a mage whose resentful brother joined those who would readily imprison her." She looked up sadly at Cullen. "Is it sad that I feel safer with _you_, the Knight-Captain of Kirkwall's order than I do with my own brother?"

Cullen tenderly brushed a kiss to Minerva's forehead. "As much as your brother resents you, I do not think he would knowingly betray you. But all the same, I will keep a very close eye on him."

"I can't ask you to do that," Minerva protested. "You have enough to deal with already by simply keeping our relationship a secret."

"A relationship which won't last if your brother let's slip that you're an apostate," Cullen countered while resting his forehead against Minerva's. "Besides, Meredith personally assigned your brother to my command."

Minerva blinked then chuckled softly. "Well, the Maker certainly has a sense of humor."

Cullen grinned cheekily. "He paired _us_ off together, didn't He?"

Minerva smiled and cupped Cullen's face in her hands and fondly rubbed her nose against his. "That He did."

"Thank you so much for the wonderful meal," Cullen murmured while resting his head against Minerva's again.

Minerva smiled. "I'll _always_ have a warm meal waiting for you," she replied while gazing into the fire. "My husband…" she added softly.

Cullen gently tilted Minerva's face up and claimed her mouth in a slow, deep kiss. "My wife," he murmured against her lips once the kiss had broken.

Minerva's fingers trailed lightly down Cullen's neck. "Make love to me, Cullen," she murmured while gazing deeply into his eyes.

Cullen's hands slid down and rested upon Minerva's hips as he cleared his throat and felt himself already growing hard. "Are you certain?" he asked hoarsely. "I…I know it's late…" he protested weakly in the face of his aching desire to rekindle the physical connection with his beloved.

Minerva smiled and kissed Cullen fervently before breaking the kiss, standing and taking a few steps backwards from him. "It's _never_ too late for _you_, my love," she murmured before slowly untying the fastenings at the shoulders of her nightgown and then simply letting the light fabric fall to the ground in a puddle around her ankles to reveal her nakedness. "I will _never_ stop wanting you…"

Cullen gulped softly then slowly licked his lips as he took in the sight of his beloved's perfect, naked form as the the light from the flames caressed her every curve like a lover. Standing, his hands busied themselves immediately with the quick removal of his blighted clothing. When he had finally kicked his smallclothes aside, he stepped over to Minerva and wrapped his arms around her so he could hold her close and kiss her hungrily-shuddering and groaning into the kiss as his length was pressed between their two bodies. "I have ached for you this entire week we were apart," he confessed huskily once the kiss had broken.

"I know," Minerva whimpered wantonly. "But our wait is finally over." She jumped up into Cullen's arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. "Take me," she whispered frantically before kissing him. "_Please…!"_

Cullen did not know _how_ he made it to the bedroom-how he had managed to command his feet to move one in front of the other. Quite frankly, he could not remember anything aside from how sinful it had felt as the head of his length brushed against the molten heat of Minerva's core. But somehow, he had managed to get them both onto the bed mere moments before he pushed into Minerva to the hilt with a deep, pleasured groan that formed a unique harmony with his beloved's pleasured whimper. "Maker…" he moaned before capturing his lover's lips in a deep, searching kiss as he began thrusting with long, slow strokes-nearly pulling out completely each time before filling Minerva again. His hands found hers, and his fingers laced with hers while gently but firmly pinning her hands down to the mattress as the two of them christened their bed.

_Their_ bed.

Not knowing when he would be able to see his beloved again, Cullen was determined to savor every moment of their lovemaking and make it last as long as he could.

Minerva was only too happy to oblige him.

Every thrust…every brush of Cullen's tongue against hers elicited pleasured whimpers and ecstatic moans as her beloved stoked the fires of pleasure within her. Arching her back, she gasped softly and trustingly exposed her throat to her lover as he trailed soft, nipping kisses down the delicate skin, and her toes slowly caressed the backs of his sculpted calves. She gasped when Cullen slowly traced his tongue up her racing pulse, and her inner walls tightened intermittently around his length as he filled her again and again.

Every clench and spasm of Minerva's velvet, inner walls made deep, pleasured groans escape Cullen's throat and his eyes roll into the back of his head. Every stroke and caress of her little toes as they brushed briefly over the backs of his knees-one of the secret, sweet-spots Minerva had found on his body-before moving back down the length of his calves caused him to shiver and arch his back. He returned the favor by nuzzling and nipping the secret, sweet-spot just below his lover's right ear and smiled victoriously against her neck as she arched her back and cried out in sudden release. While he finally let go of her hands so she could cling to him with trembling arms, Cullen did not grant her any reprieve-his thrusts hardening and becoming just a little faster as he now traced his tongue along her collar bone and then down the valley between her soft, round breasts.

He growled in delight when Minerva wrapped her legs tightly around his waist to keep him deep inside of her, and Cullen was only to happy to oblige her-his thrusts barely moving out of her now. Slipping his arms around his lover, Cullen rolled so his beloved apostate rode him, and his hands gripped her hips tightly…possessively and held her down against his thrusts. All the while Minerva rode him, he watched her in awe-loving the sight of her flushed body as her ample breasts bounced in time with each of his thrusts and each rock of her hips. He delighted in the frantic gasps and whimpers that escaped Minerva as her still-thrumming with release body worked towards another, and his breath hitched in his throat as his own groans and moans of pleasure became more frantic.

He was so close.

So was Minerva.

Wanting to fall into euphoria together with his beloved, Cullen's thumbs began caressing the spots just above Minerva's hips, and his efforts were rewarded when she arched her back hard and threw back her head with a wordless cry. Cullen's eyes widened before squeezing shut as Minerva's inner walls clenched his length so tightly, and his movements stilled for barely a moment before he was thrusting wildly up into his lover with a roar of release. Only when he had been milked dry of his seed, did Cullen slowly bring his thrusts to a halt, and he was only too happy to wrap his arms around Minerva and hold her close when she lowered her trembling body onto his.

Both their hearts raced in a frantic rhythm, and they could barely catch their breaths, but they clung to each other as they slowly came down from their euphoric high. Cullen nuzzled Minerva's hair as _she_ nuzzled and kissed his pulse, and his fingers slowly traced down the smooth curve of her spine before his arms cradled her close. Still buried within her, Cullen could feel his length growing soft, but he was not yet willing to break their connection. He knew he would have to leave soon, and he was desperate to maintain their connection for as long as he was able.

"I wish you could stay…" Minerva whispered while resting her head upon Cullen's shoulder. "I want more than anything to be able to fall asleep in your arms."

"I _too_ want that so very desperately, my love," Cullen murmured while smoothing Minerva's hair. "To be able to go to sleep with you in my arms and then wake up in the morning to find you still there…it is my most fondest wish." He lovingly kissed her forehead.

"When will I see you again?" Minerva asked softly.

"Soon I hope," Cullen answered softly as his arms tightened around his lover. "I haven't even left your side and I miss you already." He buried his face in Minerva's hair and deeply drew in their combined scents-loving how he could smell himself on her. "I will send word through Varric or Isabella to inform you of when I am coming."

Minerva shook her head. "We should only send messages when absolutely necessary. Regular correspondence runs the risk of being intercepted."

"Then how-?"

Minerva lightly pressed a finger to Cullen's lips. "Unless you receive a message from me stating the contrary, I will _always_ be waiting here for you come nightfall."

Cullen kissed Minerva's fingertip before gently taking ahold of her hand and pressing it against his heart. "Very well, my beloved." He was silent for several moments. "Know that even though my body might leave you when I depart tonight…but my heart and my soul will forever remain by your side."

Minerva smiled softly and raised her head so she could gaze down at Cullen. "Then I shall guard them until your next return."

Cullen leaned up and brushed a lingering kiss to Minerva's lips. "There's no one else I would trust them with," he murmured. "No one else but you."


End file.
